


The Collateral of Command

by MsLanna



Series: Meliana Hawke's Dragon Age [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, broken people repairing each other, cameos by pretty much all characters
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-06
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2018-09-22 12:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 50,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9607742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsLanna/pseuds/MsLanna
Summary: Meliana Hawke left Kirkwall a Tranquil. She lost everything in the following years, even after regainig her magic. She decides to chip in at the Conclave and wakes up remembering nothing.But that is not all. Varric is not the only face from her past to show up in Haven. Driven into exile by his own people, the Arishok does what he believes in, bringing discipline and order.





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the_queen_of_thedas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_queen_of_thedas/gifts).



> No Cullen. Looking at the events in [ The Concept of Love](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6286009/chapters/14403637) I do not think he made it past the AU end.
> 
> AU end is canon for this story. The story might not make much sense if you have not read The Concept of Love. Sorry.
> 
> Written because of [this manip ](http://the-queen-of-thedas.tumblr.com/post/156321680836/poupage-yes-but-hear-me-out-cullen-as-a-red)by [the_queen_of_thedas](http://the-queen-of-thedas.tumblr.com/)

There was something like a magic affliction, Meliana Hawke thought. She looked down at her glowing hand. It started easy. You got magic. You could handle it - with help. You became a mage and the templars wanted nothing more than to bust your arse or lock you up. Both, if possible.

You got into trouble. You got out of trouble and right into an even bigger heap. You tried different approaches to controlling your magic. A leap of faith but well rewarded. She sighed. And then you got Tranquility. You didn’t really care, but everybody else freaked out. You lost everything, magic was just the beginning.

Your friends drifted away. They were unable to bear your sight and being unable to help. She had understood why they had left, one after the other. All left except for Anders. Anders, who had hated her for not being the mage he had needed. Anders who had hated her for going her own path in Kirkwall. Anders, who had hated her for realising too late that there were bigger fish to fry than the Arishok.

Sometimes Hawke longed for Tranquility. The complete lack of emotions. Not to understand what she had had and lost. But Kirkwall was a pile of rubble by the sea now. It had allegedly stopped smoking some time ago. Unlike her feelings it had cooled down. But some pains never left you.

Anders had been the last to stick around. He could bring back her connection to the Fade with Justice. It was painful. She knew that she would return into her vegetable state again. So did Anders. So did Justice. But some things were worth the pain.

It had been a whim. Another of Anders’ stupid ideas. Trying to transfer Justice into her so the connection would never waver. It was a complicated thing to achieve. It had taken long. And then Anders had been the last to leave. He had been unable to see his friend look out of her eyes. Guilt was eating him more than envy. He knew what burden the spirit could be.

But Meliana hadn’t cared. She had her magic back. The throbbing river of life rushing through everything. Having all her feelings and regrets back seemed a little price most of the time. And now this.

Her hand pulsed in a green light. From time to time it hurt. And she was alone in her head. The last of her friends was gone. She could remember the feeling. It felt like shoving a silver-tipped battering ram through her skull. She could remember nothing else. And here she was. Wherever here was.

The last Hawke remembered was going to the Conclave. There was probably not much she could do. But maybe her voice would count for something. After all she had been there. She had been there when the Templars had abused the mages for years upon years while the Chantry looked away. She had been there. She had been a mage. She had done nothing. The only person who could have helped. Of course, Hawke went to the Conclave.

She watched her hand, waiting, wondering what the glow meant and what it was that possessed her now. After some time she could hear steps approaching. The door swung open. A classic good-guard/bad-guard duo entered. They were doing a good job of it. Aveline -

Aveline was not here.

“I have been searching for you,” the dark haired warrior accused. “For years! And this is when you turn up? Do you know what-”

“Cassandra,” the other woman interrupted. “Give her the chance to explain.”

“Explain what? That I was tranquil for the better part of the past years?” Meliana ignored the gasps. “That it cost me everything I had and then some? That I came here to add some truth to the stories floating about because neither side seems to care about that any longer? What do you want?”

Hawke thought it better to leave out the part where she had been possessed by a spirit however benign. She was enough of an aberration already.

“Varric claimed he could not contact you.” Cassandra was pacing angrily. “Leliana helped me search all of Thedas for you, we even sent to Par Vollen.”

The memory of a smile flitted over Meliana’s face. “Now that would have gone well.”

“In a manner of speaking,” Cassandra replied. “But we need your help now. You may be our only hope.”

“To do what?” Hawke looked at her shackles and then up. “Not that I can do much right now.”

“It will be easier to show you.” Cassandra freed her and led her outside.

There was a gaping green hole above. Debris floated around it like a reverse tornado. It sucked things into the sky. They made their way towards it. Hawke wondered what she had done to deserve this. The whole conclave had gone up in fire and smoke. It was an image she had seen often in her nightmares. Behind closed eyes it devoured the city of Kirkwall.

But this was different. Meliana could feel the connection between the green abyss overhead and the glow of her hand. Demons dropped out of the hole. She grabbed the first staff she found to channel her magic. Cassandra was unhappy. Hawke was so close to telling her how very unnecessary the staff was. Her time with the Qunari had served her well.

She dropped to her knees as pain shot through her. It was not just memories. Her hand pulsed in time with the hole in the sky.

“It is killing you,” Cassandra told her.

Meliana shrugged. One thing or another always did.

Small breaches spawned as well. They blocked their path. Hawke was too surprised when they came on the first one to do anything but systematically kill all demons. When the elf mage took her hand to close the small Breach, she did not resist. His name was Solas. He was forgotten a heartbeat later.

“Varric!” Meliana buried the dwarf in a bear hug. He had tried to saunter towards her. Since she had already ruined his grand entrance, he acquiesced.

“I am glad to see you are still alive,” he said when she finally released him. “You had us all very worried.”

Meliana didn’t want to let go of her friend again. “How did you wind up here? You have to tell me the whole story.”

Varric’s smile had a sad turn to it. “I will. Over a beer back in Haven.”

“Deal.” The world looked better immediately. Even though she was now right back in the centre of things. She had never wanted to be there. After her magic had returned, Meliana had been careful to stay out of sight. She didn’t want any more involvement in politics. It had never done her any- she stopped herself.

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to help. She was just so tired. There was always something to fight. There was always another evil to battle. It was the right thing to do. It was exhausting. It was almost a reason to charge head first with the soldiers. To die trying was acceptable. But she didn’t do headlong charges. That was for warriors.

A smile crept over her lips. She remembered being support for some rather impressive charges. Meliana had hoped that having a purpose would get back her enthusiasm. It didn’t. All she could see now was the quest ahead. To close the hole in the sky. The big one, not the small ones on their way. Close the Breach and then what?

A nap sounded great. A beer with Varric in front of a roaring fire. Listening to his voice as he recounted stories. Not that it was likely. The way Cassandra talked she had something bigger in mind than closing a gap. The word figurehead and leader had come up. Hawke remained silent. She had done that before. She felt no wish to do it again. Alone.

The Temple of the Sacred Ashes was razed. Only burning bodies and hot stone marked its place. And in the depths, a Breach hovered. It fed energy into the hole in the sky. Red lyrium polluted the ground and walls. Hawke was careful not to touch it. Mere proximity had driven Bartrand mad.

She could hear her own voice echoing from the past. Time seeped through the air, replaying the pivotal event. Hawke couldn’t remember any of it. Cassandra could shout until the cows came home. There was nothing in her head. Nothing but the searing pain as Justice departed.

It didn’t matter. The Pride Demon did not matter. It was a fight she had fought so many times before. What was one more? When she aimed her glowing hand at the Breach, she could feel its power suck at her being. In this battle of wills, they both blinked out. Meliana smiled at the dark behind her eyes. A nap. Maybe more. To finally rest.

* * *

 

Of course there was no rest for the wicked. Hawke sat up on a bed. That scared an elf she didn’t know. From what she gleaned the hole in the sky had been successfully stopped. The people were happy with her for a change. Still, a three-day nap didn’t feel like much when you couldn’t remember any of it. It was kind of the aim, but still.

The scared elf left. Hawke opened the door. There was a small crowd outside. People were whispering, calling her names. It was frightening things like ‘Herald of Andraste’. Hawke began to worry. She was also on her way to the Chantry. This did not bode well.

As expected there was a ranting Andrastian in the chantry. He demanded her demise. Meliana was not surprised. Another nap, that would be it. If the hole in the sky could stay still, so could she. What was she supposed to do? Politics were not her favourite thing ever. Though she had become pretty good by necessity.

Cassandra and Leliana overruled the Chancellor. Then they presented their plan: an Inquisition. Just like in the old days. They wanted to create an organisation to return the world to order. Meliana didn’t see what that had to do with her. Still they insisted on having her on board.

“It was on the directive of Divine Justinia that I was looking for you,” Cassandra told her. “You were meant to be the face and voice of the Inquisition.”

Another quest. Meliana agreed. What else did she have to lose? Maybe, if she dared drag them into this, she could call on her friends. It would be nice to have them back. Somebody she knew. Somebody she trusted.

With nothing to lead and lend her face to yet, Meliana spent a lot of time with Varric. They reminisced about the time in Kirkwall. Varric told her everything he knew about Carver and her friends. Scattered across Thedas, Meliana felt lost again.

Carver was with the Grey Wardens, a Captain now and happy with his own destiny. Merrill was travelling the clans, collecting knowledge and binding the clans together. Fenris might or might not have returned to Tevinter, gutting the Empire from the inside. Anders had naturally joined the mage rebellion. He could be fighting anywhere. Aveline had moved to Ostwick, joining the city guard with Donnic. And the Arishok, her Arishok, had returned home.

“So how come, you’re here?” Meliana asked.

“I was abducted by the Seeker herself,” Varric replied. “I got to tell her our whole story, beginning to end and she did not even notice the changes.”

“What changes?” Meliana wanted to know.

“Small things,” the dwarf waved it off. “How well you actually got along in your marriage. Considering what the Qunari are currently up to, I thought it better not to tie you up any closer than necessary. Not to mention,” he chuckled, “that only few now believe this actually happened. Most witnesses are dead. And it was an unlikely venture.”

So that was her past now. An unlikely venture. Meliana hid her sigh. She had sacrificed herself for Kirkwall. The best thing she had ever done. And where had it led her? “I did not want to be all that stood between Kirkwall and its annihilation.”

“I know, Birdie.” Varric patted her arm. It was a familiar and old gesture. “But you did. And you did a great job. Never doubt it.”

Hawke did not doubt it. The days in Kirkwall lingered in her mind. An old chimaera lodged too firmly to leave. The sun on the stones, the smell of the ocean. When she closed her eyes, she could almost be there again.

So she spent a lot of time doing nothing. She slept, dozed, listened to the fire when Varric was busy somewhere else. Meliana did not want to move about. People were still calling her the Herald of Andraste. It was not right. She could do nothing about it. Arguments did not help. Even if she herself used them. The people believed what they wanted to be true. She did not want to go there again.

Over time Varric visited less and less. He disapproved. He wanted to draw her out. It would do her good. Meliana disagreed. Instead Solas became a more frequent visitor. He was easily distracted by talking about the Fade. And he knew a lot about it.

Solas approved of her stance that spirits could be people. Hawke did not tell him why. The absence of Justice was too painful. Solas prodded. But he did it gently. He never pressed. And he was a good story teller. There was enough past floating around to make her forget her now

But she could not stay indoors forever and one day Cassandra asked her to join the war council. An actual war council. Meliana followed. Duty, she told herself. If you have nothing to look forward to, you at least have duty to keep you upright. Maybe it would have been easier to bear if the Chantry had not been the headquarters. Their steps echoed on the cold floor. Then Cassandra threw open the door to the war room.

Meliana did not get through the door jamb. Her jaw found the floor all by itself. It needed some serious picking up. Especially since the floor had dropped away as well.

“May I present-” Cassandra’s voice was drowned by the blood thundering through Meliana’s ears.

What was he doing here? When, how and bloody hell, why?

The grey face looked unmoved, stoic eyes resting on her with barely any curiosity or recognition.

“Arishok.” It was barely a whisper.

Something inside of her loosened, softened and melted away into the ground. Her eyes unfocussed in double vision. The image of the Qunari she had married years ago, the image of the Qunari she had lost years ago – it did not overlay well with the lines. They cut deep across his forehead. They formed trenches around his mouth. He had aged.

But how could he not? Something cold crashed into Meliana. He would never willing leave Par Vollen. Exile. Tal-Vashoth. End of everything he believed and cherished. Meliana could not breathe. Yet her body wanted to scramble over the heavy table. Take the fastest route towards him. Her feet moved on their own volition. Would she could see more of his skin. But Haven was cold. Heavy armour and furs protected him.

Something inside of her screamed. I will protect you. His eyes followed her approach. She could feel the silence heavy between them. Where have you been? Where have I been? And why are we both here now?

A hand descended onto her shoulder. Meliana turned to find Cassandra right behind her. Her lips were moving.

“Are you alright?”

It took Meliana some time to process the words into meaning. Time sped up to its normal self. She could feel the seconds rush past to catch up. The Arishok stood but a few feet before her. “I did not hear what you were saying,” Meliana said. “I am sorry.”

“I was introducing your advisers,” Cassandra replied. “Josephine Montilyet our ambassador.” She turned Hawke away from the Arishok.

“I am pleased to meet you.” The woman in gold did not show any annoyance.

Hawke gurgled out a reply that was hopefully acceptable.

“And you already know Leliana, our spymaster.”

Hawke managed to smile.

“And last, the commander of our forces, Valoraas. A Tal-Vashoth,” Cassandra finished.

“I-”, Meliana hesitated. “Thank you.”

“I am here to restore order.” She would have known that voice with her ears cut off. It resounded in her bones like a childhood song. “Your men need to be well trained to achieve it.”

Meliana nodded. Why? How? All those lines across his features. He deserved better. “What do we do?”

It was easy enough to distract Leliana and Cassandra. Maybe they did not believe the rumours from Kirkwall. Maybe they did not know who Valoraas had been. Maybe they did not care. The task at hand was to garner enough support to approach the mages or Templars. And the first step was to visit some Revered Mother in the Hinterlands to get some information about Orlais.

It could have been worse, Hawke told herself. And there was always a moment to spare before she left. A moment in which to throw herself – well, she had not decided into what. A hissy fit, maybe. Varric certainly deserved one. He could have told her. _Valoraas_. It hurt on the tongue. She did not say it loud.


	2. 2

The trip to the Hinterlands was not long. Still preparation was wise. The country was torn by war. Provisions were sensible. Meliana used the time to have a look around Haven. There was smith, a healer, a pub, a merchant. Everybody treated her with respect, some verging on reverence. She hated it.

The shouting match with Varric turned out not to be one. She visited him at his tent. Her glare bounced off his grin.

"I told you to come out," he said. "You were so stubborn, Birdie. You deserved it."

"Yeah." What could she say to that? "Who else knows?"

"Everybody who wants to," Varric replied. "So Leliana and Cassandra. Solas is stuck a little too deep in the Fade to care about people not connected to it much. And the rest of the people here are just people. How many outside of Kirkwall even knew what he looked like?"

"But what is he doing here, Varric?" Meliana sighed.

"You ask me?" The dwarf chuckled. "He has spoken about six full sentences to me since he arrived and he is positively chatty around me. You will have to ask him yourself."

Silence descended.

"Are you okay with him being here?" Varric touched her arm. "I thought you might actually be happy about it."

"I guess I am." Meliana sighed again. She patted his hand on her arm. "But is he?"

The obvious thing to do was ask Arishok. Meliana was not sure if she could use his new name. What kind of name was it even? Derogatory. Meaning either that he was nothing but a sword or that his sword was nothing. Both were unacceptable.

Walking to the training grounds for the soldiers took forever. Hawke detoured to Cassandra the first time. She was practising. Beating the dummy with a ferocity that betrayed pent up anger.

They talked. Empty words that were sent out to bridge a chasm. They hung in the wind like cobwebs. Cassandra believed. Hawke did not. Cassandra would fight because she knew it was the will of the Maker. She would protect order and faith. She would keep the world from tumbling over the brink of chaos because it was the right thing to do.

Hawke would fight because it was a reason to get up. What good had her fighting done? The reprieve for Kirkwall was bought dearly. It was destroyed on the whim of two power-hungry women. There were always power-hungry people about. They were always ready to plunge life into war for their own gain.

You could fight them. You should. But it was a never-ending battle. Each victory lead to another rising conflict. Hawke was tired of it. Nothing stayed fixed. You kept running up that hill and only ended up tired. How could she burden Arishok, her Arishok, with this exhausted mess?

And then again how could she not? How could she deny herself the one thing that put the world into perspective? Despite the inner turmoil he had caused, the new bottom line was that everything was alright. Things would work out. Because they were an unbeatable team. Were.

It was fear. It was gnawing at her. The longer she stayed away, the deeper it bit. The uncertainty was tearing her apart. But Meliana was afraid of certainty. This once she prayed for the strength to just endure.

He was still the commander of the forces. Everybody treated her as if they were her forces. Figurehead. Meliana shook the idea off. She had many good reasons to talk to him. She could always pick an innocent one.

It was a sound plan. But approaching Arishok as he towered on the training ground shook its foundation. Meliana knew what she wanted. But Kirkwall was gone. The basis for everything was gone. And words were only words. Did anybody beyond Varric remember? Still, words in the heart couldn’t be taken. It was a problem.

“I expected you to come,” Valoraas greeted.

Meliana was tempted to stutter. Thinking of Arishok with another name derailed her. Instead she kept silent until enough words lined up in a sensible way. “I have so many questions.”

He nodded. “You have work ahead. Your duty.”

Meliana pressed her lips together tightly. There was no need to let any of her internal screams pass into the world. This was not the time or place. “So did you. What brings you here?”

“Have you time for this now?” Valoraas asked back. “Your departure is scheduled.”

“It is and I will go.” Words were becoming easier. They flattened the pain beneath them, pressing it back through her cells like lava. “And I will return. And I want to talk.”

“If you have time, we will talk.” If he noted her breaking voice, Valoraas did not show. “Restoring order in Thedas will take time and hard work. Do not waste them.”

Meliana flinched. His gaze had touched upon her her left hand briefly. She tucked it away behind her back. She understood. But it did hurt. What had magic touched it had not ruined? The words echoed in her head. Fenris was gone. The only example she could think of now.

“Are you alright?” She asked for the sake of speaking.

“No.” He looked at her for a long moment. “Are you?”

She shook her head, looking at her boots. Meliana wanted to reply ‘I will be’ but that was bravado. He knew her to well for that. Or did he? “Are we still-” she faltered looking up at him.

“What?” He prompted.

“I don’t know. Friends?” Her mouth stood open unable to even ask. Partners? Married? Committed?

“I do not know,” Valoraas replied. “It has been eight years.”

He was right. A lot happened in those years. And she had not asked the real question and he had deigned to dodge it. Maybe he had no answer. And she only brought a prayer. How would that ever work?

Meliana nodded. “Still, if I have time, I want to know.”

“Then we will talk.” He returned his attention to the training soldiers.

Meliana followed his gaze. They were working hard but even she could see that they needed more time. The few soldiers among them did their best to help the new cadets. Building an army took time. She left him to it. The hurt had shifted inside. It was not less than before, maybe a little more acute for the changes.

But she had duty. She would get through the day. Then would get through the next. She would stay upright until the day came she officially had time to spare. Varric, Cassandra and Solas accompanied her. It was odd to ride again. In Kirkwall horses had not been necessary. They did have trouble with the stairs.

And in the years of exile, they had rarely used horses. Travellers on horses spoke of relative wealth. They did not want to leave a bloody trail of bandits behind. That kind of thing caught attention. So they had walked. It took time. Time was the only thing they had. Hawke remembered the years. It had been like moving through amber. The movements slowed down to almost nothing in a tinted silence.

Her legs and butt hurt after the first day of riding. Setting up camp was a shaky affair. Varric teased her. His recent abduction had led to more experience in riding than he had expected. Even Solas was doing fine. It was not fair.

It got better. On the fifth day they finally neared Redcliffe village. Scout Harding greeted them in a camp, bringing them up to date. Mages and templars fought. Everybody else got caught in the middle. Refugees abounded, as did bandits. There was a horse master to be won for the Inquisition. The Revered Mother in Question was a little further into the Hinterlands.

Meliana surveyed the camp. So this was her life now. None of the tents looked big enough to actually accommodate Ari- Valoraas. It was not a thought she should be having. It was not a name she should stumble on. There was a civil war afoot. This time she could end it. Biting her lip, she set off.

They had few skirmishes with bandits. It was nothing to worry about. Cassandra was a capable warrior. Hawke had no qualms killing their attackers. Then they reached the crossing, the group was caught in a fight between mages and Templars. Both sides attacked them without asking questions. Both sides ended up dead in the mud. Hawke looked into their faces. They were all strangers.

“Everybody in Kirkwall is dead.” Varric gently pried her hand off the lapel of a dead mage. “You will not find familiar faces in this war, Meliana.”

It was one thing to be grateful for. Probably. The familiar faces Meliana had seen already weighed heavy enough. She wished to see her friends again. But she did not want to drag them into a war. Maybe Anders since he was already fighting it.

Mother Giselle was healing everybody regardless of their affiliation. Something about that neutrality was offensive to Hawke. But she had a duty. And she would lean on that crutch as long as necessary. Her smile cut into her face. But it was worth it. Mother Giselle agreed to help. She did not accept a horse or escort. It would take her forever to reach Haven.

Meliana decided to spend the time helping. There was so much to do. Starting with killing all bandits and clearing out the camps of the mages and templars. That made the roads and life safer. They kept coming upon small rifts that needed closing. One of them even had a small cult gathered. But the people were easy enough to convince it was better to help the refugees than pray to a green hole in the air.

They found the horse Master. He needed his farmers back and protected before he was willing to go anywhere. So they killed a few wolves, marked places for watch towers and on their way back to the village hunted a few of the wild rams for food. And then they made the five day journey back to Haven.

Valoraas was before the gates again, overseeing his training soldiers. Meliana tried not to stare. Closing her eyes was no solution either. At least the horse knew where it belonged. There was no time to waste. No justification was acceptable. It was a blessing and a curse. Meliana wanted to return to her Arishok. Hawke wanted to avoid meeting Valoraas who was not what she needed. Wanted. Remembered.

Mother Giselle was in the Chantry. Hawke disliked the Chantry. It held too many bad memories. Calling her Herald of Andraste did not improve. Why couldn’t people just stop? Helping each other was more certain to improve the world than prayer. And yet she was surrounded by believers.

At least Mother Giselle was kind about it. She had given her information to Leliana who had come up with a plan. Hawke would address the clerics in the capital. She would sow disagreement among them. That would weaken them. The Inquisition would be able to build itself up. Then they could approach the mages for help. Valoraas made a good point about using templars instead. But they both knew Meliana could never side with them.

Another chasm opening beneath her feet. Meliana bridged it with a brittle smile. She let the others argue. Maybe they would decide on a side by themselves. But they did not decide. Cassandra declared she would accompany Hawke to Val Royeaux. As if a few Chantry sisters worried Hawke.

The image of Grand Cleric Elthina stood in her memory. Tall like a marble column and as cold. Her templars had been encroaching on the mages for years. Elthina had stood by as Knight Commander Meredith slowly became a fanatic. A fanatic Knight Commander was acceptable. Mages making any decision for themselves was not.

Hawke looked at the map. Two weeks of travel to Val Royeaux. This better be worth it. Maybe a day or two in the capital and then two weeks back. It was not the travelling per se that bothered her. It was time consuming. She wanted to spend that time differently. The image of Arishok in full battle regalia appearing in Val Royeaux made her smile.

“How long until we can leave?” She asked her advisors.

“I will send out ravens immediately,” Leliana said. “Leave tomorrow at dawn and a ship will be ready when you arrive at Jader.”

“Understood.” Hawke nodded. “I would like to talk with you, Ambassador Montilyet, before I leave.”

“Of course.” Josephine Montilyet smiled. “There is a lot you should know.”

There always was. It also showed that the mission was first on her mind. She had half a day. A bit of the night as well, if she was willing to sleep on horseback. Meliana sighed. Then she followed the ambassador into her room. It was a long briefing. Boring to the last. Hawke knew it would be. Politics was important game to play. She did not like it. She just played it because she refused to be played.

“Your experience from Kirkwall will serve you well,” Josephine said.

“I doubt it.” Hawke suppressed a snort.

“And why not?” Josephine insisted. “You have kept the peace successfully. You did good work on the conclave and triumvirate.”

“I had a scary army of Qunari to back me up.” Meliana smiled. “It might work, if Valoraas accompanied me, but-” She shrugged.

“I see.” The ambassador played with her pen.

“Having a Qunari Commander is not quite the same. And I do not think that bringing him to Val Royeaux would be wise. Though I’d really love to.”

Josephine laughed. “You are correct. Let me tell you more about Revered Mother Hevara then.”

And so the afternoon went by. Hawke left to have dinner with Varric in the tavern. Her heart was not in the banter, though. Her heart was in hiding. Her heart was trying on all kinds of armour and finding an Arishok-shaped hole in all of it.

“It’s alright,” Varric said into her flitting thoughts. “A month is a long time. Go and talk to him.”

She forced a smile. Only a part of her wanted to talk to Valoraas. A small part of her. A part that wanted to coax Arishok back out. The larger part of her knew that it was impossible. That part did not know what it wanted to do. She could not avoid Valoraas.

“Thank you.” Meliana looked at her friend. He had stayed longest. Only him and Anders and her travelling on the broken shards of glittering hope. It had not hurt back then. Nothing had hurt. But it hurt now. She had nothing to give in return. “Thank you for protecting me.”

Now that they were both uneasy, Meliana could leave. It was not fair. But it was true. She owed Varric a lot. One day she would find a way to repay him.

Her feet found the way to the training ground on their own. But it was too late. Dusk settled and the training had ended. Valoraas was nowhere to be seen. Meliana stood, uncertain. There was a tent that was likely his. She stared at the tarpaulin. Just a little bit of course, that was all it took.

Meliana stared at her feet. One month. She could see it stretch ahead. One long and lonely month on the road. She would hate herself for not acting now. And yet here she stood, rooted to the ground. The blood was rushing in her ears, her breath broke free in irregular bouts.

Finally she turned on her heels. Her fists clenched at her sides. She turned again. Meliana forced herself to be very still. Pinning herself in place until the decision had been made. The fingers on her left hand fidgeted. They moved as if they could rub off the mark. Remove the green magic. Make it go away. A month was a long time.

 _You will not see him again until you return,_ Meliana scolded herself. _Just see him. Even if nothing else worked out. Look at him. Know he is there. It does not matter how._

Her feet stumbled off. Meliana held on to the flap of the tent, raising it slowly. It was dark inside. It should have been a hint. She poked her head inside. There was nobody. She let go of the flap. It had held her up. Meliana’s knees gave in. She took a deep breath as her knees hit the ground. Then she held it. Holding her breath held her together. Falling apart was inevitable. Meliana tried to delay it as long as possible. A month was a long time.

“You should be sleeping.”

Her spine gave in. Meliana rested her forehead on her hands, trying to release all tears in one go. She failed. Of course she failed. But she was hoisted up and turned around. Just look at him. It was a wavering image. It did not matter. The world was a better place for it.

“You have an important task ahead,” Valoraas rumbled. “You look not ready.”

“I know!” A hysterical laugh escaped her. “But I will be gone a whole month. I just wanted-” Meliana trailed off. She had what she wanted. His hands were holding her up by her shoulders. There might have been concern in his eyes. She would never know for certain. A curtain of rainbow water blurred the world.

“You wanted what?” His voice filled her bones.

“See you.” She reached for his hands with hers. In the last moment, only her right descended. Her left slunk into oblivion behind her back.

“And now you have seen me,” Valoraas said.

“And I feel better.” Meliana smiled. “I will be gone for a month. There is no time today. I just needed to know,” she grasped for words, “I needed to know you are real. Are here. Are.”

“You are not making sense, Hawke.”

She flinched. “When did I ever.” It was barely more than a whisper. “Panahedan, Valoraas.”

To her surprise he raised his hand form her shoulder to her face. “Panahedan, Meliana. I do not hope you die.”

“Right.” Meliana tried to dam her tears behind that word and hoped her curt nod would not break it. She stumbled back to her hut. Cold stars shone overhead. They glittered as if submerged. Refuge in safety. If only. There was exactly one safe place Meliana knew of. And it had been erased from the map of the world. Replaced by a stranger in the shell of a lover. It would be a short night. A short night followed by a very long month.


	3. 3

It was not a whole month in the end. It felt a lot longer. It felt a lot lonelier. When Meliana saw the wooden palisade of Haven on the horizon for the first time, her heart jumped. She felt warm. It was freezing. It had been getting colder for days. But it did not matter.

Meliana remembered freezing under the sun of Val Royeaux. It was a beautiful place. Bright and clean, the city shone under light of day. Red banners were almost blinding, casting scant shade over the main plaza.

They had arrived just in time to see Revered Mother Hevara punched in the face by Lord Seeker Lucius. For whatever reasons the templars had enough and were removing themselves from the picture. Hawke stood by shrugging. She did not want to get involved with the templars. Valoraas might prefer this option. But he had no power over her.

His only power right now was that to focus her. Meliana felt the ground under her feet. His presence tilted reality upright. She would side with the mages. He would acquiesce. Meliana could not bear to imagine being without magic again. She had lived the nightmare twice. Once for him. It had been alright.

Then she had been Tranquil and nothing had ever been alright again. Things were looking up now. She was looking up. But she did not see his eyes hovering over her. Miles sundered her even from memories.

Not all of the templars agreed when the Lord Seeker led them away. It was an angle they should keep in mind. Why have one ally when you could have two? Hawke had practice at being torn in half. The Revered Mother lay on the ground. She had no kind words to share. Nine days of travel for this.

Hawke had tried to see the positive side. There was none. Madame de Fer invited them to her place. It saved the trip a little. She offered her help. The last loyal mages. Hawke did not cringe. You could not be loyal to your oppressors. But she was collecting strays again.

Vivienne believed in the Circles. She wanted them back. Meliana disagreed. It was the last thing she wanted. But it was good to have her. The opposite perspective. And Vivienne was skilled where politics were concerned. That was important. Meliana did not like politics. The more of those she could dump on Vivienne, the better.

It was unavoidable that they would have arguments. It was alright. You had to check your beliefs from time to time. And different people had different needs. What had happened to Emile de Launcet? He had not been able to survive well outside the circle. An explosion lurked at the back of her mind.

Dead. He was dead. As was everybody else. Varric said he had urged Orsino to leave. Varric had urged a few of the merchants to leave and a noble or two. They had not stayed to see if they had left. Varric was a well-known factor in Kirkwall. Had been. It was uncertain if he had had enough influence to make people jump ship on a word.

So Vivienne would help. And many mages respected her. She strengthened the claims of the Inquisition. But like so many mages, she was a voice of nobility. It was strange. Nobles decided how the world should be. Commoners had to live in it. It was no wonder things were strained.

But she had the voice, a voice of the common people with her as well. Meliana tried to catch as much of the sun as she could. She was cold. And it got colder the closer they came to Haven.

A scavenger hunt had led to Sera, another person ready to join the cause of the Inquisition. Her motives were laudable. Nobody ever fought for the little people. So she would. Meliana understood. She was a noble. Her voice had weight. But how much did she indeed remember of being common? Was a mage ever really common? The troubles of a caged mage were very different from those of a farmer.

The way home was crowded. The ship was not made to hold so many people. Nobody wanted to share a cabin with Hawke. She was special. Meliana stood in the bow and looked into nothing. She did not want to be special. But she was a mage. That was how it had all started. Being a mage. Having an apostate for a father. The horizon fell back at the same pace they approached. The river did not end. How would her life be if she was not a mage?

Meliana could not imagine. It was too much a part of her. How could anybody think to give it up? If she had been normal, maybe Kirkwall would have fallen sooner. All these problems would never have arisen. She could not have faced Arishok without her power. Power that had scared him in Kirkwall. Power he disliked, distrusted even now.

Her hand was green against the blue sky. Just once Meliana wanted to be spared. The green light pulsed. She could feel its tug through her bones. It was a direct connection into the Fade. Demons and spirits lingered at her fingertips. The veil was volatile around her. Meliana was not sure, caution would save her.

Contemplation did not save her either. She spent long hours with Solas. They discussed the mark. The distance from Haven and the great Breach had no effect on its behaviour. Meliana was just glad it stayed put. She would have preferred it to vanish. Solas promised to look into every source he knew to find out more about it. She had offered to participate in experiments. Anything to understand the horror of her hand. All she wanted was a chance at getting rid off it.

But Solas was cautious. The mark was still needed. He would not endanger the whole world by removing it. “Are you willing to endanger all of Thedas because of your discomfort?”

“I’m close.” Meliana shrugged. “I’m not sure I care.”

“But we need you.” It had once been the shortest way to her compliance.

“No.” She hook her head sadly. “You do not. What you need is somebody to figurehead the Inquisition and the ability of the mark to close the holes in the sky. If I could transfer the latter, I am sure the former would easily follow.”

Solas was silent for some time. “I can see your point,” he finally replied. “I was under the impression you wanted to help, though.”

“I do. But for once I would like to have a say in how I lead my life and how I help. Just once.” She sighed.

“Is that how you see your life?”

“I had to leave my home because of the Fifth Blight. We went to Kirkwall where I had to hire myself out as a sell-sword just for the right to stay because my uncle had gambled away the inheritance of my mother. But we managed. My mother got her estate and rights back. Things settled. I was making plans for my life again when it was considered unavoidable that I marry the Arishok of the Qunari people to save Kirkwall.”

“That tuned out well from what I heard.”

“That turned out well? _That turned out well?_ ” Meliana was almost shouting. “It saved Kirkwall for a while until somebody decided that a safe Kirkwall was not what they needed. It was what got Kirkwall destroyed. It was what got me made tranquil. And in the six years after losing my magic, I lost all my friends.

“And then I spent two years recovering from the trauma of it all. But I got better. And I decided to have last bow, chip in on the debate and help as best as I can. And in return I get this!” She thrust her left hand into his face. “So here I am and people are all agog how I don’t quietly acquiesce but actually want to have a say in my life.”

Meliana sighed and calmed herself. “I am sorry. It’s just-”

“You mentioned before that you found a cure to Tranquility,” Solas interrupted gently. “I assume it is linked to you stance on Spirits.”

Any other time, Hawke was happy to change topic. Solas was very good at that. He wanted to know why she approved of Spirits. She ran a hand over her eyes. “It is. And one day, I will tell you. It is just,” she hesitated, “painful. Personal. Another tale of loss and I feel it acutely.”

He had left it at that. Meliana was grateful. Solas was one of the few people that would understand. But she was not ready. Sometimes the emptiness in her head still hurt. A pulsing void in the shape of Justice.

The first tantalising glimpse of Haven slipped away again. It took forever to reach the village. Each time the wooden palisade came into view it was a closer. By the time they reached it, dusk was settling over the landscape. Meliana knew she would not get anything done that day. So she would wait. What was one more day? She had lasted over three weeks.

Not seeing him stand on the training ground was just another pang. She parted from her companions. It was easy to hole up in her hut. Considerate souls had provided even wine. It was not a solution. The cosy buzz drowned out that knowledge. Meliana did not know what came next. Her advisors would have to do their jobs. All of them. She fell asleep with a smile.

 

* * *

 

Hawke awoke freezing. The fire had gone out and the cold of winter crept through every gap. She got up, made fire and hung her clothes close to it to warm up. Then she returned into the warmth under the blankets. This day was important. She needed to strategise. Any excuse to stay in bed.

The excuses worked very well. Right up until the moment Cassandra came. It only took five minutes until they were on their way to the Chantry. The advisors were already waiting in the hall. Hawke wanted to get this over with fast. The Arishok – Valoraas – was towering up behind Leliana.

Of course they already knew what had happened. Birds were faster than horses. Everybody agreed that the mission could have gone better. But they had not just wasted several weeks of their lives on the road.

“At least we know how to approach the mages and Templars now.” Hawke was proud. She had remembered to include the Templars. Valoraas was not impressed. Meliana smiled. When was he ever?

“The templars should not have left the Chantry and the capital.” Valoraas crossed his arms before him. The light of the many candles gleamed in his dark armour.

“Lord Seeker Lucius is not the man I remember,” Cassandra agreed.

“It is unknown whereto he has taken the order,” Leliana added. “My reports have been very odd.”

“We must look into it,” Valoraas urged. “The templars are an important force for keeping dangerous mages at bay.”

Meliana smiled. He had remembered to add ‘dangerous’.

“Or Hawke could simply go to meet the mages in Redcliffe,” Josephine chimed in.

She had remembered how much Hawke hated to be called Herald of Andraste. Maybe all of them were good at remembering something important today.

“The mages are in open rebellion,” Valoraas replied. “Do you think they are safe? They could be a much worse threat. Hawke stands with the Chantry.”

“You could stop bickering and make a decision,” Hawke said. She would give them the chance to take this into their own hands. Because her decision was clear. She could feel the eyes of her Arish- Valoraas. His name is Valoraas. Meliana shook her head. The sooner she remembered this, the more pain she would spare herself.

“I agree,” Cassandra said. She did not offer to make the decision though.

Neither did Josephine who spoke up for the mages once more. Valoraas did not have to say a word. It was clear that he would prefer to work with the Templars. And to make the evasive manoeuvre complete, Cassandra suggested to assemble more influence before tempting anything.

They needed more agents, more allies, more resources. A task that would gladly be left to Hawke. She watched them scatter. So much for forcing a decision. It was still up to her. She turned to follow Valoraas when Leliana intercepted her.

“There is one other matter,” she said. “Several months ago, the Grey Wardens of Ferelden vanished. I sent word to Orlais, but they have also disappeared.”

Meliana perked up. If the wardens disappeared, what about Carver? The urge to run off and look for him was overwhelming. She was free after all. Free of the curse of Tranquility. Free of the curse of recuperation. Her left hand stung. Almost free of curses.

“That does sound odd,” she replied carefully.

“The others have disregarded this but I cannot ignore it,” Leliana continued. “Two days ago, my agents in the Hinterlands heard news of a Grey Warden by the name of Blackwall. If you have the opportunity, please seek him out. See what you can find out.”

“Of course.” The name meant nothing to Meliana. But maybe that Blackwall knew something about Carver. She had planned to seek him out after the Conclave; get up to date and see how their future lives could be connected. Another thing that would not happen.

The information had thrown her. Meliana wanted to pace. Moving about helped clear her thoughts. She needed to know what to do next. She had gotten up with a plan. She could not remember a lick of it. That was bad. But Carver. If the Wardens were in trouble, she had to help Carver.

When she passed through the Chantry’s double doors again, a young man in armour was flagging her down. “Excuse me. I have a message for the Inquisition, but I’m having a hard time getting anyone talk to me.”

Another unexpected complication. But with her thoughts in shambles already, what did it matter? She could definitely take messages for the Inquisition. Let the others be busy with important things. Though she was unclear on how they could know this was not important if nobody spoke to the messenger yet.

“Who are you, soldier?” First things first. Hawke would not get far delivering a message if she had no sender.

“Cremissius Aclassi, with the Bull’s Chargers Mercenary company,” he replied promptly. “We mostly work out of Orlais and Nevarra. We got word of some Tevinter mercenaries gathering out on the Storm Coast. My company commander, Iron Bull, offers the information free of charge. If you’d like to see what the Bull’s Chargers can do for the Inquisition, meet us and watch us work.”

That was just what Cassandra had told her to do. Hawke shook her head. How far to the Storm Coast? Would those mercenaries be worth it? She quizzed Aclassi about them. The group did not sound very big. And they had a Qunari for a leader. Meliana bid Aclassi farewell with a smile. She would meet him soon.

A Qunari leader. That was the opening she had needed. A reason. Qunari liked reason. She would give it to him. But first she needed to talk to Cassandra. Somebody had to go and find Warden Blackwall. Vivienne should accompany the seeker. Together they were unstoppable force and persuasion.

Hawke found Cassandra training again. It was difficult to turn her back on Valoraas. But he would have to wait just a moment. If all went well, there would be time soon. She watched the seeker for a while, waiting for her to come to a break in her exercises.

“You want to speak with me?” Cassandra put her sword away carefully.

“Yes. I was approached by a messenger. There is a mercenary group that wants to join the Inquisition.”

“That is good news.”

“Yes. But I need you to follow up Leliana’s information about the Grey Warden who appeared in the Hinterlands.” Hawke paused. “If they have all vanished, I just need to know, Seeker. My brother-”

“Varric has told me about Carver,” Cassandra filled the sudden silence. “I understand that you want information about him. But why do you not go yourself. I can asses the mercenaries.”

Meliana took a deep breath. No. I need to go myself. Their leader is a Qunari, maybe Tal-Vashoth. It is a reason I need. I will take Valoraas with me.”

“Why?” Cassandra asked.

“There is nobody who knows more about the Qunari and Tal-Vashoth. If there is anything suspicious about it, he will know.” Meliana hesitated. “Also, the two of us need to talk. There are so many unresolved issues flying about I find it difficult to work.”

“So it is true.” Cassandra was able to ask question in plain sentences.

“What do you mean?” Meliana jumped at the chance to deflect from the missing ‘with him’ after work. “That he was the Arishok and married to me during out time in Kirkwall? Yes, it is true.”

“I thought,” Cassandra hesitated, “Varric has a way of embellishing stories. And he know I am partial to romances.”

Meliana chuckled. “So you thought he made it up? He would, don’t get me wrong. But in this case he did not.”

“Is it a problem?” Cassandra wanted to know.

“Not for anybody but maybe the two of us,” Meliana replied. “We will find a way to solve this. But for that, I need the time to really talk with him. And how ever it turns out, it will help the Inquisition.”

“I believe you.” Cassandra sounded surprised. “I will-”

“Don’t.” Meliana smiled. “I do not want this to be an order. I would prefer it to be a request granted.”

“I think I understand. Good luck, Hawke.”

“Thank you.” Meliana felt that she would need luck. A lot of luck. And convincing skills she was not sure she still had. It was not as if she had actually argued Kirkwall’s nobility into backing down. Words were so complicated. She took a deep breath, straightened up and tentatively looked in the direction Valoraas was overseeing the training of the troops.

It was probably better not to confront him in front of his men. It was an excellent excuse to wait until the evening. By then she would have found the next good reason to procrastinate on talking to him. It was not making sense. She did want to talk to him. Why was it so difficult?

She walked away abruptly. Meliana did not stop. She did not look around. Her gaze focussed somewhere beside and behind his right biceps. Better than focussing on that biceps. It was cleverly hidden by metal and cloth. But that was not erasing memory. Meliana swallowed.

When she reached the Qunari, Meliana planted herself before him. “We need tot talk.”

Valoraas looked at her, then to the training soldiers. He nodded and gestured towards his tent.

Now that was unexpected. Meliana nodded and walked in the indicated direction. All her arguments fluttered in a sudden wind. She had shored up for opposition. The sudden compliance unbalanced her plans. Andraste was a weasel if he did not know exactly what he was doing.

“Speak, then.” He said after the tent flap had come down behind her.

Meliana dragged her eyes away from the tent’s interior. Naturally, sleeping on the ground was easier his size. She doubted that anybody had a bed of acceptable size in Haven. “I will be leaving for the storm Coast tomorrow. I hope to gain the support of a mercenary group there.”

“A step to expand the influence of the Inquisition, just as we discussed.” Valoraas did not take his eyes off her. “What do you need to talk to me for?”

“Come with me.” Meliana clasped her hands behind her back. She would reach out otherwise. He deserved better.

“You want to use the time spent travelling for conversation.” Valoraas replied.

“I do.” There was no use denying. “Their leader is also a Tal-Vashoth, maybe a Qunari, by the name of The Iron Bull.”

“Hissrad, yes.” Valoraas did not sound surprised. “He is gathering information for the Triumvirate. I can tell you all I know about Hissrad here. The army needs training.”

“The army will always need training,” Meliana countered. “And if this proves to be not helpful, I will not ask again.”

Just this once, Meliana prayed. Just this once, yield and accompany me. She would never know how much of the man she loved was left if they did not talk. And he insisted she had no time. So she would _make_ time.

“I am not the person I was eight years ago.” He was reading her mind. “And neither are you.”

Meliana nodded. How could she be angry at him when he still knew her so well? “Still I would not deny the people we are now the chance to see if they can build on what as been in the past.”

“You believe it possible.”

“Some things about oneself are hard to change,” Meliana said. “Even under the direst of circumstances. You dedication to duty, your commitment to doing what needs to be done, bringing order and stability to this chaos. Those are still part of you.”

“So is your abysmal optimism,” Valoraas replied.

“It is not unfounded. When you are near, I am a peace. I do not know how the Qun handles emotions. When you are close, I find my strength. I know I can do what needs to be done. It is the bottom line, even if it is inexplicable.”

“And this is why you want me to accompany you.”

“That and the look on The Iron Bull’s face when he sees you.” Meliana chuckled. “No, honestly. I want to make the time to talk. And I know you can fight. If it is a trap, if he is trying to lure me away from protection, I am safe with you.”

“You are.” He looked down at her. “But am I?”

“I promise.” She didn’t even have to think about it. “No harm will come to you through me or my magic. Or that, that thing on my hand. Solas will accompany us. He knows most about the mark.”

“That leaves one question,” Valoraas said.

Meliana couldn’t believe she had won. He would accompany her. They would talk. Everything else would sort itself somehow. “What question?”

“Transportation.”

She stared at him. Images of him on various mounts flashed through her mind. Meliana nodded. “I will solve it. You know I can.”

“Previous experience suggests so, yes.” A trace of humour was peeking through his solemn tone.

The world outside the tent was changed when Meliana stepped into it with a clear head. Maybe they had a nuggalope somewhere. It would at least be big enough not make Valoraas look ridiculous riding it. She would have to ask how the watchtowers came along. With animals like nuggalopes, a real stable master was required. She wondered if Dennet ever had to deal with anything but horses. Too late for that now.


	4. 4

There were no nuggalopes. Horse Master Dennet was not happy about the idea either. Meliana acquired the biggest horse available. It looked like a pony once Valoraas had mounted. Meliana suppressed a giggle.

As it turned out, horseback was not the best place to have a heart-to-heart. Meaningless chatter filled the air between the companions. Except for Valoraas. He rode in silence. It did not feel hostile or resentful. If she hadn’t wanted to talk to him so baldy, Meliana would have thought it restful.

Evening took too long to come. Setting up camp took forever. And she was tired. The blue of evening vanished into the night. Meliana was freezing. It was not just the weather. It was being tired and lonely.

Varric patted her shoulder. “Give it time, Birdie. We will be on the road for days. Give it time.”

That he was right didn’t help. Meliana sat at the fire, staring into the flames miserably.

“Your dwarf has always given good counsel,” Valoraas agreed as he went past.

“I know.” Meliana tried to smile at him. “I owe him a lot.”

Valoraas returned her gaze. It was strange that it managed to hold. There was quite a distance between them. In her dreams, he sat down now, sharing a few reassuring words. But reality was silent.

“Go on.” Meliana gestured. “He is right but I can’t sleep.”

“It is a long day tomorrow,” Valoraas warned.

“I will fall asleep on the horse.” She smiled. “Been there, done that. Don’t worry. I’ll be fine.”

“You better,” he growled. “You are too important to fall off your horse and crack your skull open because you could not stop moping.”

A plethora of retorts rose in her throat and was swallowed. He deserved better. “Rest assured that my moping will come to an end before we return home. I can handle a few sleepless nights. I’ve had worse.”

Valoraas nodded.

She watched him walk away. Then Meliana returned her gaze to the fire. She did not want to see him go to sleep. She did not want to see him at all. She would just watch him. It was calming. She needed her own calm. There was an empty pool of silence where she reached for Justice.

As expected, the next day did not go well. Meliana had grabbed a few hours of sleep. She had been cold. She could never fall asleep when she was cold. Frozen feet kept her awake. She felt them through her fitful sleep.

They rode through an obnoxiously bright day. The sun shone down on them. It did not warm her. Meliana moved her toes in the boots. They still felt cold. Her nose felt cold. Every part of her was steeped in cold. A small glacier burnt inside her. She shivered.

Varric passed time with telling stories. Solas made a point of not listening. That was life. Sooner or later he would relate something from her life. Hawke got ready to reply with meaningless details. 28 minstrels. She smiled.

The snow had receded by the second evening. The ground was damp. Meliana crouched in front of another fire that did not warm her. They talked strategy. Valoraas talked about Hissrad. Meliana looked forward to meeting him. A Qunari spy. She had wondered why none had come to help Arishok.

“Why was he not re-educated when he turned himself in?” Meliana wanted to know.

“It is not always necessary,” Valoraas explained. “He was following the Qun loyally. There was nothing wrong with him. A change of duty was sufficient. It rewarded his loyalty and served the Qunari.”

“You set a doubting man free in a sea of temptation,” Varric said. “How well do you think that will turn out?”

“Hissrad was loyal when I left Par Vollen,” Valoraas insisted. “His will is strong. He will not yield to temptation.”

Either he admired the strength of Hissrad to pose as The Iron Bull for such a long time. Or he needed to believe that Hissrad was that strong for his own reasons.

“How many years has it been?” Varric asked.

Meliana threw him a glare and he shrugged. There was no need to possibly rub Valoraas’ perceived failure in his face. Meliana did not like being a failure. And she was not. Arishok had returned to the Qun as much as Hissrad had. Of that she was sure.

“You tell yourself what you need to sleep, Valoraas. I will just sleep.” Varric wandered off and managed to convince Solas to do the same.

Meliana moved around the fire. She put it between her and Valoraas. He was not easier to look at in the flickering light. Meliana was startled by the reflections on his cuirass. She did not expect it. But there was no matte red on grey opposite her.

“Why?” She asked softly into the crackling of branches. “How are you here?”

Valoraas did not reply. He looked into the fire. Then he looked at her. “I have failed the Qun.” He said it as if it was obvious.

“You what?” Meliana tried not to keel forward into the fire. “You’d never!”

“And who are you to decide that?”

She hesitated. “Why was it decided? On what basis?”

“Based on what happened in Kirkwall.” It was obvious that he didn’t want to talk about it.

“They excommunicated you for marrying me?” Meliana was ready to crawl through the blaze and shake him. “It was a political arrangement. It worked. And as soon as it stopped, you discarded it. Maker knows I cursed you often enough for your stubborn loyalty to the Qun despite everything.”

“It may look like that from the outside,” Valoraas just said.

“Bullshit,” she burst out. “Everything you did was for your people. Even the things that were maybe not so Qunari. You did it to fulfil their demands. Everything else was just side effects. You would have razed Kirkwall on a word. You would have wiped the whole Free Marches from the map. You were never loyal to anything but the Qun.”

“Perhaps.” He didn’t say more.

Meliana was about to berate him when she realised that he just might have, maybe, possibly, admitted that she had been worth doubting. Oh dear. “But you returned the Tome of Koslun,” she said instead.

“I did.”

"And you did your damnedest to incite the Free March to war!”

“Destroying Kirkwall was deemed overkill,” Valoraas said softly. “Instead of creating war, it created fear.”

“Nothing you could have done would have made Kirkwall declare war on the Qunari,” Meliana countered. “They knew they were outmatched with just your small force there. They knew they stood no chance.”

“A miscalculation on my side.” His calm infuriated her. “I should have anticipated it and downplayed our strength.”

“Alright.” Meliana nodded. “So what is the unofficial story? Your successor in spe liked his position too much and didn’t want to part with his power?”

His silence was all the answer she needed.

“Please, do not make that face, Meliana.”

“What face?” She narrowed her eyes.

“The face you make before you go off to kill a lot of people.” He might have been smiling. The fire painted twisting lines on his face.

“I wont,” Meliana ground out. “I mean, I won’t go off and kill people. I want to. But I won’t.”

“I appreciate it.”

“You better. I am not doing it for them.” She sat back. “But they are your people and you still, bloody still after all they did, you still care for them and want to protect them and I will not hurt you by hurting them.”

They watched the fire in silence. Thoughts swirled through Meliana’s head. How could anybody ever think Arishok was not loyal to the Qun? It was his biggest fault. Maybe that was why he had to believe Hissrad able to withstand temptation. Because he had not. Did he really believe it? Or did he have to believe it for his own sanity?

“So,” his voice shook her from her musings, “how are you here?”

“Well,” Meliana put on a smile, ready to make light off it. “After I left Kirkwall in somewhat of a hurry, we, well my friends, tried to find a cure for Tranquility. We travelled a lot. One by one they left. They could not bear to see me like that.”

Levity dripped to the ground with each word. “Varric tried his best, but in the end, even he, well. I finally, and then only Anders was left. You remember Anders, the mage with the spirit of Justice? Justice could reconnect me with my magic. Those were glorious, precious, painful moments. We knew we could not bear it for forever. The solution was to expose me to Justice continuously. I don’t know how we managed, but we did.”

“You are possessed.” Valoraas glared at her through the fire.

“No, I was.” Meliana looked at her hands. "I prefer if everybody believes that being pulled physically into the Fade has cured me. It did not. It was Anders. It was Justice. It was – there are no words. I had my life back. Everything was, I don’t know. But there was a drawback. Anders left. He felt guilty for burdening me like that. He felt guilty for abandoning his friend like that. He could not stand my sight.”

Meliana sighed. “But even worse. I had not felt an emotion for over six years. But it was not as if they never happened. They had just been stored away, waiting patiently. And suddenly I had to grapple with six years of feeling things. There was a reason I did not go out much in the following years. I told Varric. Everybody looking for me would look for Varric.”

“That much is true.”

She looked up shortly, smiling despite herself. “Yes, it is, isn’t it? And I got better. I learned how to control my feelings again. Maybe the backlog was depleted over time. And Justice, they were kind. Frothing at the mouth about what was casually done to mages but kind. They gave me time.”

“Possession is not acceptable,” Valoraas said. “You were an abomination.”

“Perhaps.” Meliana shrugged non-committal. “Over time I could actually move among people again. I helped put things right, administering justice in small ways. By then the war between templars and mages had grown. We did not want it. So we decided to go to the Conclave, bring whatever justice to it that we could.”

“How are you certain you are not possessed any longer?” he sounded angry.

Meliana chuckled sadly. “I don’t remember what happened at the Conclave. How I got the mark or why. All I remember is Justice being torn from me, as if my head was split open and filled with liquid iron.”

She put her head in her hands. It was still palpable. The pain. The searing aloneness. Tears rose and she wiped them away. “It’s like a lost tooth. You feel for it but it is gone and the jaw is sore and raw. Justice was my friend.”

She looked up at him, her voice hard. “I know there are more ways to destroy abominations than to kill the host. I know there a benign spirits, not just demons. I know!” She took a deep breath and raised her left hand. “And thus I believe there is a way to get rid of this, too. There has to be.”

“Why did you not tell the truth to Cassandra or Leliana?” Valoraas wanted to know.

“I am aberrant enough as I am,” Meliana replied. “I was Tranquil. Now I am not Tranquil. I have this stupid mark that can perform magic tricks nobody even heard off. Half the people are already scared of me because they think I am holy. I do not want them to fear me.”

“But I should?”

“No. But you need to know the truth, all of it. I know you do not like a word of it. But you have to know to know me. If we are to be friends, or anything really, again, you need to know.” She smiled. “I would never lie to you. Maker knows how tempted I am hoping you’ll just like me again because you don’t know.”

“It is a lot to consider.”

Meliana nodded. “I want to think on what you said as well. I needed to know. I could not make up any scenario that brought you here. It is difficult to accept.”

Silence descended again. Meliana started to nod off. Her body longed to stretch out. It did not want to move. She sighed. It was what it was. They would make something from this. The foundation had been laid out. If it was not fit to carry a house, it just wasn’t.

She crawled into her bedroll eventually. Pulling up one leg, she smiled. Her feet were warm.

 

* * *

 

 The trip was thoughtful the coming days. Now and then, Meliana cast a glance in Valoraas direction. She shook her head. It still made no sense. Well, it made sense from a standpoint of political manoeuvring. But the Qun was not supposed to have that. She worried. Arishok would have taken in badly.

Sometimes she caught Valoraas looking at her. His eyes were dark. He did not like her past. From the day she had turned up Tranquil in their home to today. It was everything he despised. She would have to live with it. His gaze did not turn lighter as days passed.

The weather got warmer. Snow turned into rain. Soon it was clear where the Storm Coast got its name from.

“Next time, let’s meet in a place calls Sunny Shores or something,” Meliana complained. She was soaked. Water dripped from her hood. Everything was damp and dressing in the mornings was not fun. The only one who didn’t even seem to notice was Solas.

“That’s because he is half in the Fade any given moment,” Varric teased.

Solas just sent him a look.

“Can’t blame him.” Meliana shook water from her face. “I never saw rain in the Fade. Nicely dry place, come to think about it.”

“Well, Valoraas here looks like he’d rather be rained on for the rest of his life.” Varric grinned.

Horns made hoods and cowls difficult. Consequently, Valoraas wore none. His white hair was plastered to his head. Rain ran down the lines on his face in rivulets. He appeared to be made from stone.

“You cannot compare the two,” he replied unexpected. “Rain will dry off again without leaving traces. Contact with magic will always change you.”

He was right there. Meliana sighed. Looking at like that, magic was not a good choice for somebody who looked for order and stability.

“Change is good,” Varric said. “It has a lot of opportunities if you know where to look.”

“That is the most un-dwarven thing I ever heard you say,” Meliana laughed. “And I listened to you a lot.”

There was no tension in the air between them. It made travelling easy. Scout Harding had already established a small presence at the Storm Coast. There was something about missing Wardens here as well. It made Meliana uneasy. Her brother could be embroiled in this. Carver could be in danger.

But first things first. The Tevinters had landed and were currently trying to fortify parts of the beach as their own. The Iron Bull and his Chargers were stopping them. They watched from the hillside for a while. The group was impressive. The Iron Bull was impressive. He might just measure up to Arishok. Physically.

Valoraas. Meliana bit the inside of her cheek. “Ready to lend a helping hand?” Her words tasted of blood. Her companions were ready. They joined the fray.

She would one day get used to it. Meliana paralysed the heavily armoured captain currently attacking The Iron Bull. The Qunari glanced up briefly, smiled and began to chip bits off his enemy. Their coming did not stay undetected for long. Solas' barrage of fire drew backup from behind a ridge of boulders.

It took effort not to keep a constant eye on Valoraas. He was a splendid fighter. And under that armour and cloak no muscles were visibly moving anyway. But being ready to cast protecting spells over him was ingrained. She had to stay her hand. Her whole body froze up. It took two arrows passing by too close and a rogues knife grazing her flesh to rattle her awake.

She took out the rogue with a volley of lightning and a well-aimed hit in the throat. Looking around the only ones standing were her friends and the Chargers. Tevinter soldiers were scattered around in varying states of dying. She turned towards the Qunari leader. Aclassi was giving him the stats.

“Let the throatcutters finish up, then break out the casks.” The Iron Bull turned his attention her. His glance wandered over her companions. It did not stutter when it passed Valoraas. Then he looked down at Meliana.

It felt familiar. She suppressed a chuckle. They were all impossibly tall.

“So you’re with the Inquisition, huh?” He looked convincingly unaware of who she was. “Glad you could make it. Come on, have a seat. Drinks are coming.”

Meliana followed him to a group of rocks. The ocean had washed them smooth. They sat down. “The Iron Bull,” Meliana said. “And I know you are aware of my identity.”

He smirked and handed her a cup. “I assume you remember Cremisius Aclassi, my lieutenant.”

They nodded at each other and negotiations began in earnest. Meliana played with her cup mostly. Wine was a coping mechanism. It felt strange to share it. The group needed payment. Leliana would handle that. And The Iron Bull wanted to be a part of the Inquisition so the price would be fair.

“And you’re not just getting the boys,” The Iron Bull confirmed. “You’re getting me. You need a frontline bodyguard, I’m you man.” His eyes flicked to Valoraas again. “Whatever it is – demons, dragons? The bigger the better. And there is one more thing. Might be useful. Might piss you off.”

“You are Hissrad,” Meliana supplied. He looked from her to Valoraas and back again. “And if you think that maybe you have seen my friend’s face before, maybe in Par Vollen maybe in some different context, then yes. You might. He is exactly who you suspect.”

“You do not need a frontline bodyguard then,” The Iron Bull conceded. “I did not believe it. That he should chose exile over re-education. Though, seeing you, it is not as much of a stretch.”

 _Chose exile?_ Meliana almost looked over her shoulder. “I take that as a compliment,” she said to distract herself. “And Valoraas is the general of our forces. He cannot accompany me every time. Also, I want your Chargers. They are a formidable group.”

“They are.” There was unmistakable pride in his tone. “And you are quite safe whatever else I might have planned.”

“You run your reports back home past Leliana. And if you endanger the Inquisition in any way, Valoraas will only be able to mop up the pieces Leliana and Cassandra left of you.”

“You won’t regret it,” The Iron Bull assured her.

“I think not. I don’t care that you’re loyal to the Qun. Been there, done that. As long as we both fight to close the hole in the sky, we are good.”

“Your political savviness is now the subject of several lessons,” he replied. His glance touched upon Valoraas again.

“Then most of it is made up.” Meliana grinned. “I learned politics from a dwarf who talks to much and a blockheaded soldier.”

“Both do what you want,” The Iron Bull said. “And so will I. Because I get paid for it.”

“Deal.” She held out her hand. He took it. For a second Meliana wondered what she was doing. Striking deals, building a force. More Qunari. Well, that was a good thing. She watched him join his men. They trusted him. That was good. She needed trust.

“They’ll finish up their business here, then follow us to Haven,” Meliana told her friends. “They are a good company but we need to talk about their leader, Valoraas.”

He nodded in agreement.

“If that’s that, I would like to look around a little. If the Grey Wardens are vanishing, I need to know. My brother,” she stopped. “I need to know.”

“As you wish.” Valoraas adjusted his sword. It was not the one Meliana remembered. She noticed the decided lack of his axe. Something was afoot. Another talk for another time.

“I wish I could put your mind at ease about Carver,” Varric said. “But I have not heard from him for a long time.”

Solas remained silent. Meliana decided to draw out some of his family history while they were here. Sometimes he needed to be reminded that there was a world outside of the Fade.

They set off towards the places Harding had mentioned. Maybe she would get some more answers back in Haven. Vivienne had surely drawn every last bit of information out of that Grey Warden by the time they returned.


	5. 5

They found only traces of the Grey Wardens. Whatever they had done here, they were gone now. Meliana turned her back to the Storm Coast with a heavy heart. The way back to Haven felt a lot shorter. Meliana worried for Carver. Mulling about Valoraas wormed its way into her thoughts. She thought about Valoraas and the worry of Caver would derail her inner arguments. It made for quiet travelling and light conversation in the evenings. They skirted troubling topics gracefully.

When they reached Haven, Meliana still hadn’t had the conversation about The Iron Bull with Valoraas. It was okay. A reason to visit him some time. Hawke informed Leliana about their new fights and spy. She left it to the spymaster to decide who else needed to know. Then she went in search of Vivienne.

She found the First Enchanter in the Chantry. The symbolism was not lost on her. Meliana did not buy into it. The Chantry had the power to protect. It did not use it. It did not use it to protect mages. Not where Meliana had seen.

“Welcome back, dear,” Vivienne greeted. “You should get some rest after your journey. You look tired.”

“I am just worried,” Meliana said. “How did your own journey go?”

“It was very successful, if you consider picking up a random Grey Warden a success,” Vivienne replied. “Either he is too intimidated by me or he really knows nothing. Such a waste of time, my dear. I wish the news was better.”

“I’ll talk to him again,” Hawke said. “You are intimidating. And I can’t give up on any news relating to my brother.”

“As you wish. He was moved into the house next to the smithy. I wish you luck. He did say that he rarely saw other Wardens even when they were not vanished.”

That did not sound promising. But she had to go. Tiny snowflakes drifted on the wind as she walked through Haven. Meliana could hear the faint music coming from the inn. The noises of the smithy drowned it out soon.

Blackwall was in his house. He greeted her politely and turned even more polite when he realised who she was. It was a curse.

“At ease,” Meliana said. “I am not here for a questioning. All I want to know is if you have ever met my brother, Carver Hawke.”

“Can’t say I have,” Blackwall replied. “My job is to recruit new Wardens. You only need one person for that. When there is no Blight, interest is low.”

“You never get called back or asked to meet with the other wardens?” Meliana did not believe it.

“Not often. As long as the recruits did well, there was no reason unless I had something on my mind.”

She still didn’t buy it. But if Blackwall didn’t budge, there was nothing she could. do. Meliana sighed. “I am just worried for my brother.”

“If you want, I can travel to Weisshaupt,” Blackwall offered.

“Thank you.” Meliana smiled. He looked uncomfortable though. “But not now. We will approach the mages next and for that I need you.”

“Me?” He was genuinely surprised.

“The Inquisition is a new organisation. No matter how much good we did, we are small and an unknown. So we will make a grand entrance displaying what we do have to offer. Vivienne as First Enchanter to the Orlesian Court and adviser of Empress Celene, Cassandra representing the Chantry and nobility of Ferelden and you, a member of the Grey Wardens who stand for doing what is right.”

“Sounds impressive if you say it like that.”

Meliana chuckled. It did. It sounded wonderful in theory. But if you knew those involved, if you knew the actual size and shape of the Inquisition… Well, everybody had to start somewhere. She knew that. “We will make it look impressive as well.”

“Easy for you,” Blackwall said. “But is cutting out the Templars a good idea?”

“It’s not,” Meliana agreed. “But I have not yet found a solution. If you have any idea?”

“I am a Warden for a reason, Inquisitor. For many,” he corrected. “Disdain for politics is one of them.”

“I wish I could do that.” Meliana sighed. “Oh, well. If you can think of anything, anything to find the Wardens or just Carver, let me know. Or the advisors when I’m gone.”

“Of course,” he assured her. It did not actually do anything, but it helped calm her mind.

She would be gone again so soon. It was ridiculous how much riding this Inquisition included. She considered complaining. But there were many things worse than riding. Making decisions. Maybe making decisions would be okay if she stayed. She was not alone here. There was an official visit to Valoraas pending. Tomorrow, or later, if there was a later.

This left little to do. Meliana felt tired. Not in her body. Her body felt like having a drink or two and spar through the night. Her mind was exhausted. The idea to flop down and not get up again was appealing. Josephine could think up something for the Templars. Meliana felt she was not doing her job.

For a moment she considered talking to Solas. But that meant walking all through Haven. They had spoken a lot while travelling. Meliana directed her feet in the direction of her own hut. She laid down with a book at hand. He body and mind would have to battle it out between themselves.

 

* * *

 

By morning, the two were still at it. Meliana felt that she might have slept. It had felt mostly like lying awake and waiting for sleep. She did not feel rested. The book had been useless. With a sigh, she got ready for the war council.

Valoraas looked splendid. Josephine looked unimpressed by the Qunari towering over her.

“So, when do I leave,” Hawke asked. “And what do I need to know?”

“It could be a trap,” Josephine said. “But we are aware of this and you will go well guarded.”

“If it is a trap, it is a well-guarded one,” Leliana added. “My spies cannot find any trace of duplicity.”

“That’s a good thing, right?” Hawke said.

“I do not like it,” Valoraas said. “The Templars are the safer choice.”

“Fighting a magical problem nobody has seen before, I’d rather have minds that study magic in all its varieties than those that are trained to just stop what they see.” She sighed. “I understand your reservations.”

“I know.”

“So I want you to prepare Haven for the mages. They will need to travel here in force to close the Breach. Make sure they are safe. Make sure everybody is safe.”

Valoraas nodded. “As you wish.”

“Josephine,” Hawke turned to her ambassador, “Is there anyway to approach the Templars, too? I don’t want them to feel utterly snubbed. If we cannot gain them for allies, at least let us not be enemies.”

“I will see what I can do,” Josephine replied. “Our options are limited if we do not want to look like a Templar trap to the mages.”

“Have Leliana help. Spies are invisible.” Hawke nodded at her spymaster.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Good. So,” Meliana sighed. “Off again tomorrow?”

“It will take you over a week to reach Redcliffe,” Leliana said.

“You cannot afford to waste a whole day,” Valoraas added.

“Okay,” Meliana agreed beat. “That conversation concerning The Iron Bull?”

“I am here now,” he replied. “Talk.”

Meliana motioned Josephine and Leliana out of the room. Then she hoisted herself up on the war table, dangling her legs. “He did tell me he is a spy.”

“You prompted him,” Valoraas assumed.

“Well.” Not in so many words. Meliana replayed the conversation. Well. In One word. “He also seemed to remember you.”

“I knew you would do that,” he said ignoring her change of subject. “You wanted him to be open about it.”

“What is your point?”

“You wanted him to join. You will go to extremes for something you want, Hawke. You think his presence will help me.”

“Am I wrong?” She pulled up her legs, pressing her heels against top of the table.

“I have not yet decided.” Valoraas stared at the map spread on the war table.

“Take your time,” Meliana said. “If he making things more difficult, he and his mercenaries are sure useful elsewhere.”

“He will make an excellent bodyguard,” Valoraas told her.

“I am happy to have you on that job.” She tried a smile. It fell a little short. “I don’t really need one for this mission. I promise to take him along whenever you suggest. I trust your judgement.”

His head turned slowly. “Is that wise?”

“I trusted you before and it has always served me well.” Meliana clenched her hands around her ankles. In other times she would have touched his face now. Other times. “I can’t say how it turned out for you, but I was always justified in trusting you. You never let me down.”

Valoraas returned his gaze to the map. “I was a different person.”

“Maybe. But different doesn’t have to mean better,” she countered. “Or worse. Sometimes different is just different.”

“They have broken my sword.” He did not look at her.

That was bad news indeed. “It can be reforged,” she offered.

“Can it?” Valoraas wanted to know. “Should it?”

“You still have the pieces, don’t you?”

His silence was heavy.

Meliana took a calming breath. Then she took another. “Listen, Valoraas. Give me the pieces of your sword. I will take good care of them until they are ready to be made whole again.”

There was another long silence. He did not look up. She did not look away. His face was lined. She knew most of those trenches. A few were new. She longed to touch them, feel if they were really real.

“What if I die first?”

“I will make sure the pieces are buried with you.” Meliana was not sure how well that translated into a Qunari mind. The bodies of the dead meant nothing to them. The empty shell held nothing of what had made a person dear.

“Alright. Follow me.” Valoraas did not look at her as he turned. He strode out of the Chantry with long steps. Meliana almost had to run to keep up with him. But it was worth it. Clutching a heavy bundle to her chest a little later made it worth it. The pieces were heavy. They were still half her size.

Meliana smiled as she carried the load into her home. She laid it on the bed. She unwrapped the layers of lather and cloth. She stared at the three pieces of metal. She remembered that sword. Arishok dealt out as much damage with it as with his axe. But swords were special to Qunari warriors.

Meliana felt like making a fool out of herself and a solemn promise to the metal. But she had said it all, there was no more. She would be a guardian. She would protect what she loved even if it did not love her back. Maybe she would stop loving. But she would not stop protecting.

She wrapped up the broken weapon again carefully and tied up the bundle tightly. The chest beside her bed was too small to hold it. Meliana looked around. Then she shrugged. There was space under the bed. She would have to find a fitting box one day. Falling asleep might have been easier that night. But by the time the sun set, they were many miles away from haven already.


	6. 6

Travelling back to the Hinterlands was no fun. Vivienne had a pointed opinion of Grand Enchanter Fiona and liked to share. Her relation to Blackwall was condescending despite the Warden’s efforts. Cassandra kept herself apart. Most of her comments were non-verbal and disparaging.

Conversation at the camp fire was quickly steered to mage matters by Vivienne. It made Cassandra and Blackwall retire early. Hawke acquiesced. She would never agree with Vivienne. As Enchanter to the Orlesian Court her views were very political. They made sense in the context of claiming and balancing power.

It completely disregarded people as individuals. Meliana hated it with a passion. Of course some people were better off on a protected environment. But that didn’t apply only to mages. Magic didn’t even influence this need in a consistent way.

The Chantry taught everybody that mages were dangerous all the time. So you got mages that had to prove themselves all the time. Which neatly strengthened your hold over them. Add an armed force trained to hunt them you control and control over the one substance you declared legal to use to amplify magic and voilà, neatest box in the world.

The last thing you had to do for complete control was making sure they never saw a Dalish Keeper or, worse, met Avvar. Locking your mages up in Circles did that perfectly fine. Everybody locked up in one place for easy access or extermination. The Chantry had achieved this. Meliana did not think it would give up this power. Power was intoxicating. Ironically that was the hanging accusation for mages.

So what you really needed was mages that would think twice before using somebody else to reach their goals. So you needed people who would think twice before using others to achieve their goals. Now that was not a problem only mages had. Meliana sighed. Why were people always the source of all problems?

She was relieved when they finally arrived in Redcliffe. Vivienne was still alive and also still talking to her. In Redcliffe everybody was surprised to see them. Nobody had expected the, not even Grand enchanter Fiona. She could not remember inviting them in Val Royeaux. She said she had not been there.

They proceeded warily. A Tevinter Magister had arrived just before them. His name was Gereon Alexius. The mages had sworn allegiance to him immediately. Fiona followed him around like a pet dog, devoid of any own will. Vivienne had quite an opinion on that. She was less than impressed with Fiona. If possible, her regard for the other mage dropped another notch. Even Meliana could not think of anything worse the mages could have done. At least Alexius was willing to talk.

The meeting was held in the tavern. Alexius had ousted the Arl from his castle and still, they met in a tavern. It was not a good sign. Hawke looked at her backup. It was fine pitted against rebelling mages with nowhere to go. It meant nothing to a Tevinter Magister. They exchanged vaguely disgusted pleasantries and thinly veiled threats as they took their seats.

Alexius was here for something. It sure wasn’t something they were keen to part with. Hawke was determined to find out. She prepared to abuse all her unwillingly acquired diplomatic skills. The negotiations were about to start when a young man approached them. The Magister introduced him as his son. In return the young man went faint. Alexius turned into a worried mother hen without delay.

He picked Felix from Hawke, fussed and began to lead the young man away. “I shall send word to the Inquisition.” Alexius didn’t even turn to look at them. “We will conclude this at a later date.”

It was obviously a dismissal. It was beyond insulting. It was good that looks could not kill because Vivienne would have felled everybody in the tavern. Hawke unfolded the note the young man had put in her hand as he apologies for being faint.

_Come to the Chantry. You are in danger._

Well, that was very trust inducing. She showed it to her companions. What else is new?”

“It sounds like a trap,” Blackwall cautioned.

“In the Chantry?” Vivienne asked. “They must feel very confident to attempt an attack there.”

“Why not just ambush us in the inn?” Cassandra wanted to know.

“The innkeeper might take offence at having his stuff broken,” Hawke replied. “The Chantry has loads of money. And I don’t think Alexius cares for it, being a mage and from Tevinter and all.”

“Very good points, my dear,” Vivienne agreed. “We must enter carefully but prepared to kill anything that moves.”

Nobody was approaching the chantry or coming out of it as they approached. It was suspicious. The Chantry was the heart of a village. They stopped before the double doors and checked their weapons. Blackwall insisted on going in first. He would shield the Inquisitor with his life. Oh well. Hawke shrugged it off.

There was nobody inside the cavernous room. That might have been due to the rift hovering in its middle. The usual demons were plopping out of it. Hawke closed the rift. Her companions made short work of the demons. An unknown mage was helping them. It was a promising sign. He cold have helped the demons.

He turned to look at them. “Fascinating. How does that work exactly?”

Hawke raised a brow. It was not a question most people asked. They were just happy it worked. Even Solas had no answer. A pity he was not with them. He would have tried to give one anyway. Hawke waited until he had finished babbling. “Who are you?”

“Getting ahead of myself again,” he laughed and indicated a bow. “Dorian of House Pavus, most recently of Minrathous. How do you do?”

“How do you do,” Hawke replied automatically.

“Another Tevinter,” Cassandra said. “Be cautious with this one.”

Hawke was ready to sigh deeply. Of course another Tevinter. What had they expected? Redcliffe was ruled by a Tevinter mage. An Avvar, now that would have been a surprise. But another mage from Tevinter was actually boring. Dorian was a former disciple of Alexius. His knowledge could be helpful. If he could be trusted.

The Magister was using time magic. He had rearranged time to arrive in Redcliffe before them. Dorian explained that this magic was unstable and dangerous. It only started to work when the Breach appeared in the sky. He had also joined a cult calling itself the Venatori. They revered the Elder One. And they were obsessed with Hawke.

Meliana had had enough of cults for a lifetime. Though for once being the reason for one was at least making a little sense. She had survived the explosion at the Temple of Sacred Ashes. She could seal Rifts. Her bloody hand glowed green bright enough to read with at night.

Felix did turn up as well. The two wanted to stop Alexius. He was doing more harm than good. It was a situation painfully familiar to Hawke. Do what was right. Do not hesitate. Sacrifice what you must. She did not envy them.

Dorian was ready to leave. He did not want Alexius to know he had been there. So they would meet again in Haven. Felix would stay. His father was clucking over him because of his illness. There was no way he could slip away for longer periods.

Meliana let out a frustrated sigh. All this riding for nothing. Alexius had dismissed them as much in a statement of power as one of worry about his son. He would likely ask them to return the moment they set foot into Haven. But Meliana had no better idea. She was drawn to Haven. She would go.

Sure as anything, the moment they arrived, a raven arrived from Redcliffe, asking them to return. Hawke called on her advisers immediately. They were no happier than she was.

“One night,” Meliana said, “one night I shall sleep in my own bed. Damn that Magister. Does he think I can fly? Does he think to wear me down with all this travelling? Not that it ain’t working but really. Who’d want me to arrive on their doorstep annoyed?”

Leliana looked at Valoraas. He stayed unreadable.

Josephine shrugged. “It is highly improper. We could ignore him and turn to the Templars instead. It is not too late for that. I can make it happen.”

Hawke nodded. “I know. You are amazing, Josephine.”

“We do not have the manpower to storm Redcliffe Castle,” Valoraas spoke up. “We need another way in. Or we do as Lady Montilyet suggested. I support her idea.”

“He asks for you by name,” Josephine added. “It is obviously a trap.”

“Knowing is the first step of not falling for it,” Meliana said. She could not see herself approaching the Templars. She rubbed her forehead absently. After a moment she noticed the silence that had descended. The scar on her forehead was not obviously left from removing the brand of the Tranquil. But everybody in this room knew.

“Anyway, where is that Pavus guy we met in Redcliffe?” She changed the subject. “He wanted to help.”

“Alexius is so complimentary in his letter that we are sure he wants to kill you,” Jospahine said.

“If you go into Redcliffe Castle, you will die," Valoraas agreed. "We cannot lose our only means to close the Rifts. I will not allow it.”

Despite impeding death, Meliana's heart jumped a little.

“If we don’t even try, we lose the mages. And we will have a hostile foreign power on our doorstep,” Leliana supported her unexpectedly. “There is a secret entrance to the Castle in a nearby mill. It is too narrow for our troops but we could send agents.”

Progress. Hawke smiled.

“The agents will be discovered before they can reach the Magister,” Valoraas said.

“That’s why we need a distraction,” Leliana countered.

“That would be me,” Hawke chimed in before they could even start to argue.

Not that did not try. But before they could really start, the door opened and Dorian Pavus was brought in. As he had promised, he would help. He would get their agents past the Magister’s security while Hawke played bait. Valoraas did not like it. Meliana could feel it across the table. But it could not matter.

And she knew he would agree. It was her life, her decision. Valoraas had decided to follow the Inquisition, the Inquisitor. And that was her. He was committed. To that at least. Meliana smiled faintly.

“Then it is decided. We will go and meet with this Magister. We will hoist him by his petard and free the mages from his grasp.” Meliana looked down at the map. “But as I said. For one night, I _will_ sleep in my own bed.”

“I will accompany you,” Valoraas said. All eyes turned to him. “It is a trap. You need protection.”

Meliana nodded. “And Varric. If I am going into a trap, I want those around me I trust the most.”

Cassandra did not like it. But there was nothing she could do. It was an understandable wish. Also Leliana would probably lead her agents this time, knowing their Rift-Closer was in great danger. If only she was more than that. If only somebody else was that. Meliana sighed. It was what it was. At least Valoraas was committed to her role and function.

They spent the better part of the afternoon discussing the layout of the castle, access points and strategy. Meliana was not really interested in most of it. But it kept her in the same room as Valoraas and he was speaking up now and then. It also gave everybody the impression that she was really taking this seriously and would be well prepared.

It was nice to know that nobody wanted her to die. She stepped into the icy evening. With some luck, this would soon be over. She looked at the green hole above. She should thank it some day. After they closed it, the Inquisition would soon run out of tasks. That was good. They had to take down that cult Alexius belonged to. It was no good being the target of mad and powerful mages. And then? She didn’t know. It did not matter.

Order would have to be restored. It would take time. The Inquisition would not be necessary. Meliana wondered if she could get a say in rearranging the lives of mages. That would be nice. Snow crunched underfoot. For a moment she considered having a drink in the tavern. It would not stay one drink.

Meliana had said she wanted to sleep in her own bed. So she better make the best of that. They would leave early in the morning. Her room was undisturbed. She checked under the bed. There had been no time to commission an adequate box. Next time. There had to be a time she stayed longer than two days. She would have to make it so.


	7. 7

And here she was, travelling to the Hinterlands one again. It was like a bad habit. You didn’t like it, but you couldn’t stop yourself. With the agents coming along, it was also a lot less private. Dorian used the time to tell her about the experimental time magic he had done with Alexius. When the Magister was still his mentor, all of their work had been theoretical. Only after the Breach had appeared any of it started to work.

Hawke gave him leave to examine her hand. He was endlessly fascinated with it. He wanted to run tests and see how the mark affected time magic. A warning look from Valoraas was all it took to convince him that this would have to wait. No experiments until their return to Haven. No experiments unless explicitly approved by Valoraas.

They were expected in Redcliffe this time. The agents had left the group earlier that day. They would take a different route, sneak into the village and then slip through the secret passage into the castle. Dorian had gone with them.

“Almost like old times, huh?” Meliana had to smile.

“Using you as bait never gets old,” Varric agreed. “I’m just happy you’re fully functional again this time.”

“No dragon for backup, though.”

“There was never a dragon as backup,” Valoraas disagreed.

“Don’t tell Merrill,” Meliana chuckled.

“You are not on your own this time,” he continued. “It would be too dangerous.”

“If you say so.” Meliana shot Varric a warning glance. It was okay. She as a person was responsible for herself. She as the figurehead of the Inquisition was more than that. Her safety was not just her business. She was not expendable on her own terms. It was nothing personal. Varric might not get it. She did. And it did no matter if she liked it. Valoraas worked like that. She would take what she could get.

“I appreciate your protection.” She tried to smile up at him. The fur collar was in the way. Meliana sighed.

“It is a foolhardy venture.” His voice rumbled down at her.

“Isn’t it always with me?” She shrugged. “Me being Inquisitor only means I get to have more people be foolhardy with me.”

“You cannot protect them all.” Valoraas turned to look at her. “You cannot save them all.”

“Could I ever?” Meliana did her best to smile.

“No.” he returned his gaze to the approach gates of the castle. “It is good to know you understand this.”

There was a difference between understanding things with the head and understanding things with the heart. Meliana was not sure it was a difference he knew about. She kept silent. The doors of the castle opened for them. Strangely clad guards awaited the. Hawke assumed they were guards. They held no visible weapons. Mages did not need weapons.

“Announce us,” she demanded. They were not the only ones who could destroy with the blink of an eye. She smiled pleasantly. Her hand throbbed. Something was not right.

A messenger demanding that she leave her companions behind emphasised that feeling. She refused. The three of them might have a hard time staying where they were, but their headcount might just convince the Magister that it was not worth the trouble. She locked eyes with the messenger. He yielded and led them into the reception hall. The unarmed, masked guards followed.

Alexius was sitting on a throne his son standing on his right. Fiona waited obediently on the left at the foot of the stair to the throne. After they were announced, he stood. “It so good to see you again.” His subdued smile spoke loudly. He knew he had kept her on the road for no reason but his own.

Alexius was unhappy about the presence of Varric and Valoraas. He did not appreciate Fiona’s wish to have a say in the fate of the mages. Of course, Hawke had to invite the Grand Enchanter to the negotiations now. Negotiations that were on very uneven footing. In the inn, they had shared a table. Now Alexius stood at the top of the stairs, looking down on them in more than one way.

He pretended to be willing to talk. He even admitted that there was something he wanted in exchange for the mages. When Felix tried to dissuade him of whatever it was he was involved in, Alexius got angry. He called Meliana a mistake, that her mark belonged to her betters. Who those betters were, was unclear. Meliana had never heard of an Elder One before.

And she would never understand if nobody even tried to explain. She was ready to grab Alexius by his shirt and shake him. Any information on the anchor was welcome. Dorian appeared from nowhere. Alexius did not even notice. He ranted on about the Elder One and how he would restore the Tevinter Empire to its old glory.

Meliana shuddered when he declared that the Elder One would create a world in which people bowed to mages once more. It was not a pretty picture. People should not bow before power. The Elder One would make a horrible god. Something to be avoided if it could actually happen. Even Fiona spoke up to protest.

Felix appealed to his father once more. Hawke saw the guards in the room silently topple. The gambit had worked. Not a moment too soon. Alexius finally disclosed what the elder One wanted in exchange: her life. Meliana could feel Valoraas tense behind her.

“I am going to die!” Felix declared. “You need to accept that.”

It was obvious that Alexius was very far from that. Allying himself with a mage that wanted to rule the world just to save his son. It was not that Meliana didn’t understand the urge. But some decisions were not yours to make. She closed her eyes briefly, thinking back to a long gone day on a battle field. Everything could have ended there. But it had not because Arishok had made a different decision. But it had been his decision.

She watched pain play across Alexius fate. He was not ready to accept this truth. She got ready for a fight. It would be easier with his guards down, but there would be a fight. She glanced at Valoraas. He nodded.

Instead of fighting, Alexius pulled out an amulet. “You are a mistake,” he hissed. The pendant began to glow green. “You should never have existed!”

Dorian acted immediately. He probably knew what Alexius was doing. He butted the end of his staff against the pendant. Alexius fell backwards. The world opened a green hole beside her. Meliana felt the pull of it. Then everything turned blindingly green, fading out until it was almost black.

She fell to her hands and knees. Water splashed up into her face. When she got up, she saw only Dorian beside her and two guards rushing at them. Her body vibrated, the mark in her left hand hummed. The walls were covered with outcrops of red lyrium. They killed the guards. They looked around and at each other.

“Where are we?” Meliana wanted to know. “What happened?”

“Let me think,” Dorian said looking around. “It is probably not what Alexius intended. The Rift must have moved us, not only to another place, but also time.” His face lit up. “It is not only where we are, but also when!”

Meliana did not see anything to be happy about in this realisation. She had a very clear idea of when she wanted to be. Well, disregarding that, the present would do. She sighed. Time magic was tempting. But it offered no solution. If she had beaten Meredith’s henchmen, Arishok would have left for Par Vollen still. There was no solution to reality.

She had missed Dorian’s explanations. “We undo this and go back.” It just had to be possible.

Dorian agreed. He suggested they find Alexius, hoping he was in the castle at this time. With his amulet, they would have the best shot at going back into their own time.

“There were others in the hall. Could they have been drawn through the rift?” It worried her. It was a thrilling thought. She might not be alone here. Maybe, just maybe Valoraas was here, too. Or Varric. Depending on when they were, it would be the only familiar faces.

“I doubt it was large enough to bring the whole room through,” Dorian shattered her hopes. “Alexius wouldn’t risk catching himself or Felix in it.”

“What was Alexius trying to do?”

“I believe his original plan was to remove you from time completely,” Dorian explained. “If that happened, you would never have been at the Temple of Sacred ashes or mangled his Elder Ones plan.

It was not a happy thought. Her existence had not always been the most happy one, but Meliana was very attached to it. So she would get it back.

Dorian promised to protect her. It was cute though she understood his motif. It was his former mentor who had done this. Dorian felt responsible.

Meliana nodded at him. She could not help him any other way but to accept. “Let’s go. I think we are somewhere in the dungeons under the castle. If Alexius is around, he will probably be in the upper wings, the royal chambers.”

They made their was through the flooded basement. Water was seeping through the walls. Not all passages were cleared. It was like walking through a red-lit labyrinth. They found a man imprisoned in one of the cells. He was not reacting to them. He kept singing his hymn. It was dispiriting to watch.

They found Fiona not far away. He body was part of a lump of red lyrium, or the other way around. Though she was delirious, she told them what time it was. They had jumped a whole year into the future. And in that one year, Thedas had gone down the drain fast.

Nothing could stop Meliana now. She had to find her friends. Dorian didn’t object. Even if it might not be helpful at all. In this twisted reality, Meliana did not want to be alone. Her mark tugged at her from her hand, humming with the red glow around them. She could not shake it.

They found Varric first. He did not believe his eyes. “Where were you? How did you survive?”

“We didn’t escape,” Dorian explained. “Alexius sent us into the future.”

“Everything that happens to you is weird,” Varric said looking at Hawke.

“You should not have run into me in Kirkwall. It started a chain reaction.” Meliana got serious. “What happened to you Varric? You don’t look so good.” It was an understatement. He was positively glowing in a sickly red. It was not all coming from the red lyrium growing out of the wall behind him.

“Bite your tongue. I look damn good for a dead man.” His smirk as back.

“You no more dead than we are," Dorian objected.

“The not dying version of this red lyrium stuff?” Varric shook his head. “Way worse. Just saying.”

He did not go into detail on why that was so. Instead he changed the subject. Meliana smiled. She would get to the bottom of this. Before they went back in time.

Dorian explained how they planned to get back, but Varric had bad news. A murdered empress, the Elder One running amok with an army of demons. The future did not look good. But Varric was ready to go and change it. The looks he sent Meliana were determined; not optimistic, certainly not happy.

“There is no space for two of me in the past, is there?” He asked as they walked.

Meliana didn’t know. “I’d give it a try. I like you.”

“I get the feeling that time will not be too happy about it,” the dwarf insisted.

“Time can go fuck itself,” Meliana replied. “It got fucked over by Alexius already, so it’s not a stretch.”

They shared a soft chuckle. The water splashed under their feet. Meliana wondered how they did not drown when water was dripping almost everywhere from the ceiling. She kept a close watch on Varric. He seemed to be alright physically. But they had both seen Bartrand and Meredith. She worried about his mental health. He was a master at keeping up appearances.

“I’ll let you know when I go on a mad killing spree,” Varric said. He had caught her watching him. “And I promise it will be the other side that will have to worry.”

“Point taken.” Meliana forced herself to look around. He was her friend. And she had failed him once more. She had to do better. She really, really had to get her act together. Before she could make up her mind as to how, they found Valoraas. He was hidden away in the farthest corner of the dungeons.

He looked worse than Varric. It did not surprise her. Arishok never had been comfortable around magic. And now this. She didn’t know what they had done to him. Red lyrium engulfed him. It shone from his eyes. In enveloped him in a murky aura.

“Arishok,” Meliana whispered. Her fingers curled around the iron bars.

His gaze wandered to her slowly. It took some time to take her in. “Is that how you still see me?”

“Names are different for humans,” she replied softly. “They are not what we do. They are referencing the crucial bit that is you, that is makes you you by stringing your memories together into one solid thread.”

“You are making many words,” Valoraas sighed.

“My point is that you are still you.” Meliana said. “I apologise for calling you Arishok.” She suppressed the need to reach out to him. “Valoraas.”

“Where have you been?”

“Alexius sent us into the future,” Dorian chimed in. “We will find him and undo this.”

Valoraas looked at Meliana.

“It is our best shot,” she whispered. “I don’t think we can undo this now.”

Valoraas nodded. “I will help you.”

“Thank you.” She stepped aside to let him out of the cell.

They walked in silence. Meliana chose stairs that went up. Varric was sure that Alexius was still in the castle. Even if he was not the biggest problem Thedas had now. He was the solution. They came upon horribly mangled templars, figures from nightmares with red lyrium growing out of their bodies. They killed them all. It seemed more merciful.

The air got lighter. Not fresher which was strange. The castle looked a little less derelict as they got higher. Sometimes they could hear voices from behind closed doors. It did not need consensus. They killed everybody. Except for the torturer who was working on a very aged version of Leliana. As soon as he was distracted, she wrapped her legs around his neck and snapped it.

Meliana let her down quickly. The spymaster looked horrible. But she was determined as ever. Colder and harder than Meliana had ever seen her. She found an unspoken understanding with Valoraas immediately. It was worrying.

Leliana had no patience for Dorian. As usual he tried to ease his stress by talking. Leliana cut him down each time. This was real to her. Dorian might see it as a game, a quest to fulfil. But they had lived in this horror for a year. It was real to them. The pain, the torture, the doubt, it was theirs.

Finally they reached the courtyard that led to the throne room and royal wing. Meliana stopped short. She bit her lip. The sky was green. The Breach was everywhere. Or was it the fade? Her hand puckered.

“How-”

“The Elder One,” Leliana said.

“Magic is everywhere now,” Valoraas added. “Magic and red lyrium.”

“A Qunari was a welcome test object,” Leliana said. “They had a lot of humans elves even dwarves.”

There was nothing Meliana could say. They fought their way through the green-lit outside and the royal quarters. It was exhausting. She worried about the fight against Alexius. A Tevinter Magister with this amount of magic at his disposal was a formidable foe.

“I did a crap job of protecting you.” Meliana told Valoraas. They watched as Varric and Leliana figured out the non-magic parts of Alexius lock. Dorian was giving magical support. “This is wrong.”

“It is,” he replied. “It is my job to protect you.”

Meliana wanted to lean against him. The red crackled around his body. She reconsidered. “No, I swore. A long time ago I swore to protect you, especially from magic. And look at us now.

“You were not here.”

“Exactly!” She sighed. “I wish I could have done you justice. I wish I had been there.”

“You would be dead now,” Valoraas said. “The Elder One wants you dead. Alexius caters to his every whim.”

“And he has an army of demons.” Meliana shuddered. “I am sorry.”

“So am I.”

The door swung open. They entered warily but Alexius was on his own. A figure that had once probably been human crouched close to him. There were no guards. No templars, no horrible abominations forged from red lyrium. He was a beat man. It was almost sad to see.

Alexius had lost all will to live. He just waited for the end to come. An end where the Elder One would come for all of them.

Leliana realised first who the figure was. She grabbed it and put a knife to its neck. Alexius reacted immediately, begging for his son’s life. There was no recognition in the young man’s eyes, not a scrap of sentience. There are worse things than death, he had once said. Meliana could only agree. This wasn’t life. She did not look away when Leliana slit his throat.

That put some fight into the Magister. But he was outnumbered. He called on Rifts and demons to help him. His guards were already dead by their hands. It was a nasty fight. But they won it well enough. Dorian took the amulet. It was the one Alexius had used. What was more, Dorian recognised it from his time working with the Magister.

“Give me an hour to work out the spell he used,” Dorian said. “And I should be able to re-open the Rift.”

“That’s impossible,” Leliana countered. “You must go now! The Elder One is coming.”

The ground took the hint and shook under their feet. Meliana wondered if there was a way to bar the double doors effectively. She looked at her friends. But they just looked at each other, agreeing.

“We will hold them off,” Varric said. “Buy you time to escape.”

“You will not let this happen,” Valoraas decided.

“You have as much time as I have arrows,” Leliana added.

Meliana didn’t want to let them go. They would die. Varric had said they were already dead. She still wanted to save them. They were her friends!

Valoraas turned around to look her in the eye. “You cannot save all of them.”

“I would always save you!” Meliana protested. She did not care that she sounded desperate. She was.

Valoraas nodded. “You are the one mage I trust; what a mage should be.”

Then they were gone and the noise of fighting reached her. She tore her eyes from the doors. Dorian was casting a spell, his hands shaking with haste. Meliana didn’t dare distract him. So her gaze wandered back to where Leliana was releasing a barrage of arrows at the approaching enemy. The doors were thrown open.

Varric’s limp body was cast towards them in a careless threat. Meliana flinched. She did not believe Valoraas was still alive. He was just too heavy to fling about, even for an ogre. It was not a reassuring thought.. somewhere close by lay the corpse of her-

Dorian pulled at her arm. The Rift was opening. A last glance over her shoulder showed the enemy had indeed brought an ogre. Leliana was running out of arrows. The ogre was pushing grey remains into the ground. No fur collar. No imposing pauldrons. No vitaar and just a flimsy set of armour.

Meliana bit her lip. “I will protect you, she whispered.” Dorian pulled at her again.. her feet followed reluctantly. Her eyes did not want to leave the trampled remains. “I promise.”

The world went gloop again. Dark green engulfed them spit them out. Meliana had to steady herself on Dorian’s arm when they stepped out of the Rift. Time was relentless. Dorian had hit the exact same moment they had vanished. There was no time to cope. All eyes were on them.

Alexius retreated. He did no know how to react. His plan had failed. Dorian followed him, leaving Meliana on uncertain feet.

“You’ll have to do better than that,” Dorian declared.

To her surprise, Alexius did not fight back. He just gave up, folded up on his knees and surrendered. “You won,” he admitted. “There is no point extending this charade.”

Felix knelt by his father, trying to comfort him. Meliana could not watch. She had seen what Alexius had done trying to save his son. Trying to save him and losing him still. Hawke had him taken away. One day she would think what to do with him. Not now. Her eyes searched for Varric and Valoraas.

Both were watching her, questions written over their faces. Meliana ventured a little smile. Her knees felt weak. There was red burning inside her eyes, casting a corrupt aura around everything. Her hand remembered viscerally, throbbing in withdrawal. Later. Time to go home. Grab the mages and go home. Meliana wanted to sleep.

Of course it was not to happen. Just when things started to go well again, the King and Queen of Ferelden marched into the castle’s throne room. They kicked up a fuss. The abuse of hospitality in Redcliffe was not to be overlooked. Meliana felt more tired than ever. The floor looked nice and soft. A cobblestone pillow. She didn’t need more.

Fiona stumbled through the conversation. King Alistair simply exiled the mages from Ferelden. All of them. Blanket verdict. Meliana was too tired to be angry. It was good. She might have throttled him. Hundreds of people cast out. “Just come with me,” she sighed. “The Inquisition came here for you after all.”

“And what would the terms be?” Fiona wanted to know.

No terms, Meliana wanted to say. No conditions. Just let me sleep. She did not have to answer immediately. Dorian was talking. He always talked when he was tense. Meliana looked to Valoraas. His mouth was set in a hard line. He knew her. If only she could smile. He knew what was coming. Poor Valoraas. But she would protect him. One way or another.

“We would be honoured to have you as our allies,” she said into a lull around her. The disapproval collapsed over her. She sighed. How late was it? How long until she could sleep? Or at least pretend o to shut out the world. “Let’s go. We’ll meet you in Haven.”

When she walked past the King and Queen Hawke looked up briefly. “Just give them time enough to pack and move.” Or else. She did not say that. She really wanted to. Or else. Or else I will be back. She probably would be back anyway. Every other trip went to the Hinterlands.

Meliana did not look back as she left Redcliffe Castle. It would be a long journey home.


	8. 8

Meliana made it out of the castle holding up. She managed the arrangements with the mages. She held up as they left Redcliffe village. They mounted their horses. It was only late afternoon. She held up as they rode away, the long journey to Haven ahead. She did not speak. When they stopped for the night, she laid down on her bedroll. Meliana turned the back to the camp and opted out of the world.

Some time later Varric came over. “Food?” He put a hand on her shoulder.

Meliana shook her head. She did not want anything. But nothing was hard to hold on to. She could hear the others talk in low voices. Sleep was eluding her. Even Dorian slowed down and stopped talking. The noises of night settled over their camp. Still sleep was not coming to her. She wanted to get up and pace. She did not want to wake Valoraas. If he was not on guard anyway. She did not want to worry him.

But he knew her. If he worried, he worried already. Meliana pressed her lids together. She would not hope. Staring at the back of her lids, she concentrated on resting. Even if she could not sleep, rest was important. Slowing down her stalling mind. Pulling calm to her. But even the sounds of the sleepers carried undertones of red.

Consequently, She was not rested at all the next day. Riding was tedious business. Leliana was adamant to get her version of the events. She had to settle for the details about the red future. Meliana felt not ready to talk. “You stood your ground,” she finally said, hoping to avoid deeper questioning. “You were inspirational. And then you were dead.”

“I am alive now,” Leliana wanted to soothe her.

“But you died then.” It was difficult to put into words. “You all did. And I-” _I was not there to prevent it_. Meliana could not say it. She was there now. This was her second chance. She would surely not squander it. There was a world depending on her. On her own, she could not do much. She needed help. So she would get it. She would lead that bloody Inquisition and make sure that none of her friends died because she did not pull her weight.

Meliana was quiet on their way back. There wasn’t much to say. Varric had asked about the incidents in the future. She had shaken her head. She had bit her lip. “Later,” she had said. The word tasted of blood. He did not ask again. Dorian told everybody everything whether they wanted or not. Talking eased his stress. It only worked for him.

The evening before they went into frozen territory they camped early. It was meant to give a reprieve of the cold. It was short. It did not work for Meliana. She sat before the fire curled up and stared into the flames. The red was full of burning memories. They were not of fire. They were worse.

Varric sat down next to her. His presence was another ember. It glowed warm and benign. There was no red threatening in it.

“Come on.” He nudged her gently. “It’s obviously not getting any better by not talking about it.”

Meliana didn’t look at him. She sighed. He was right. She bit her lip. “A whole year. Suffering abuse and torture and red lyrium,” she suddenly burst out. “You know how he was about magic, Varric. You should have _seen_ him. The stuff was growing inside him, glowing inside him, infected, dying of it. And what does he do? Tell me that I wouldn’t have let it happen. That he trust me.”

She took a sharp breath, clutching at her ankles. “And then he goes off. The last thing he does, buying me time with his life!” The words broke up between her teeth.

“Oh Birdie.” Varric patted her shoulder.

“Why does it hurt?” Meliana cried with her face pressed against her knees.

“There, there.” Varric put his arm around her, holding her close. “There, there.”

 

* * *

 

Crying had not helped. Meliana was relieved when they finally reached Haven. There would be a lot of work. The village had to prepare for taking in hundreds of people. It would be a logistic miracle to make that happen. Everybody had to be kept safe. She would work closely with Valoraas on that.

Work would not help in the long run either. But it would keep her occupied. She could focus on something she could change. And not thinking about Valoraas on a personal level was a very good idea. Why did he have to do that? Well, he hadn’t in the end. But he would have.

Unsurprisingly, everybody disapproved in varying degrees to bring the mages in as equal partners. They would have to get over it. Change was always difficult and often it also hurt. Preparations to tackle the Breach began. But there was still the matter of the dark future ahead. It was uncertain if closing he hole in the sky would be enough to stop the Elder One.

It was something that needed consideration even if Meliana did no want to talk about it. She called all advisors together and her companions from the trip. Solas attended as well. He was the specialist on the Fade. Maybe he could make sense of some of the things they had seen.

“I don’t want to talk about it, but you need to know,” she began. “You’re all here because I don’t want to repeat myself. It was,” she hesitated, “unpleasant.”

“That is quite an understatement if you heard what stories Dorian tells,” Varric said.

“Perhaps. Alexius sent us into the future. It was only one year, but everything was different. The Breach was everywhere, as if the world was already half in the Fade itself. Magic was sloshing around. I could feel it in the mark and the buzzing of my bones. It did not impact my magical abilities any, though.”

“That is fascinating,” Solas said. “I would like to speak to you about it in detail as soon as you feel you can.”

Meliana nodded. “I will let you know. That part was only weird and frightening. Demons were everywhere. The whole castle was overgrown with red lyrium. It seems Alexius was growing it from people.”

After the gasps had quieted down, she continued. “The Templars were corrupted. I don’t know if they joined of their own free will or were forced. The results were horrible. Half human, half monster, protrusions of red lyrium sprouting from their bodies. We have to prevent that.”

“I will increase my efforts to reach out to them,” Josephine assured. “If they can be talked with, we will.”

“Good.” Meliana nodded. “Empress Celene of Orlais had been assassinated. An army of demons had overrun the south, headed by the Elder One. Both should be looked into.”

“I will send word to my agents,” Leliana said. “If there is suspicious activity including demons somewhere, they will find it.”

“It should not be difficult to contact the Imperial Court after closing the breach. Empress Celene will be happy to get those news.” Josephine looked thoughtful. “She is still at war with her cousin Gaspard de Chalons.”

“It would be easy to use him to remove the Empress,” Valoraas said.

“If the Elder One does not wish to leave a trail, yes,” Leliana agreed.

“He did not strike me as the subtle type,” Varric added.

“Look into all possibilities,” Hawke ordered. “I want the intrigues in Orlais as sorted as possible before we go there. Vivienne, if there is anything you can add to help, please do.”

“Of course, my dear,” Vivienne replied. “The Grand Game should never be underestimated. It takes great skill and subtlety.”

Hawke could see nothing going wrong between Leliana and Vivienne on the task then. Skill and subtlety abounded between the two of them. “Right. I’ll try to get some rest. As soon as enough mages have arrived, we’ll close that bother in the sky.”

“The Iron Bull and his Chargers have arrived,” Valoraas spoke up. “We need to talk about them.”

“Sure.” Meliana looked around. The assembled looked back, nodded and began to leave. “You have spoken to him already?”

“Indeed.” Valoraas waited until they were alone. “He is dangerous to have around. Unlike me, he is still a part of the Qunari. His loyalty is strong and unbroken.”

“Noted. Would you-” She broke off and looked up at his frown.

“Would I what?”

“Return. I mean. Given the chance to go back to the Qunari, being Arishok again and all.” Meliana bit her lip. “Would you?”

“I do not know.” Valoraas sounded thoughtful.

“Fair enough.” She sighed. “I’ll talk to him. See how strong his loyalty really is. And have him watched.”

“Do you plan to win him over?” Valoraas asked.

“I don’t know. As long as his goals and ours align, I don’t see any need to. But you are right about being careful. The demands of the Qun can change,” Meliana mused. “We’ll just have keep our watch up. And let me know if you don’t want him accompanying me as my bodyguard. I trust you.”

“That is good to know.” He nodded and turned to leave. When he reached the door, he turned and looked back. “Dorian has told me what has happened in the future. You are upset. I understand.”

“He was a man you will never have to be,” Meliana replied. “Dorian doesn’t know you. He doesn’t know me. And he doesn’t understand-” she broke off. “I doesn’t matter. What matters is who we are now. What we do now and that the future we create is better than this present.”

Valoraas nodded and left.

Meliana looked around the empty room. The markers on the maps, the mortar between the stones, the light reflected on the iron fittings. She had gotten herself into this all on her own. She would make do with that. And once that Breach was gone, perhaps some more effort could be made to find the vanished Wardens.

 

* * *

 

It did not take long until the first mages arrived. They were assigned quarters. Some looked less than happy. But they were allies. So they would be treated like allies and like every other ally, they would have to pull their weight. Maybe it was difficult to grasp after living in a Circle Tower your whole life where everything was just available without second thought.

Soon they were ready to approach the Breach. Solas spent a lot of time talking to her and discussing possible scenarios. Some of them included the end of the world, but those did not really worry Meliana. There was nothing she could do about the end of the world. A flood of demons rushing towards Haven or Thedas in general, that was more worrisome. As was a group of brain-washed mages doing so.

But those were worst case scenarios. Mostly they excepted some demons to spill and that was why they had most of the forces along. Valoraas did not show how uncomfortable he was. Varric made up for it by constant muttering. It made Meliana feel safe. A foolish notion but she appreciated it.

The Temple had not changed much. The bodies were not burning any longer. Instead the red lyrium looked as if it had caught fire. The air smelled of heat and metal. Mists rose from the ground. And the mark on Meliana’s hand reacted to the Breach. It flickered bright and irregular. She did not even have to use it for it to be clearly visible through her glove. Meliana caught Valoraas stare at it. She did not blame him.

Everybody took up position. Even though she knew that she was surrounded by powerful mages and capable warriors, Meliana felt small before the Breach. The green flowed over her, making the mark pucker and writhe. It felt as if it was its own entity, bound to her against its will. For a feeble second, Meliana hoped that closing the breach would remove the mark as well.

Getting close enough to the Breach was difficult. The magic was repelling her, as if it knew of her plans and pushed against them. Hawke heard Solas give the mages last minute instructions. Even further back, Valoraas would be doing the same. His face, swathed in red, appeared shortly before her. She batted the image away with determination. It would not happen.

Then the power of the mages reached her, the glaring white erasing all other colour. Meliana raised her hand towards the breach. It’s glow was invisible to her, only felt in the powers searing though it. The Breach reacted violently. Is split open, pouring white magic over Meliana. She drowned in it, channelling the magic at her disposal towards its centre. Tension built up.

The Breach tore at her. Meliana took an unintended step towards it before she could resist its pull. She reached out for the magic focussed on her, drawing on it even as I spilt into her. The two forces collided in a blinding explosion.

Meliana blinked at the sky. It was shrouded my mist and smoke. But there was no green sheen to it any longer. She got to her knees carefully and looked around. Everybody seemed alright. Mages and warriors scrambled back to their feet. The shock wave had hit the whole Temple. The sound of stone crumbling and falling was receding.

Cassandra was already up again, approaching her. “You did it!” She helped Hawke up.

First cheers went up as the confusion abated. Getting back to the entrance of the Temple was more painful than the whole fight with the Breach. Her shoulders were slapped continuously. Everybody was exhilarated. They needed to share their relief. Hawke let them. Her shoulder would have time to recover.

Valoraas was sending the troops back in neat groups already. The mages were following suit in a more rag-tag fashion. Meliana looked at her hand. It felt, quiet. When she peeled her glove off, the mark was still there, though. She searched for Solas but couldn’t find him. But maybe now with the driving force behind the mark gone, they could make some progress in removing it.

Instead she found Varric. He smiled at her and she fell into step beside him.

“Nice job, Birdie. I wonder how long the rest of Thedas will wait until demanding your help now.”

“Forever?” Meliana suggested. “After all my help does come with free mages in tow.”

“People are always very willing to pay a price they think they can get around.” Varric shrugged.

Meliana had to agree. And she could not be everywhere. And the last time she had tried something like that, the city in question had ended up a pile of burning rubble. Not by any fault of hers or mages, but who would care to see that?

Haven was already preparing a party when she arrived. Busy people rushed every which way, their faces radiating relief and joy. It was contagious. The debriefing with the advisors was short. Everybody was excited, apart from Valoraas. He would just have to live through the victory celebrations.

Meliana watched as the people danced in the light snowfall. They were already telling stories rife to turn the event into legends. Cassandra confirmed that suspicion.

“Word of your heroism has spread,” the warrior said.

Hawke deflected that by pointing out that she had not done this alone. It would be good to remind people of their own agency. A hero was no solution. Before they could really start to argue the point, the alarms went off. Cassandra and Hawke looked at each other before sprinting off to the gates.

It would have been nice to just finish the victory celebration before things went to hell again. The civilians scattered as they rushed past, half of them turning into soldiers and mages again. Valoraas was at the gate, organising those of the forces already at hand.

At massive army was marching at Haven. Most of it was still behind the last mountain ridge, giving them a little time to prepare for battle at least. The army was not marching under any banner, though. It was very worrisome. The first scouts had arrived at the gates already. Meliana wondered how well those gates would hold up. And how many of Haven’s citizens actually lived outside of them right now.

Light flashed behind the thick wood. Then a voice pleaded. “I can’t come in unless you open!”

For a moment, she hesitated. But there was something familiar about that voice. Shaking herself, Meliana commanded the gate opened. A young man was on the other side, a soldier’s corpse falling before him as he approached. Meliana knew Valoraas stood behind her, his axe at the ready. She smiled.

“I am Cole,” the young man said. “I cam to warn you. To help. People are coming to hurt you. You probably already know.”

They did know, but there was no use throwing away a chance to learn more. “What is this?” Hawke wanted to know. “What’s going on?”

“The Templars come to kill you,” Cole replied. “They went to the Elder One. You know him? He knows you. You took his mages. He is very angry that you took his mages.”

Hawke looked in the direction Cole pointed. She took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment. It did not look good. She knew both figures appearing on the crest of the mountain. “I should have had him killed while I could,” she murmured. “And I thought I did.”

“Hawke?” Valoraas demanded her attention.

“Give ma a plan, anything!” She replied. Confessions would have to wait until this battle was over. And if they lost against Corypheus – it had to be impossible. She had beaten him before. “Is that the Elder One?” She asked on the direction of Cole.

The young man nodded.

“We must control the battle to withstand such a force,” Valoraas spoke up. “Haven is no fortress. We must hit their main force before it reaches us.” He pointed at the trebuchets.

“Got it.” Meliana replied.

“We will hold the village,” Valoraas looked down at her. “Make sure we do not protect the civilians in vain.”

“I will.” She smiled despite everything. “I will see you in the Chantry when this is all over.”

She did not look back to see how they fortified the village. Varric followed her as did Cassandra and Solas. They were but a small force, but an unstoppable one. They had cleared out the vanguard attacking the first trebuchet in to time.

Then they went to check on the second catapult. As it turned out, its crew had been overrun already. It took a while to get it functional while fighting off Templars. Not normal templars, but the red, corrupted kind Meliana had seen in the dark future of Alexius. In the end they triggered an avalanche that buried a large portion of the forces and made the way to Haven impassable for the rest. Not bad for a village with wooden walls.

The elation didn’t last long. Out of the roiling snow a shape rose, spitting fire at the catapult. It exploded in splinters and flame. A dragon roared through the debris, heading for Haven. Meliana shot a glance at Varric.

“I said nothing,” the dwarf said. “And it’s not a prediction if there’s years in between, right? And I am still here.”

“As yet.” Meliana grinned. “Back to the gates!”

The dragon had clearly been faster than them. The houses and palisades were on fire. The defenders were retreating already, some taking time to help citizens retrieve their belongings or at least as much of them as they could carry.

Unthinking Meliana joined the helping hands. They broke open the door of the Harrit’s house, helped fight of Templars and their abominations that attacked civilians, carried injured from their burning houses. On a whim Meliana detoured to her own place, taking the one thing of importance with her. Varric tutted as he helped her strap the bulky metal pieces to her back. But he did not stop her. He understood.

It took them a while to reach the Chantry. Chancellor Roderick was ushering everybody in. He looked drawn. Cole was helping him stay upright. “He’s going to die,” the young man declared as he let the other man lean on him. “He tried to stop a Templar. The blade went deep.”

Looking at the Chancellor, Hawke did not doubt it. If they did not come up with a plan soon, he would not be the only one dying.

Valoraas came up to her. “Our position is bad. The dragon stole back the time you have earned us.”

“I’ve seen an Archdemon,” Cole interrupted. “I was in the Fade but it looked like that.”

“The dragon has carved a path for the army. Haven’s defences are not up for this,” Valoraas continued, ignoring Cole.

“The Elder One doesn’t care about the village,” Cole went on unperturbed. He only wants the Herald.”

“Great,” Hawke muttered, “a powerful demon darkpawn out for revenge,. I was so certain we had killed him.”

“Were you now?” Valoraas’ eyes bored into hers. It was clear that this warranted a very long conversation. Provided they survived this.

“Don’t blame Hawke,” Varric came to her side. “I was there and as sure he was dead as she was.”

“There are no tactics to make this survivable,” Valoraas finally said. “The only thing we can do is raise the price they have to pay. We can turn the remaining trebuchet and cause one last avalanche.”

Meliana didn’t flinch. She did not want to die. But if she had to die, this was acceptable. She was sorry for the villagers. None of them had signed up for this. But the choice right now was to die quick or to die slow. She nodded at Valoraas.

“Chancellor Roderick can help,” Cole spoke up once more. “He wants to say this before he dies.”

Hawke turned to the badly wounded man. He was not quick to speak. Pain took its toll on him. It seemed to take forever until she understood his words. There was a way out. A secret passage through which they could flee. Of course that would not help them much if they could not seal the passage behind them. That and make their enemy believe they were dead.

“Will it work?” She looked to Valoraas.

“Possibly,” he agreed. “If he shows us the path.”

Meliana nodded. So this was it. She would bury Haven and Corypheus, the Elder One, with her. There would be no future drowned in red lyrium. She began to smile. Everybody would be safe.

“What about your escape?”” Valoraas added. He had read her expression. The plan they had just hatched suddenly didn’t sit well with him any longer. It was on thing to perish with all of Haven. To have only her perish, was something else entirely.

Again, she only smiled at him. “I made a promise once. And these people need you more than me. If I can take out Corypheus now, I will. It is the most important thing.”

Valoraas chose a few men to load the trebuchet. “I have learnt better than to argue with you when you are like this.” He might have been smiling, too.

Meliana wanted to kiss him. He knew her and he had admitted it. The look on his face would haunt her to the grave. But that wasn’t such a long path, so she was okay with that. You could not lose what you had not claimed back. “If there is a way-”

“I know you will find it.” To her surprise Valoraas took her hand, her marked hand, into his. “Panahedan, Hawke. I do not hope you die.”

Meliana pressed her lips together. Fortunately, Valoraas turned around abruptly, shattering any chance to smother him with a hug or kiss. So she turned as well, steeling herself for the task ahead. It was not much. She just had to get to that trebuchet, keep Corypheus occupied long enough for everybody to escape and die. She could do that.

“No!” She almost shouted at them.

“You cannot make me stay behind,” Varric said. “It is my responsibility as much as yours; the red lyrium and Corypheus. It is my decision to make.”

Meliana hung her head.

“I was not aware you intended to go alone,” Solas said. “You will need help.”

“We stand with you,” Cassandra confirmed. “We owe this to the people of Haven.”

“Alright.” Meliana sighed. But she could not save them all. And she could make their decisions for them much less. They set off, fighting their way through more troops. The enemy had begun to arrive in earnest in Haven. Meliana was glad that there were no civilians left about. They would not have fared well.

When they reached the trebuchet, the first thing Hawke did was order the soldiers to retreat. She defended and aimed the trebuchet with only the help of her friends. But when they settled to wait for Valoraas’ sign, the dragon returned.

“Move!” She shouted over the leathery noise of wings. “Save yourselves.”

The dragon fire descending on them separated Hawke from Varric and Cassandra. She could only hope they had heard. She could only pray they listened. Varric was as stubborn as any proverbial dwarf and Cassandra did not strike Hawke as the compliant type either.

Corypheus walked through the flames as if they were mere imagination. He had not changed much. There was a fire in his eyes of deeper red and lyrium burnt him. But his limbs remained spindly. He looked starved. His dragon appeared behind her, cutting off any escape. It looked as ill-constructed as its master.

“Hawke,” Corypheus growled, recognising her as well. “You toy with forces beyond your ken. No more. Exalt the will that is Corypheus. You will kneel.”

His voice had grown more powerful. Meliana could feel the tug at her knees, the desire to simply yield and obey. She rallied. “Why are you here? What do you want?”

“I ask for nothing because it is not in your power to give. But that will not stop me. I am here for the anchor. The process of removing it begins now.” He held up a black sphere that began to glow in dreaded red. Then he reached out. Her marked hand reacted and Meliana was drawn towards him.

“What marks you as touched, I have crafted to assault the very heaven. And you used it to undo my work. The gall.”

“Take it,” Meliana shouted over the pain. “I didn’t ask for this.”

It was the single most selfish thing she could think of. But free of the mark her life would return to normal. She could return to being normal. Even if it was only the normal of a mage. Valoraas would have no reason to hesitate before touching her hand. Maybe he thought she hadn’t noticed. She wished she hadn’t. But he had and she had as well.

If Corypheus could end this, she was willing to pay the price. Even if it was all of Thedas. Just this once Meliana wanted to put herself first. The world burnt anyway. You were always busy stomping out the fires. So this she would claim for herself. The freedom from the mark, no matter the consequences.

“Thus mortals have always cried,” Corypheus replied. But he did take her offer. With long strides he approached her and easily picked her up. Meliana dangled in the air, half dreading a sudden end, half hoping that he would indeed remove the mark.

Her hand hurt, the green magic flickering through it like needles. It was difficult to concentrate on Corypheus speeches. Why did it matter who ruled in the Golden City or not? It was all fairy tales. There was no Maker and that he couldn’t find one did not surprise Hawke the least.

With a sudden, he flung her away. Meliana gasped in pain as her back connected with the wooden structure of the trebuchet. For a moment, the pain in her hand was overwritten.

“The anchor is permanent,” Corypheus declared. It was like a death sentence. “You have spoiled it with your stumbling.”

Meliana dragged herself to her knees. Her hand was ruined forever. Her life bound to the mark of magic she could not get rid off. And the source of it all stood before her bragging. She grabbed the closest weapon, rage rising in her throat.

As Corypheus launched another speech, she looked around. Snow kept falling lightly, unaware of the gravity of the situation. She envied it. Then a flare caught her eyes. It sprung up high in the mountains. The signal she had been waiting for. Meliana smiled.

She did not want to die. It was not an active thing. But the thought that everything would be over soon was comforting. She had done all she could. Her death would save many. She had not lived in vain. Valoraas was safe. Varric was safe. He would look out for Carver. The world would move on. It might remember her. It would not matter. She would have peace.

“Enjoy your victory.” Meliana smiled. “Here’s your prize!”

Everything had a price. She lashed out, setting off the trebuchet. Its aim was true. A wall of white dislodged and thundered towards them. Meliana made a dash as if to escape. There was no escape. But if Corypheus decided to follow her, he was dead. The avalanche would get him. She wanted him dead. More than she wanted to die herself. It was probably worth something.

The shock wave spearheading the avalanche threw her off her feet. From the corner of her eyes Meliana saw the dragon pull Corypheus from danger. She cursed until the snow hit and punched the breath from her lungs. The boards under her feet gave way. She plunged into a white emptiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know if you want some meta or anything (soundtrack, etc).  
> You can stay anon if you ask on my tumblr (iamsonothere), there anon-asks are open.


	9. 9

It was cold. Everything was cold. Meliana blinked. Her back hurt. The pieces of the sword strapped to it were still carefully sheathed. Yet it felt as if they had cut her back to ribbons. She sat up. Somehow the avalanche had not killed her. Packed snow stood around her. A low vaulted ceiling pressed against the ruins of a building.

So she was still alive. Buried somewhere in the ruins of Haven. Some of the walls must have withstood the onslaught of snow. There was a faint breeze on her face. A way out. Somewhere. She looked at her hands. Freezing to death wasn’t a bad death from what she heard.

The iron struts of the broken sword pressed against her. Meliana smiled. There was that. Fade and flood, there was always that. And damn the world. Damn Thedas, damn Corypheus and the whole bloody civil war. She stood up. There was this and this was it.

She _wanted_ to see him again.

It was that easy. It was easier than putting one foot in front of the other. The cold seeped into her. It crawled up from the ground. Is latched onto the molten sludge on her back. She inhaled it with each breath. But there was a path. Meliana followed.

It did not take long to find the exit. It led into the woods somewhere. She did not recognise the area. Snow had buried every landmark. She turned to walk up the mountainside. The wind blew into her face. Snowflakes danced on it. They clung to her skin, slowly flowing down her face. Her collar was damp.

There was no turning back. Haven was gone. Another place she had called home lost. Blight, fire, snow. She better avoid water for the next place to live. It was the only element missing in the collection. She wondered how many had died. She wondered how many she saved. She wondered how many more she could have saved if- There was always an if.

Meliana protected her face badly with her arm. There was nothing to be seen ahead. The landscape was white. But she had found proof that the others had passed. A cast away shoe. A broken shield left behind. She had to believe it was the right way. Her legs were heavy and cold.

She could not sit down. Meliana dared not pause. Maybe she would not get up again. She didn’t know when she had last eaten. She was not sure how safe snow was as a water source so she used it sparingly. Her legs had given up protesting. The only way was forward. The sword needed to reach its owner and so did she.

She smiled into a gust of wind. The snow was cold on her teeth. It did not matter. At the end of the road, there was something worth it. Something with enough power to reach her in the swirling emptiness. Of course she wanted to see him again; life was worth it, just knowing he was around.

It was silly. It was stupid. It was not making sense. But it filled her with purpose and the will to see things through. Not duty, she wanted this and that was different. Meliana would not question her serenity. It was a blessing and she could, she would, hold on to that. A desire to live was so much more than a reason.

Her feet sunk deeper and deeper into the snow. She was slowed down by snow drifts. But she would not stop. Not yet. She would take another step. And another. Raise the foot. Move it forwards. Put it down. She watch her boot sink into the white ground. The broken metal on her back pushed her forwards.

It became more difficult to keep moving. Night was falling. The white landscape turned into shades of grey. There was light somewhere ahead. It flickered. It vanished. Meliana pushed on. The snow reached up to her thighs, clinging to her with insistent embrace. She forced her leg to take another step.

“There! It’s her!” A voice called. It sounded distant, faint. But she was not alone. Just one more step. Meliana forced her foot up. Just one more step. But her body had heard the call. It had decided. She fell to her knees. Figures came running towards her.

Meliana looked up. A human face hovered over her. An Inquisition soldier, but not one she knew. He was talking. She didn’t hear him. But she could see shapes move behind him. She had found them. Meliana smiled and closed her eyes. Darkness engulfed her like a heavy blanket. It was most welcome.

 

* * *

 

She woke up warm. Meliana took a moment to process this. Her toes were warm. Her fingers were warm. Her whole body felt aglow. Blankets covered her, heavily weighed down with the scent of Valoraas. She smiled.

“I know from your breathing that you are awake,” his familiar voice said.

Meliana smiled. This moment was hers forever. She turned her head and the light ends of heavy fur tickled her nose. She wanted to hug Valoraas, but he was not close enough. He had done what he always did, provide the next best thing.

She could hear the other advisors argue not far away. It was just a noise. Meliana did not want to move. She was under a spell she did not want to break. She would have to, of course. But not now

“Shh, you need rest”, Mother Giselle agreed.

Meliana opened her eyes. The Revered Mother was sitting at her bed while Valoraas was keeping his distance. His eyes rested on her.

“They have been at it for too long,” she replied.

“They have that luxury, thanks to you,” Mother Giselle said. “With time to doubt, we turn to blame.”

It was a conversation Meliana did not want to have. But Mother Giselle insisted. Valoraas kept his distance. Meliana would have been grateful for an intervention. Of course he would not. Duty came first. And Mother Giselle had some valid points.

So Meliana listened. She had no plan, no idea where to go from here. This was not what they had planned for. Actually, she had only planned to close the Breach. But now Corypheus was back. It burned bright guilt into her. Another of her mistakes the world had to suffer.

It did not help, that Mother Giselle shared the belief that Hawke was somehow chosen. The Maker had never been a good explanation for the world in Meliana’s eyes. She would change his world if she could, not preserve it. But she did not know how to fight faith.

Pulling the borrowed cloak tightly around her shoulders, Meliana stood up. She found Valoraas, still watching, half way between her cot and the arguing advisors. She smiled as she approached. “How is your soul?”

“You bore it well,” he replied. “It is still broken.”

She smiled. Of course it was. “It won’t always be.” She stood beside him, looking t the arguing group. “Can I keep the cloak for the rest of today? Just today.”

“Of course.” He adjusted it over her shoulders. “Stay safe.”

“And warm.” Meliana relished in the weight of his hand. “And now I will break up that fight and see what we can do.”

It was not easy. But there was obviously no solution to any of their problems. So in the end Cassandra, Josephine and Leliana acquiesced. Mother Giselle helped unexpectedly. She opened a hymn after a few words. To Meliana’s surprise almost everybody joined. Familiar rituals held power. Especially when you were alone, afraid and lost. And possibly cold. She buried her hands in the fur of the collar.

“A word.” Solas passed her by. He did not look happy.

Meliana could not blame him. She followed to the outskirts of the camp. The wind was biting. It came at her as if trying to make up for the time she had been hiding between the tents. Meliana wondered how Solas could stand the cold with no cloak. The veilfire he lit was not warming at all.

He surprised her even more by praising Mother Giselle. “Her kind understands the moments that unify a cause.” He went on to speak about the orb Corypheus had carried and tried to take her mark with. He had seen such foci in his dreams. Overall Solas’ dreams were actually the most useful thing they had so far. They had revealed a stronghold to him.

“Scout to the north,” he advised. “Be their guide. There is a place the Inquisition can build.”

Meliana was not the first to trust in dreams. But it was their best option and so far Solas had never been wrong about his dreams.

The advisors were even less happy. But none of them had a better idea. So it was agreed. They would go north. Leliana would dispatch her scouts with Hawke to find the fabled fortress and then the best way for the weary villagers to reach it. It was not much. But it was enough hope to keep moving.

But not today. They would spread the word today. They would march tomorrow. Meliana looked at the camp. It was a lot to move. She was surprised how much had been saved from Haven. It was not enough. The voice inside her did not shut up.

It did not shut up when Vivienne praised her for all the villagers she had saved. It did not shut up when The Iron Bull told her the Chargers were still complete. It did not shut up when Varric tried to cheer her up. The fire they had gathered around was warming her face only. Night fell and temperatures with it. Meliana shivered.

“Get some rest, Birdie,” Varric told her. “You had a bad day and the next won’t be accommodating.”

He was right. Meliana didn’t even know where her cot had ended up. She clung to the borrowed cloak and looked at its owner. “Do you-”, she hesitated, “use it for a blanket?”

“No.” Valoraas looked from his cloak to her face. “But you may. I also suggest you sleep in the same tent I do to ensure your safety.”

Glances were exchanged but the plan was sound. He escorted her through the camp, showing her into one of the big tents. Its back was almost up against the rocks. When she made her bed on one side, Valoraas stopped her.

“You will be safe.” Her sleeping place ended up parallel to the back. His own was forming a wall between her and the entrance. She would be safe.

Meliana nodded. She got ready to sleep. It eluded her. The cold was not creeping through her sleeping mat. It was almost a miracle. But only when Valoraas finally laid down to sleep, did her heartbeat slow down. The heavy cloak closed in and her skin warmed. Valoraas’ regular breaths lulled her to sleep.

 

* * *

 

‘North’ was not the most concise of all directions. It was enough to kindle hope. Solas did not tell anybody about his involvement. Thy myth ‘Inquisitor’ grew. Meliana hated it. First she was helped out of the Fade by Andraste herself. Now she had died in Haven. And had returned to life. It was ridiculous.

People did not care. Cassandra believed. Even Leliana was doubting there was nothing to the claims. And the people were convinced and confident. When Hawke was among them, there were enquiries.

It was easy to forget how many civilians were travelling with them. It was also good to forget. But there were women and children severely injured. Relations approached Hawke if they dared. She was a mage. She was blessed. Could she work just one miracle? Just that once?

It did not matter that none of it was true. Well, Hawke was a mage. That it was a beacon of hope among the people was surprisingly comforting. But there was little she could do for most of the injured. She was no healer. And every little bit she did, was exaggerated. Mending a broken bone was not saving somebody’s life. Treating burns was not saving somebody’s life. But people did not care. They saw what they wanted to see.

“Where is Cole?” Meliana asked one of the healers. They did not know. Nobody knew. Nobody remembered somebody called Cole. Not even Valoraas. It made him very uncomfortable. That nobody else remembered did not help. Meliana had to recount the events at the gate of Haven a few times. It rang no bells.

After some discussion, she managed alleviate any fears. Nobody doubted her. But the truth was too strange. Meliana returned to the healers. Cole wanted to help. This would be the place to be. She looked around. A young man with a hat that size should not be easy to overlook. But he was.

“Come on, Cole,” she murmured. “You helped Chancellor Roderick walk. I know you’re here.”

“You remember.” It sounded surprised.

Not as surprised as Meliana was, finding Cole right next to her. “How do you do that?”

“I was only there a little, but you remember.” He looked out from under the wide brim with curiosity. “How do you do that?”

“I remember people I meet. It’s how things work.” Meliana frowned. There was something about Cole. It was familiar and foreign. It was almost a phantom pain. “Are you people?”

“I don’t know.” He gazed at her.

“But you will stay with us? And help the wounded?”

“They don’t remember me.”

“I guess they don’t.” Meliana frowned. More miracles that would be attributed to her. Because nobody remembered a young man who travelled with them. Who helped care for the wounded. Who wore a hat big as Orlais. It was something to solve.

“Cole is a spirit,” Solas said. He had approached them and now leant onto his staff watching her closely.

“Or a demon,” Cassandra objected. She was followed by Vivienne, Valoraas and Leliana. They seemed surprised to actually see Cole. Valoraas was measuring the young man carefully.

“This thing is not a stray puppy you can make into a pet,” Vivienne added. “It has no business being here.”

“He warned us about Corypheus at Haven,” Meliana pointed out. “He saved a lot of lives.”

“And what will its help cost?” Vivienne demanded. “How many lives will this demon later claim?”

The word ‘demon’ grated on Meliana's mind. She knew spirits and demons and the difference between them. She had seen enough of both to know. And Whatever Cole was, demon did not hit it by a long mile.

Meliana closed her eyes and took a deep breath. A spirit. That explained a lot. She remembered Justice. Their place inside her mind was still gaping.

“You were not real,” Cole suddenly said. He looked at Meliana. “Like the man in Adamant Fortress. But you received Justice. Justice made you real again.” He reached out and touched her forehead.

It was cold and tingled. The absence of Justice did not hurt. “Yes,” Meliana confirmed. “Justice helped me. But what are you?”

“I am Cole. I want to help.”

“He is a spirit of compassion,” Solas explained. “He is drawn towards those who suffer.”

“I want to help,” Cole repeated.

Meliana believed him. A spirit. A real. Living spirit. She smiled. She frowned. “How do you exist when you don’t possess a body?”

“I don’t know,” Cole replied. “How do you?”

It was a good question. It’s different when I do it did not sound like a good answer.

“You cannot think of letting it stay,” Vivienne insisted.

Meliana looked her in the eye. She looked at the other advisors. Valoraas shrugged minimally. But he knew. She smiled. Valoraas knew and he didn’t give a damn. It was as good as any reason she would get.

“You all think what cured my Tranquility was physically being thrown into the Fade,” she began. “But it was not. I had my magic back when I went to the Conclave. It was a spirit of Justice, a friend of mine.”

As expected, Cassandra and Vivienne were shocked. As was Solas, but for very different reasons. She could feel his gaze on her. Shifting only now and then to Cole.

“He shared my mind and body for a while. Transferring him to me restored my connection to the Fade. His strength helped me get through the backlash of six years of Tranquility. Six years of repressed emotions breaking free in one moment. If not for Justice, I would not be here now. So, yes. If Cole wants to stay and help, I welcome him.” She glared at everybody who looked disapproving.

She was Inquisitor. She could see Vivienne disapproved. The First Enchanter would have countermanded her. But Hawke was Inquisitor. She was the figurehead of the operation. She was its authority. It was not official yet. But it was obvious. And Hawke would use that power. She would use it to protect her friends. She would change the world only to make it into a safe place for her friends to live in.

Solas approved at least. He understood her view of spirits better now. It was probably not what he had expected. It did not matter. He was an ally in this. As was Valoraas, if in an unexpected way.

“You should write your experiences down for study,” he said. “It will help to understand magic better.”

Understand it better and thus be able to ward against it better. He did not have to say that. Still Meliana smiled. She knew him and for Valoraas this was liberal a mindset running rampant. The group broke up. Cole was already forgotten again. Meliana could feel it. She saw his hat from the corner of her eye. Then he disappeared. A spirit. She smiled.

There were whispers when she passed by. Meliana joined the scouting happily. A few of Leliana's agents fanned out before them, looking for the castle. Others stayed closer. They concentrated on finding a good path for the caravan. And they brought back with them any food they found.

The host of soldiers, mages and villagers had only very little provisions. Every little bit helped. Meliana made sure to hand over her share before she returned. She did not need to be the miracle that fed thousands on their journey through the cold. Not that it wouldn’t happen in the legends anyway.

But the cold landscape was comforting. Meliana spent days alone in the frozen mountains. The solitude was calming. The eyes of the people weighed heavy on her. There were too many expectations. They had a too skewed picture of her. But the snow covered trees wanted nothing. They cared not for the destruction of Haven. They allowed her to forget about the hopes and lives depending on her.

It was still heaven. The long days of marching, scouting ahead and making sure everybody was keeping up were tiresome. But they all ended. And with the fall of night, Meliana would slip into her tent, the tent she shared with Valoraas, to let heaven happen. Valoraas chose to lie like a barricade between her and the tent’s entrance, between her and the world.

His cloak would drown her in heavy memories and she was once again safe, safe and feeling it. Her Arishok was as close as it would get. She did not freeze and her toes were emanating a gentle glow with the rest of her body. Meliana closed her eyes. She inhaled and smiled. Then she fell asleep to the regular breathing close to her.

It was all she would get. But she loved every second of it. It was enough to cover any dull aches from the past.


	10. 10

It worked well. Meliana kept her distance and herself occupied. The loss of Haven was a reality that did not affect her much. And soon enough the far scouts returned with the confirmation of a castle in the mountains. Their descriptions were a little too good to be true. But that was the picture hope painted.

The scouts now looked for the easiest route to travel. The caravan moved slowly. The people were tired. And they were just that. Tired people. The message hit home the day the caravan did not move. A woman was in childbirth, a difficult on, and moving would kill her. If the child would live was uncertain. Nobody questioned it. Everybody hunkered down and waited. New life was new hope.

Meliana paced the camp. Half the glances asked why she was not with the woman in labour. Just one more miracle. But she could not save them all. Meliana held on to Valoraas words. She was just one woman. The fates of cities and villages on her shoulders-

She took a deep breath. Villages and cities. It always ended the same. Meliana looked around the camp. It seemed that everybody was making the best of the break. Some enjoyed it even. The hunters were out. There was the prospect of food. Home was only a few weeks away. Life was going well once more.

But Meliana only saw the mountain peaks towering up around them. How easy they could crumble. They were fearfully exposed. It did not take much to wipe out this camp. Much less than any other home she had had. It felt inevitable. The fires of Kirkwall burnt behind her eyes. The city had been fortified.

She made her way back to her tent. It was a long way without being seen. Let them think she was out scouting or hunting. It was just as well. She wanted to be alone. To maybe be found. To curl up and hug herself. There was nobody else. She missed Carver. She missed Arishok. Meliana rocked herself back and forth.

Varric did his best to cheer her. He did all he could to keep her on track. But how often had he saved her arse now? He deserved better. Any weight off his shoulders sat deservedly on hers. Him she could save. Him she would save. And Valoraas. If he let her. If we wanted to. If he considered it improvement even.

And what were those few lives compared to those she had lost in her wake? Did it even matter? She would never be able to save as many as she had lost or killed. Death and destruction followed her. It was one explanation. One Meliana tried to hold on to. But there were other ways of reasoning. Ideas that wormed their way into her belief.

Meliana was tired of fighting them. They were all true. Why even bother? She could grandstand and swash-buckle all she wanted. The people might believe her sent by Andraste. Believe she was able to work miracles and even return from the dead. She knew herself. She had seen all of her life. And it was a disaster.

Of course she heard him approach. He was a big man and he wanted her to know he was coming. A fresh surge of tears broke free. Meliana did not look up, instead she pressed her face tightly against her knees.

A cold breeze slipped over her skin anyway as the tent flap fell closed. Valoraas sat down beside her. A strangled sound escaped he lips when his hand gently descended on her shoulder. With it escaped any pretence of self-control.

Valoraas did not stop her from reaching out. Instead he wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her in a familiar safety. She cried against his chest. Cried in that embrace that could keep everything at bay except what she did to herself. And sometimes it could ward even against that.

“What if it is me?” She asked under her tears. “What if I am cursed?”

“Cursed with what?” Valoraas asked back.

It was almost funny. There was so much wrong in her life that it was unclear which part could be due to a curse. Meliana snuffled. “It is the third place that I called home that was eradicated. Lothering. Kirkwall. And now Haven.”

“So you instigated the Fifth Blight.” His voice rolled over her. His chest rumbled against her face. He was being reasonable. It was not fair.

“I did not,” Meliana admitted.

“But you did blow up Kirkwall.”

She was tempted to hit him. Maybe a little. Just to feel his muscles against her hand. “That was you.”

“True.” Valoraas chuckled. It was not a happy sound. “But you invited Corypheus to Haven.”

Meliana sighed. “In a way? I don’t know how I got the bloody mark. But he wants it back.” She closed her eyes, holding still for a moment. “He wanted to take to from me. Take it back for whatever purpose he has in mind.”

“But you stood against him.”

Now Meliana let out a mirthless chuckle. “No. I told him to take the bloody thing and be on his way. But he could not.” She ducked deeper into his embrace. “But it was because of me that he came here. If I had not been in Haven-”

“You would be dead.”

“Yes.” She listened to his heartbeat in the ensuing silence. Maybe it had been wrong. But she had not cared. She had been thinking of this and this alone. The safety inside this embrace and the slow pulse of Valoraas’ life against her skin.

“But you are not.” His arms tightened. “And I will ensure that is stays this way. The Inquisition is a force for order. Cassandra and Leliana can steer it in many directions, but it will be nothing without you. You are the figurehead. The leader everybody trusts and will follow. If you leave, the factions will return to warring with each other. We will fail.”

It was too much responsibility. Meliana did not want to carry it again. But who knew how Kirkwall might have turned out without Meredith’s intervention? It might just have worked. And Valoraas had a point. There were too many opposing opinions in the Inquisition. Without somebody everybody else trusted, it was doomed. Vivienne would not trust Solas and he certainly did not trust the Court Enchanter. But they both trusted her. Trusted her enough to even follow each other.

Meliana bounced her head gently off Valoraas chest. It was too much. This was not about a place she called home and wanted to protect. This was about all of Thedas. Too big, too little. And Valoraas – she leant against him. He was protecting the leader of the Inquisition. That was her. Kind of.

Maybe he needed that to be true. There was no concept of love under the Qun as she understood it. He had made that abundantly clear so many times. And still it had worked. It had worked because he had a framework to refer to that made sense to him. What did he have now? Remnants of the Qun. Duty.

Was there a way to justify what he was doing under the Qun if not duty? Probably not. Meliana decided to speak to The Iron Bull about it. He would understand what her questions aimed at, of course. But maybe he could help her find the answers she need to understand Valoraas situation better. Because whatever she had understood about Arishok was not applicable any longer.

She sighed. But if Valoraas needed her to be the leader of the Inquisition to justify his reactions, that was what she would be. Everybody else wanted it, too. Those who were still alive, that was. The past stated bubbling up her throat again. If life was this hard, she deserved a respite. If the world depended on her for saving, she would cling to this comfort as long as she could.

Meliana closed her eyes and pressed herself into the arms embracing her. Even if it was just one moment of paradise, even if it would pass, for now it was all hers. Breathing deeply, Meliana blocked out the world.

 

* * *

 

Everything was different in the morning. Firstly, Meliana woke buried under more than her blankets. She smiled, feeling the rise and fall of Valoraas breathing press against her back. It was highly unlikely that anybody trying to assassinate her in the night would get very far now. But Valoraas needed reasons. It was time to give him some.

Hawke made a point of visiting the mother with her newborn. They were both weak and moving them would do them no favours. But as yet, both were alive. She cast a gentle healing spell on the woman and gave a lifeward amulet to the baby.

Be the myth. Be what they need. It was not a choice. It was what needed doing. She talked to her advisors about Corypheus. Steps would be taken to find out more about him. Blackwall knew nothing about him. It did not really surprise Hawke. It was more surprising that he did not seem to care. She missed Carver.

“I will see what I can do,” Varric promised. “His insights are invaluable.”

“And maybe Merrill,” Meliana said hesitantly. “If the artefact Corypheus used is indeed elven as Solas claims, she is our best shot. She had years to collect information from all clans.”

“Are you sure you want Daisy and our iron Lady to meet?” Varric asked.

“Cassandra or Vivienne?”

“Either. Both.” He shook his head. “They will not like it.”

“Nobody will, but what else is new?” Meliana smiled. “Free mages without free lyrium trade mean nothing. With blood as our only alternative, somebody should be thinking about all the implications. Cassandra and Leliana are both likely to work with the new Divine again.”

“Could you have one opinion that does not go against everything the Chantry stands for, Birdie?” Varric sighed.

“I’ll think about it.” Meliana smiled.

She spent the day scouting food and bringing it to the caravan. Hawke knew she needed to be seen helping. These were her people. She had to care for them. They needed to know she did. Nobody commented on her sudden change. Mother Giselle nodded approvingly. Hawke accepted it. The role had been hers from the beginning. She didn’t want it. She wanted it for the wrong reasons.

“What is it like?” She asked the Iron Bull one evening. The Chargers were their own small camp on the flank of the main host. Privacy was little more than an illusion. But Meliana had made a point of spending time with everybody. It was not a suspicious action per se.

“Re-education?” He looked at her thoughtfully. “It depends. I turned myself in once. It ended with me being sent here to spy under the cover of my mercenary band. Sometimes all it takes are a few rousing speeches. We want to believe.”

“Don’t I know that.” Meliana thought of too many memories. “But sometimes that is difficult.”

“It is,” The Iron Bull agreed. “And for him, speeches would not have done it. I don’t think anything would. He is a special case. A case that should not happen. Qamek would be the only solution. Breaking the mind down until it is pliant enough to take whatever orders you drill into it. Good for manual labour but very bad for your personality.”

“He chose to leave and I think I understand why. But,” Meliana shrugged helplessly, “you cannot cut yourself in half like that. Or can you? If your personality is bound to your role, can you?”

“You cannot,” he agreed. “But Valoraas wants to believe it. Maybe he has to. Arishok is not a role that leaves much space. That baker in Par Vollen may play a round of Ball in the Hole with his friends in his time off. Maybe he likes to write poetry. Arigena, Ariqun, and Arishok do not have such freedoms. The fate of the Qunari rests on them.

“If you strip his role from the baker, you still have a person that likes to play ball or write poems. But what is left if you take his role from the Arishok? What is of him that is not of, for and from the Qun?”

“Me.” Meliana stared at her hands. “But I am not enough. I cannot carry two through this crisis, The Iron Bull. I cannot even carry myself.”

“Whatever you gave him that was not from the Qun,” the Qunari replied, “it was enough to make him prefer remembering his life to forgetting. Even if it meant leaving the Qun.”

“But what good does that really do?” Meliana laughed.

“For him or for the Inquisition?”

She snorted. “There’s always that.”

“The Arishok of the Qunari is never common, Hawke,” The Iron Bull insisted. “If you are trying to understand him by understanding how the Qun works for common Qunari, I don’t think you will get very far. Our leaders are chosen because they can make the hard decisions and live with the consequences. Because that ability is special.

“Valoraas did everything by the book. He played by the rules of the Qun and still lost. He was betrayed by the very system he believed in. The system that told him who he was and that he was special. If that system is wrong? Where does it leave him? A clean cut may be the only thing working.”

“I never understood why he was left to sit things out on his own in Kirkwall,” Meliana said. “Just a Hissrad or maybe a Tallis. That was all he needed.”

“I have only watched that from afar,” The Iron Bull admitted. “But it was difficult to understand. Not everybody in the antaam stood behind this decision. It was fishy. But the Qun knows best. He deserved better.”

“He did,” Meliana agreed. “He does!”

“But for him to realise it, Valoraas has to break with the Qun completely,” the Qunari went on. “Not an easy thing if you believed and were believed for a lifetime. The Qun can screw people over. It happens when you put the whole before a single person. But if you decided to be a person and take an individual view, you are no longer a part of the Qun. You cannot be.”

That would be terrifyingly hard for Valoraas. Meliana closed her eyes. She ran the back of her hand over them. How clean could the break with the Qun be, if you were still invested in its goals? Valoraas giving up on order and discipline was like a fish giving up on water. She could not imagine it. How could he separate those ideals for his own use? There was no simple answer.

“Thank you for talking to me,” she finally said.

“Any time, boss.” The Iron Bull grinned. “It is fun to watch the Qun at work so far from home. Hit me up whenever.”

“I will.” She meant it. Valoraas might be a special case under the Qun, but The Iron Bull was not as common as he tried to appear. A short conversation with Leliana confirmed that. Birds were reaching him even as they travelled slowly through the mountains. However his network was set up, it was substantial and robust.

“You are doing well not to be fooled by his jovial appearance,” Valoraas said. “The Iron Bull is nobody’s friend.”

“Well, somebody told me that about you once upon a time,” Meliana replied ash she curled up on her side to sleep.

“And they were right.” He gathered her to him, one arm cupping hers. “I was not.”

Meliana suppressed the urge to snuggle into his embrace. This was business. Mostly business, the business of getting them both restful sleep. Bless horns, those stupid, bulky, things. “But not any longer, kadan,” she reminded him.

He did not protest the word. But then it was wide enough to encompass anybody you cared for in whichever way. “Perhaps,” he finally replied. His tone made clear that he considered the conversation to be over.

But that was alright by Meliana. It took time to build a life from scratch. It took time to grapple with all the feelings and thoughts you never had before or couldn’t have for a long time. It had taken her two years to return to functioning. Barely functioning. He was doing great.

 

* * *

 

Travelling quickly became routine. Nobody dared question her sleeping arrangement, When Cassandra brought it up once, Meliana had laughed. “In case of doubt, we are still married,” she had replied. “The question should not be why we share a tent, but why we don’t also sleep with each other.”

The face of the warrior had shown clearly that this topic would never come up again.

At least not in public or even with Valoraas. It kept popping up in Meliana’s mind. Being so close was certainly one reason for that. Noticing that it was definitely a head-thing for him was another. She remembered him too well to miss the small signs. And so she didn’t.

But Valoraas was obviously not going to act on any of his desires. If he even acknowledged them as such.

“You realise we still are married?” Meliana asked one morning. She was adjusting his cloak that was a surprisingly complex affair for a covering piece of clothing.

“That was a different man,” he just replied.

She walked around him, tugging the drape into shape as she went. “I don’t know. Because I was there, you know. Loads of nobles in their best getup, 28 minstrels, none of which had to die a sudden death, plenty of long-winded speeches. And I am certain it was you that stood there threatening death should he dare come between us.”

“You cannot understand.” Valoraas stopped her hands.

“You are right, I can’t.” Meliana sighed. She really did not. Talking to The Iron Bull had helped but it was still so – unfair? The difference between can’t and won’t should not be your attitude. “But if that’s what you need,” she closed her eyes and took a deep breath before looking up at him again. “It’s just so difficult because I am still me.”

“I know.” Valoraas raised hand, a familiar gesture Meliana wanted to lean into it before it happened. But he caught himself, clasping her shoulder instead. “It is good to know. But as you said, it is difficult.”

“We’ll make it. Somehow.” She smiled and turned to leave. “We always do.”

If he had a reply to that, Valoraas was too slow making it heard. Meliana left the tent in a small rush. The crisp morning air had hit her face. I was a daily reminder. There was a world beyond what she wanted. There was a world beyond ready to help her get what she wanted.

And things did progress. Progress possibly. She was back at being a wedge pillow substitute. She was not back to grooming his horns but adjusting the cloak was a step in the right direction. It had to be. She had not instigated either of these. If her mere presence was enough to do that, there was still something more buried in Valoraas.

Hope. It was what everybody needed. Hawke made her rounds through the camp before leaving to scout every morning and once more in the evening. She was the visible incarnation of hope. And with each passing day the scouts returned with the same news. The castle was just ahead. Only a few more days. Endure.

“You are certain you do not want anybody to know about the role you played in finding the castle?” Meliana asked Solas. They were sitting close to a fire, visible to the whole camp.

“I am certain but thank you all the same.” He held her left between his hands, fingers moving about the anchor. He could find no changes in it even with the Breach sealed. Meliana had hoped for a way to remove it now. But that was a hope shattered. “Short of cutting off your hand, I can see no way to take it. I keep telling you this and still you come to talk each evening.”

“I do.” She raised her hand to look at it. The green flicker bathed them in an eerie light. She turned her hand this way and that. Then she put it into his hands again. “You are an elven apostate. Seeing your work closely with me, that I trust you, will be good for both groups.”

“A kind thought and appreciated.” Solas held but looked at her face. “Elves are always an easy target.”

“They are. They shouldn’t.” Meliana tried to smile. “But that’s history for you. Always handing the short end of the stick to the peaceful.”

“You should learn from it then,” Solas suggested.

“How?” She sighed. “The winner writes the history and they are always right in their actions. And who does not want to hear they were right in slaughtering thousands? Everything else would leave a very bad taste indeed.”

“You are too cynical for your age by far.” Solas dropped her hand.

“What? Like it takes thousands of years?” Meliana laughed. “You have not lived in this time’s cities much, have you? You resort to cynicism or madness. Or you perish. So I would have arrived at the conclave cynical already. This just didn’t help any.” She shook her glowing hand a little.

“None of this should have happened,” Solas agreed.

“Yeah, well.” Meliana wanted to agree. But she could not come up with any alternate reality that looked much better than what she had now. “But it did. So we gotta deal with it. Do what we can. We can’t change the past.”

“You did,” he reminded her.

“True.” It was different. Meliana was sure it was. She just could not put her finger on it. Was it because she had been the one changing it? Was it because it was a future to horrible to bear? But who got to decide that? Corypheus had likely been happy… If you afforded everybody the chance to go back in time and change things. It would be chaos.

Who would not try to go and save a loved one? To change a decision that had not worked out well. Too many would unthinkingly tackle any regret they had. If you cannot change it now, change it before it happens. It was the easier path. It was easier than to work what the present had given you.

But Meliana had said it herself. The victors wrote history. That was her and so what happened was right. Because it had been done by her. It made her uncomfortable. The leeway it gave her was wrong. Still she would use it to reach her goals. So how was this different?

Perhaps it was not. Perhaps keeping that in mind was the first step in the right direction. She only had to find the rest of them. And soon they would arrive in a new place to start over. There would be enough work ahead to keep her busy. Perhaps answering the big questions was best served by instead answering all the small ones it encompassed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next update starts with arriving in Skyhold. I have planned absolutely nothing from that point on. I will need some time to sort through all my ideas of what to include what (loads) to scrap and whether I want to include Stroud or just have Carver back.
> 
> So maybe a month? Give or take a week? Sorry.
> 
> But it should be clear enough that the two idiots are well on their way to the miracle they have been denied in the first part. :)


	11. Reboot

“Rise and shine!” Through the cloth of the tent it sounded as if Varric was standing right beside her.

“Five more minutes,” Meliana called back. Her attempt to jerk upright had been successfully curbed by Valoraas. She could feel him relax as well.

“What would you do with those?” Varric asked.

“Wallow in the comfort of a borrowed cloak I won’t have come evening!” It was not a complete lie.

“Alright.” Varric laughed. “Five minutes.”

Meliana turned around. Valoraas was not really a cloak, but he was doing a great job. She smiled up at him.

“Five minutes is very short,” he told her.

“Well.” Before she could go on, Valoraas moved so she could feel his erection. Meliana closed her eyes. Now this was unfortunate. But of course it would be now. It had to be now. They would reach the castle today and a repeat was out of the question. She sighed. “You might have said a little sooner.”

Like a week or two. It would have eased some of her tensions. Tensions that pulled at her whole body now. “The two of us have always made anything work.” She smiled, putting a hand against his cheek.

“It is too short,” he objected. “I would hurt you.”

“Hurt me then. I know how to stop you.” Meliana moved against him.

For a moment Meliana thought he would, but Valoraas just sighed. “Could you really?”

“If I believe in one thing, only one thing,” she held his face between her hands, too tempted to just pull, “it is your self-control.”

Valoraas closed his eyes for a moment. “You do. But it would not be enough.”

So close and yet so far. Meliana sighed. “Alright. But should you ever want to do it – me – properly, let me know.”

“I fear you would take it for love.” It did not help that he tightened his hold on her.

“Love? I don’t know about that,” Meliana replied. “But it will definitely be damn good sex.”

“And that is what you want?”

“I want damn good sex with you.” She pulled his face closer, just an inch. “That is a _big_ difference.”

“Indeed.” Valoraas leant down into a lingering kiss. It was not a promise for more. It was pure indulgence. Meliana returned it with a smile.

It was a pity she had to get up. But five minutes were five minutes and since nothing would happen there was no use trying. Getting into the freezing cold looked like an excellent idea considering her state.

When she made it out, Varric was already waiting for her. “Ready to arrive home?”

“Dunno,” Meliana shrugged. “Did somebody cook dinner?”

“Let’s find out.” His good mood was contagious. Or maybe her mood was feasting on pie in the sky. It didn't matter. The day was beautiful and so was life.

As it turned out nobody had made dinner. Nobody had made the beds either. Or rather, somebody had, but it had been a long, long time ago. The crumbling remnants they found would help nobody. But that didn’t curb the enthusiasm. The stone work was mostly intact. The wooden roofs had caved in in places. Tatters on poles showed where flags belonged. It was as impressive as the scouts had said.

“Skyhold,” Solas told her. “It was forgotten long ago.”

Meliana had no idea how you could forget about a complete castle, much less an intact one. But they found no bodies. It was highly suspicious. Maybe they would find a mass grave in a hidden spot one day. But not now. Everybody was eager to clean the place and make it liveable. Tents were used to patch up roofs. People moved into the protected corners of the stronghold. They smiled as they put up their few possessions. The high walls made them feel safe.

Meliana understood, though the walls also made her feel trapped. She stood on a wall staring into the mountains. A new city was coming to life behind her. A city that would be difficult to destroy. A city she would protect at any cost.

“Not so different from Kirkwall, is it?” Varric stood next to her. “Apart of the snow and the cold.”

“Yeah,” she agreed. “Let’s have as much fun here but make sure it ends better.”

 

* * *

 

The first day went by in a rush. Meliana knew she would have to leave again soon to give the people time to settle and turn this into a place they considered adequate for their Inquisitor. Leliana and Cassandra sure had worked out something on the long trek.

She made her way through the infirmary which was as yet a few tents in the courtyard. But she could help, if only a little. And she could watch Cole who slipped by unnoticed. When he noticed, he nodded curtly and moved on. He was not used to being seen. She would take him along on her next trip. It would be good for him. It would be good for her. And it would put many minds in Skyhold t ease.

Meliana caught Varric's eye. He had something important. But before she could reach him, Cassandra intercepted her. There was something about to happen. Hawke hadn't survived this long without noting that within milliseconds.

But when somebody was was explaining your life to you while guiding you up many stairs, even if this was supposed to be her home as well – things were about to get real. Cassandra put a lot of emphasis on Hawke's contributions. It was not all wrong. She had done her best lately. There was a future riding on her shoulders. A future more important than her own.

So she followed Cassandra's lead. Leliana was waiting on the landing in front of the main entrance to the castle. She held a huge sword. Meliana wanted to snort. A sword like that was useless. Well, Valoraas might be able to handle it. But this was not about him. He had a sword. Not a working one, though. Not yet.

Meliana shook those thoughts away. It didn't help. Also, there was a crowd gathered. It was always fun to embarrass oneself in front of a crowd. So it was time to make things official, meaning something like a ceremony.

Meliana looked around. There was not much you could do ceremony with. The elaborate sword was the exception.

"The Inquisition requires a leader," Cassandra finally got to the point. "The on who has already been leading it. You."

The crowd looked up expectantly. There were still people arriving. Meliana wasn't sure they all cam from Haven. But they all came for her. Well, the Inquisition. No need for delusions of grandeur. She turned back to Cassandra and Leliana. Did they know she already decided? Even if they would never know why.

"Nobody worries about a mage at the head of the Inquisition?"

"I will not pretend no one will object," Cassandra admitted, "but times are changing. Perhaps this is what the Maker intended."

Meliana didn't know about the Maker, didn't care. But change sounded good. She could be the example of a good mage. _The one mage I trust,_ Valoraas words cut through her mind. The light reflected off the blade. It was almost as tall as she was. When Leliana pushed it in her direction, Hawke took it.

This was just making things public. She could do this. It didn't even involve a single minstrel. So she took the impossible sword and, as protocol and decorum dictated, raised it high above her head. The impact was immediate and expected. The crowd cheered.

Cassandra used the moment to instigate an exchange with many places for the crowd to cheer even more. It was the way of things. People liked to cheer. People liked to have hope when there had been none. If it took tiding these people over to the future on her back, she would do it. And she would raise the bloody sword with every cheer ahead.

Meliana glanced at Valoraas. He was standing behind Josephine who got carried away with the crowd. It was an intoxicating moment. Maybe she would even remember it.

"Will we triumph?" Cassandra neared the end of the play.

The crowd confirmed enthusiastically. To Meliana's surprise, Valoraas spoke up then. His voice echoing in a courtyard too small to hold it. "Your leader! Your herald! Your Inquisitor!"

Meliana felt ready to thrust the blade so high into the sky, the Breach opened again. Hell yes. She could her the implicit "my" in the battle cries. If she hadn't been burning already, she would have burst into flames now. The glow naturally translated, though the people around her would not know its origin. It didn't matter.

When the show was over the crowd dispersed. Hawke followed Leliana and Cassandra into the main halls of the castle. Varric was waiting close to the entrance inside. This time she did not let herself be diverted.

The dwarf looked stressed. The news were probably not good. Meliana smiled encouragingly. She owed him big time. It seemed strange to think he didn't realise that. "What is it?"

"I have news," he replied slowly, "from Carver."

"Carver!" She dropped to her knees, grabbing Varric by his shoulders. "Where is he? How is he? He's not-" she couldn't finish.

"No, he's alive, Birdie. Last I know of," Varric added. "But he is also in trouble. At least I think he is. There seems to be a conflict among the Wardens and they seem to be hunting him. He has been accordingly vague about everything."

A knot formed in Meliana's stomach. Carver, her brother, in danger once again. Did nothing ever change? Was there nothing she fixed that would stay fixed? Was death or destruction the only final end? She closed her eyes briefly. "Where do we look for him, when can we leave?"

"Crestwood, but I don't know." Varric pointedly glanced behind her.

Meliana stood, finding most of her companions gathered. Half of them looked unhappy about the idea, some outright disapproving. Strangely enough, Blackwall was missing. She glanced at Varric, he had noticed as well.

"Is there a problem?" Hawke asked.

"It is a personal matter," Vivienne said. "This is hardly the time."

"I am well aware, Madame de Fer, that personal is not the same as important." Meliana smiled, barely containing the wolf behind her teeth. "But I have been doing important my whole bloody life long. Carver is my brother. My only family. He is important to me. And I will go and find him. The Inquisition can help or stand back, but it better not get in my way."

"He might know more about the Wardens vanishing," Varric chimed in.

"And he was with you when you killed Corypheus the first time," Leliana said. "He might have more insights coming from his Warden background."

"I suggest you confer with Warden Blackwall," Vivienne yielded.

"Oh, I plan to." His absence was suspicious. He would probably not try anything when confronted, but just to have a witness, Meliana planned not to go alone. She looked at Varric. "Ready for a serious conversation?"

"You know me," he just replied.

She did but that was beside the point. Together they went looking for Blackwall. He was helping clearing out the stables. When he saw the approach, he stopped and stepped aside. They obviously looked like serious business.

"I told you before that I have almost no contact with other Wardens," Blackwall replied when Hawke had said her bit. "I am happy your brother is alive and well, but I do worry what he has done to incur the wrath of the Grey Wardens."

"He'd never do anything to harm them," Meliana insisted. "They're his family!"

"Family doesn't always agree on what is right," Blackwall reminded her.

"Well, I'm going to find him," Hawke declared.

Blackwall looked decidedly uncomfortable but didn't say anything. She glanced at Varric. It was amazing how much he could say even without a single word. And he was right. This was highly suspicious and irregular behaviour. "If you think you can help, you are welcome to come along."

There was no reply. So this was it. Hawke suppressed a sigh. Something would have to be done about Blackwall. Maybe Carver had ideas. In case the Warden was still around when she returned with her brother.

"Well, then I would ask you to return to the Storm Coast," she finally went on. "There have been sightings of darkspawn and they need to be dealt with. Take as many men as you deem necessary after speaking with Cassandra."

"I will." he looked relieved and eager.

Hawke wasn't sure if he wanted to get away more than he wanted to do something against the darkspawn. "Good, we will speak again when we return." She even managed a smile.

When they were out of earshot, Varric grumbled something to himself. "He is up to something," he then added loud enough to understand.

"He sure is. But I don't know what." Meliana sighed. People had never been her strong suit. "I don't know what is up with him. Is he even a Warden? He gave me even less than Carver about the Order and Carver was keeping all secrets."

"If he is not a Warden pretending to be one for such a long time and so dedicated does bode well for his intentions at least. It does mightily look like penance."

"This isn't one of your novels, Varric," Meliana replied. "I have to know because your heroes get better deals than I have seen in decades. Even the Champion of Kirkwall gets a better deal and she is me."

"Don't say that, Birdie." Varric sounded a little offended. "The novel Champion never got to be so happy with her husband in Kirkwall."

"True." Meliana wanted to add that in return the novel Champion never got to be as devastated either, but what would be the point? They both knew. "I'll have Hissrad and Leliana keep an eye on Blackwall. Not do do anything, even if he bolts now. Just – to keep an eye on him."

"Who else will you bring?" Varric got back on the topic of finding Carver.

"Well, you of course. And Cole. I think I will like having him around and I think many people in Skyhold will like having him gone."

"And who will cover your arse?" Varric snorted.

Meliana would have loved to bring Valoraas. But he did not like Cole either. Blackwall was out of the question which left The Iron Bull. Actually, she would prefer him to tag along Blackwall, but they'd see.

"We're just going for a little walk. So Maybe Solas would be a good idea. At least he likes Cole and maybe together we can piece together a little what he is."

"You like the boy."

"Yes." Meliana smiled. "He reminds of Justice."

"Now that is a comparison I can't even begin to understand." Varric shook his head. "Just be careful."

"Oh, you know me," she chuckled as an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back for a bit. Got it planned until Chapter 15 now. If I get everything up to going to the Arbors Wilds into those few chapters.


	12. Reunion

Valoraas had not been happy about the idea to let his Inquisitor leave without a proper warrior to protect her. But rolling her eyes at him had shut him up quick enough. He of all people knew what damage she could do with her magic. And that was before Justice's stay, and more so departure, had given it a feral edge.

Hissrad was going to the Storm Coast with Blackwall, the official reason being that he had worked there before and knew the territory. Also, Blackwall had asked for his help. So he did not plan to bolt. But plans were one thing and life was another; this much Meliana knew.

It was also not that easy to slip anything past Cole.

“You want to protect me,” he said as they saddled their horses. “And you want to protect the others as well. Why does everybody need protecting?”

“Have you seen the world lately?” It was out before Meliana could stop herself.

“Yes.” Cole nodded emphatically.

Well, if that didn't tell him, nothing she would say would explain a thing. But he didn't press the conversation when she didn't continue it. Sometimes it was difficult to know where he got his answers from. Or his questions.

The prospect to see Carver again made Meliana antsy. The horse were not fast enough. The days were too long. The trip took forever. Valoraas would have appreciated this kind of fervour for her other endeavours. But he wasn't here to see. Every evening she tried to abuse the idea that morning came faster if you went to sleep earlier. It did not work.

Her sleep was fitful. There was so much uncertainty ahead. And the aster they reached Carver, the faster on of them would end. Her mind ran in circles chasing the tail-ends of its own looping thoughts.

They finally arrived in Crestwood village. They were drenched. It didn't look as if it would stop raining. Ever. There were undead about, too. The grey wardens they met at the entrance to the village were not helpful. They would not stay to protect the people. They had orders. Their orders were to find Carver. Find him and bring him in or kill him.

Now that would not happen. Hawke bid them farewell. Meliana barely kept from strangling them. How dare they? Her very own brother? If she fund him hurt, she'd wipe out the whole blood order and wipe all Thedas with them. The gall!

The mayor gave them the key to the dam. Reluctantly. He wanted to be rid of the Rift and the undead. But he wanted something else more. Something that he could not have protecting his village from the Rift and the undead. Why was everybody so full of secrets? Meliana didn't need Cole to blurt them out to know.

"Your answers don't help him," he had said one day as if it was an epiphany to him as well.

It had probably meant nothing to the others, but Meliana chuckled. "He needs his own answers, Cole. We all do."

"But what if you don't know the questions?" His tone was genuinely troubled. He had come across that a lot, she guessed.

"That is where the problems usually start." She smiled encouragingly. It wasn't easy for people, how difficult had it to be for him? "But we do our best. We talk to others and think. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it just takes very, very long."

And sometimes people just invented religion. That answered a lot of questions and for many it didn't raise any new ones. Meliana wondered if they were lucky or just determined to have it easier. Not that she blamed them. Easy was nice. Unfortunately, it was also out of the question if you were a mage, apostate born and raised.

The thought of her father brought her current mission back to the forefront of her mind. The rain hadn't stopped. The lake to their right was glowing in an eerie green. It kept spouting out undead. They turned their backs on it for now. It didn't take long to find the cave Carver was hiding in. How could he have stayed unnoticed here so long? It felt so very exposed.

When they reached the entrance, Meliana had to stop and wait for her heart to catch up. She pushed away her fears resolutely. Carver would be in there. He would be alive. He would be well. All would be well. She had to believe. Maybe religion wasn't all bad after all. She needed something to pray to. But there was only the panicked darkness behind her eyes.

In the end, Varric took her hand and led her on with a gentle tug. "Come on, Birdie. Can't let your brother wait. You know he's impossible then."

Meliana smiled back at her friend. Carver was always impossible. Impossibly strong. Impossibly loyal. Impossibly alive when everybody else she knew–. She squeezed Varric's hand. No, that was unfair. And though proximity to her did result in significantly higher mortality–. Oh bother.

Water dripped from the ceiling of the cave. The torches threw flickering lights onto the smooth walls. Torches were a good sign. Dead people lit no torches.

When they reached the room at the end of the tunnel it was worse than expected. There was nobody there. Meliana looked around, trying frantically to stay calm. There were some papers on a desk, the writing on some of them resembling Carver's handwriting.

What if it had been a ploy? Just a way to draw her out here and-

A sword was drawn behind her, a big one by the sound of it. When Meliana turned around, she almost impaled herself on it. Stupid, careless, but the only direction worth going. The sword clattered to the ground, dropped out of their path almost carelessly, making space for their embrace.

"Carver. Sweet Maker, Carver!" Meliana couldn't get anything else out. She just repeated herself into his armour.

"It's alright, little big sis." His words betrayed him. His grip was not bespeaking okay at all.

Meliana just held on, wondering fleetingly how long this could last. Not long enough. But she didn't resist when Carver pushed her back gently.

He appraised her face, running a thumb over the slight mark on her forehead. "Varric kept me updated. I am so sorry."

"What could you have done?" Meliana smiled. "You were bad at just being there when I was normal already."

"Well," he chuckled. "Have you ever been around your normal self?"

"Not that I can say. But from what I was told my abnormal self was a lot worse and then took a decided downturn." She held on to his hand. "Have you been alright?"

"Apart from worrying over you?" Carver grinned. "I have my own life, a career, a family." he hesitated. "Or maybe had."

"The Wardens have their own troubles," Meliana said. "I wonder if they are connected to Corypheus."

"I believe so." carver shook his head. "I mean, I was there when we killed Corypheus. Weisshaupt was content to forget the whole affair but I was curious. So I began to investigate. I found evidence that like an Archdemon, Corypheus could survive mortal wounds but no proof."

He walked towards the desk, staring at the papers before turning back to her. "And then every Warden in Orlais began to her the Calling."

"All of them?" Varric asked. "They think they're all of them dying?"

"What about you?" Meliana took a step towards her brother. "Are you-"

"I am okay, mostly," Carver assured her. "It's like an itch at the back of my mind, often barely there at all."

It was only half of the truth. Meliana knew her brother too well and his tells hadn't changed much over the years. But she did not enquire after the times the Calling split his head in thunderous noise. "Is Corypheus causing the Calling?"

"I think so," Carver rubbed his temple. "But it has my brethren worried. If they all die, who will stand against the next Blight?"

"So they are playing directly into Corypheus hands," Varric said.

"Black, cold, panicked," Cole spoke up. "What about the world, so much pressure, shoulders heavy with world and no horizon, only red lines of hope."

"That is about the shape of it." Caver glanced at Meliana and she shrugged; she understood Cole well enough.

"So how do they plan to stop the Blights?" She had a dark suspicion, but maybe, just this once maybe, she would be wrong.

Carver shook his head slightly before answering. "Warden-Commander Clarel proposed a ritual involving blood magic. When I protested the plan, they tried to arrest me."

"Carver-"

"It turned out alright, Mel," he interrupted her. "I am here now, safe. And so are you. But not for long." He pointed at a map on the desk. "The Wardens are gathering here, in an ancient Tevinter ritual tower in the Western Approach."

"Then we will go there and stop them." She took her brother's hand. "I won't let your family die this time."

"You were always horrible with keeping promises," Carver replied, squeezing her hand. "But that's okay. Maybe you got better. I'll meet you-"

"No!" Meliana interrupted him. "You come with us."

"I wish I could, little big sis," he smiled. "But it is not safe. You cannot be seen with the renegade Warden."

"I am being seen with a lot of shady people," she objected.

"But not with me. The Wardens-" Carver broke off and shook his head. "Trust me on this."

"Ok," she acquiesced. "But not now, yes? We have an hour? Maybe two?"

"Of course." The smile returned to his face. "Of course."

"Good." Meliana turned to her companions. "I do not care what you do in the meantime. I'm sure you can come up with something."

"It's not broken." Cole frowned. "But the ragged edges hurt and words make them soft. Gentle, strong, reassuring pressure in the dark behind the thoughts. The pieces don't have to belong to make a whole."

"No they don't," Meliana agreed. "It doesn't even help."

"We will return to the village," Varric said. "Send a bird about where we're going next. I am sure the Seeker has something to say about that."

"That is an excellent idea," Solas agreed. "I am sure we will find something to do in the village as well, somebody to help."

That got Cole's attention, probably the reason for Solas saying it.

"I'll meet you there," Meliana said before she turned back to her brother. He looked so grown-up, his very own person. It appeased her guilt a little. But only a little. "You look good, all things considered."

"So do you." He led her to a small table with three wonky chairs in a corner of the cave. "You had me worried for a long time now. Varric's vague reports did not help at all."

Meliana sat down with a sigh. But it didn't hurt as bad as it used to. "He was protecting me. I am grateful. The others," she hesitated. "It was not easy being around me."

"It never was," Carver teased. "Look at how far I went to get away."

"Yeah, sorry about that. Sometimes I still wish I hadn’t given in, left you with mum..."

"Don't." His tone was hard and serious. "I wanted nothing more than to find my own calling back then. And how many causes were there to join for a warrior in Kirkwall? I ogled the Templars for some time. And if you had left me," he swallowed. "Mel, I would be one of them now."

Meliana had to hold her breath. Her brother a templar. It wasn't an easy picture to stomach. "You would have done good," she forced out finally. "Been what a Templar should be. Helped the situation."

"Yes, but what about now?" Carver asked softly. "I don't want to think about it. I have seen them around, red protruding from their bodies, glowing from their eyes."

"Oh Carver." Meliana wiped hr face before burying it against his shoulder.

"You did good, sis. You did good." He returned the embrace. "I didn't see it back then. But it wsa the right thing, the best way for me."

"And you are happy?"

"I am."

They blanked out their current situation for a little longer, talking about happier times, about small pleasures and shared friends. As it turned out, Carver had seen and heard as little of them as she had. "Merrill used to write but it is so hard to keep up when you are constantly on the move."

"Yeah." Meliana still leant against him. "I wonder what she is up to now. I mean, I am pretty sure Anders is fighting somewhere and Aveline is scolding her guards and Fenris is tearing up Tevinter from the inside but yeah."

"it's not as if we could have a reunion," her brother chuckled. "Ruins are not such a nostalgic place if they were a city when you left."

"True." She fell silent for a while. "You know that Arishok is with the Inquisition?"

"No, but I am happy for you." Carver squeezed her.

"He's not really my Arishok, you know." Meliana closed her eyes. "They kinda threw him out of the Qun. He's all broken just trying to find his purpose bringing order."

"Same old, huh." She could feel his slight shrug against her cheek. "Any hope?"

"As much as for me, right? I mean, it doesn't get more broken much, does it." Meliana thought back. "And I like having him around anyway. Even if he never comes around."

"You're too mind." Carver shook her gently. "Find somebody who makes you happy."

"I already did." Meliana smiled. "And I love all of you. Doesn't matter what you think about it."

"I know. I love you too." He talked about his time with the Wardens, giving her the time to be a part of his life, all of it again. It was so peaceful that Meliana never wanted to leave. Even Valoraas was but a faint temptation.

"Will you come to Skyhold and stay for a while?"

Carver thought for a moment. "For a while. When this is over. But my brethren need me."

"That they do." Meliana chuckled.

"But so do you."

"Maybe so." Meliana looked up at him. "but these little moment are what we do this for, is it not? That everybody can have them, because they are what matters."

Carver sighed. "You and your bloody truths. But we deserve this, don't we?"

"Yeah. I got a garden you need to see. Herbs everywhere. Mum would have loved it." It was calming. Just talking and letting the world be. If only the world let them be in return. But it would not. It needed saving. Somehow the world always needed saving. It was really horribly organised.

"We have a small outpost not far from here," Meliana said. "You will get anything you need to travel quick and quietly there. Just – be safe."

"I will." He kissed her forehead. "You to."

Unable to speak, she just nodded. How would she ever be safe again? As long as there was a hole in the sky, as long as there was a mark on her hand. She shook her head. It could be worse. Carver lived. And so did Varric. And in a way her Arishok as well. Maybe it was time to enquire after a few friends after all. But that would have to wait. First, they needed to get to the Western Approach. And to get there, she needed to get her companions.

Not quite unexpected, Cole was making a spectacle of himself in the village. Not that anybody would remember. Hawke nodded at them to move on and they did.

Since it would take time for Carver to reach the Western Approach unnoticed, they might just as well clear out the bandits and the lake. It was a real pain that Carver couldn't travel with them. It made her want to hurt people. Bandits and undead were a good aim to be pointed at.

The bandits in their fort didn't stand a chance. Meliana looked at the broken doors and bodies. It was likely a very bad sign that what others perceived an unbeatable threat was a mere inconvenience to her. But here she was, the fortress cleared out with minimal effort. Valoraas should be happy. There was no need to protect his fragile Inquisitor. Well, not her physical form anyway.

Walking through the old village was creepy. Meliana could see the spirits floating about, almost hear the soft whispers. What did they want? They didn't tell. Like smoke and spray they drifted past, always just a blink outside her perception.

Varric didn't see them. He was generally uneasy. Meliana did not tell him way. He would not approve. Cole walked wide-eyed but silent. Now and then he glanced at her, at her hand and then around. It was not a happy thought that her mark might draw them. Still, Meliana wanted to reach out and tell them it was alright now. Which was a lie, but well.

They hadn't come far when Meliana felt the irresistible pull. It was another spirit but they were demanding, commanding.

"Why does nothing in this horrible place heed my demands?"

Meliana felt the pain and desperation underlying the haughty stance. They rejected Cole completely, the disdain for compassion obvious. But they were stubborn as spirits were. So there was nothing really but to fulfil their demand. Not that killing a rage demon sounded like a chore.

"I will do it," Meliana proclaimed ad the spirit was satisfied. It wasn’t a detour even. The spirit of rage had made its home in the caves they had to scour to find the rift which had formerly been underwater. It was all surprisingly mundane without the lake covering it up. The only surprise, possibly, was the mayor’s involvement in flooding the old village. Justice would have to be dealt out. But it could wait. It was a matter for another time.

The rift was in the lowest part of the caves. Fewer spirits roamed here, but they seemed to follow her. When the fighting began, Meliana could feel their presence tingle in her spells. They were like pinpricks on the connection between her mark and the Fade. Her whole hand tingled when she closed the Rift.

She could not see the spirits around. No like aboveground. Still they were there, pressing against the fabric of reality, toughing with tendrils of clod mist where they could. Meliana was glad to be out in the open again. They appeased the spirit of command that promptly returned to the Fade. If everything was that easy.

Back at the village, the mayor was gone. No bird had come from Skyhold. It didn't matter. Her brother was in the Western Approach. Nothing else could have called her as strongly. But the two weeks were long even if the horses were tired each evening. The landscape changed. The weather changed. Rain gave way to sun. Meliana had to put her heavy coat away.

When Hawke saw her banner on the horizon she was not surprised. Scout Harding would have a report, she always did. It was too bad, Kirkwall had crashed and burned. Harding in Hightown indeed. At least with that thought she approached her forces with a smile on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I comissioned some art from prayfortheInquisitor some time ago. The scene will enver happen like this any longer, so here is the art.  
> 


	13. Blood Magic

Two weeks could be very long. They could also be very short at the same time. Hawke urged her companions on mercilessly. There was no time to lose. With every day they were losing more members of Carver's family. Meliana could not stand it. It was her responsibility, was it not, to see that her little brother was happy?

It took great self-control not to change horses whenever possible. Carver had to get to the Western Approach as well. Waiting there for him would be no good. They had a great road to travel. There were inns to spend the night. It was very comfortable. Still Meliana didn't sleep well.

In the end impatience won out. There was always something to do. And if she didn't find it, Cole would. It was strange to spend long evenings with a spirit that didn't live inside her. Meliana missed Justice more than ever. Though, seeing the crap going on everywhere around her, there was no telling what they would have done.

The weather got warmer. The trees receded. Instead of forests they rode through steppe and brushes. Then everything stopped but the sand. Meliana took off her overcoat, then her coat. She wished Valoraas was here. He'd be wearing nothing but his vitaar over the navel. Well, maybe pauldrons.

The sand slowed them down a little. Nobody had the time to constantly sweep the roads. It was getting so hot, Meliana wished she had brought Qunari armour; something light with little to it. The nights were so cold, she wished Valoraas was around or at least his impossible cloak. Deserts just didn't make much sense temperature-wise.

It shouldn't have surprised her that Scout Harding was already on site when they arrived. She had set up a small outpost. Intel had been gathered and was ready for her. A Keep was ready to be the real outpost if she cleared it of Venatori. That sounded like good occupational therapy until Carver arrived. And there was a surprise.

"Sorry, boss." The Iron Bull didn't sound sorry. "Valoraas was adamant that you not enter the conflict with the Wardens without a proper warrior to back you up."

"I'll send him a bird with thanks," Meliana quipped. But she wouldn't reject the help of somebody who had no sentimental feelings for the Grey Wardens. She definitely needed that. Even at her best Inquisitor impersonation, she was still highly biased.

"If you could spare Cole," Harding went on, "I think he would be really useful for scouting here."

Hawke looked at her charge. He was somewhat invisible but that was only half of the job. "Sure. Not sure if you can keep him on track, but help yourself. Is that alright with you Cole?"

"Will it help?"

"It sure will," Meliana replied smiling. "It will make all of us more safe."

The spirit eyed Scout Harding.

"Please send him as messenger when Carver arrives," Hawke told Harding. She suspected that despite his mostly human body, Cole had more subtle, and faster, ways to travel when nobody looked.

"Yes, Inquisitor." Harding led Cole away explaining his new job.

"Ready to take the Keep?" Hawke asked her companions.

"Well, shit," Varric grumbled. "I had hoped for some time off, sand castles and all that."

"I can see many ruins," Solas added. "I wonder what secrets they may hold."

Meliana looked out over the sand. If there had been an ocean… But it was what it was and she was already itching to be doing bloody anything. "And you?" she turned to Hissrad. "Planning to put some more vitaar on now that people can see it?"

"Nah, boss," he replied. "It's difficult to reach the back."

Meliana bit her tongue. She had almost offered help because, yes she had done this before and was actually acceptably good with it. "Good. It's you and me then."

"That seems a little unfair – two of us against a Keep of Venatori?" He looked across the desert. "Maybe I should try to show Varric how to apply vitaar. Just to even the odds."

"Got it, got it. No need to get sarcastic, Birdie." Varric winked. "So, how far is that Keep?"

"An hour, maybe two," Hissrad estimated."

"Factor in some time to cool down before we attack," Hawke said. "Sun looks mean."

And it was. The place was a desert for a reason. It was also teeming with disingenuous life like raiders and undead. Well, had teemed wherever the small party had come through. The Keep looked intimidating. They scouted around and found a sloppily guarded entrance.

It was an uphill battle from there but not a long one. There was little you could do when a murderous Qunari crawled out of your well backed up by two deadly mages. Varric stood back, calmly taking out the bowmen on the battlements. It was all over before sundown. Carver had not arrived.

The next day was spent mostly with moving the operation into the Keep. There was a lot of stuff to move and the Inquisitor's personal help wasn't actually necessary. But since she was there already… Night fell and Carver had not come. So the day after they killed the dragon roaming the region and putting everybody in danger. Hissrad was enjoying that battle a little too much. To each their own. By the time night fell, Carver had not arrived.

With each passing day, Meliana got more nervous. She was nervous for Caver facing down a high dragon. And that had been the largest beast around. Cleaning out the bandits involved a lot of travelling around and tired the body, but it didn't give much to her mind. Cole made an excellent scout when he remembered what to report on. Everything else he told to her and Solas in the short evenings.

Finally her brother arrived. He looked tired and drawn but didn't leave any time for discussions. "I know where the Grey Wardens are and I fear they are about to start their ritual. We have no time to lose."

Meliana lost exactly as much time as she needed to gear up.

Caver shook his head when he saw Hissrad. "Not a rogue this time, I hope? We will need some punch against Grey Wardens."

"A true two-handed warrior." She patted his shoulder. "And nothing against my rogue."

"Heh," Carver chuckled. "Not that I'd survive it."

"He likes you," she assured him. "Or would if he ever got to know you."

"Comforting," he replied drily. "You'll excuse if I talk shop with him while we travel. I need to know in what kind of care you are being left these days."

"Help yourself. I'll talk shop with Solas and Varric in the meantime and make sure your arses aren't being ambushed." She hugged him. "I am so glad you are safe."

"As yet and let's keep it so." Carver returned the embrace. "Let's end this nightmare."

Tension rose as they made their way across the sands. The Tevinter ruin wasn't even much of a ruin. Maybe the bigger part had dropped into the chasm behind it. At least the bridge leading to the remains was still intact.

A sickly haze hung over the place. Meliana felt it creep up her mark, into her arm's bone. Bodies lay cast away on the floor. Flies buzzed over them. The stench was formidable. And for all the noise, she could only see few Grey Wardens. Well, few that were still alive. Glancing at the bodies, she knew there was a pattern to them, something important she was not seeing.

Taking her brother's hand, she squeezed shortly. There would be no time for that once the weapons were about to be drawn. Carver smiled wanly. But his eyes held no key to the surrounding pattern. Meliana noticed she was scratching the palm of her left. She tried to stop. It was more trouble than it was worth. The mark was compelling.

The assembled Grey Wardens didn't notice their approach. And they hadn't put out guards. Something was very wrong.

There were demons standing calmly beside the Warden mages. That was wrong. There were more dead bodies on the ground. That was also wrong. And a Grey Warden was standing encircled, watched by all and begging for his life. That was more then wrong. A Venatori dressed up like a Warden was talking to him.

And then it clicked.

Mages.

All the living Wardens except for the surrounded man were mages. And all the bodies, oh the bodies, belonged to warriors and rogues. Meliana bit half through her lip. It didn't hurt as bad as the realisation.

"… in death, sacrifice," the Venatori ended his speech.

Another Warden approached the scared man and killed him. The Veil tore – Meliana could feel it pull at her hand, red and hot – and a rage demon came though. The Warden mage bound it under the Venatori's order. The impact made her stumble. And with the binding, another realisation crept up.

The Venatori bound the Warden mages just as they bound the demons. Now both were under his control, under Corypheus control. Meliana felt red Fade trickle around them even though the Veil had closed again. Her hand pulsed.

"Lord Livius Erimond of Virantium," he introduced himself, unafraid of his sudden company. But at least he was willing to talk.

Meliana knew she had to try, not just for the sake of Carver who was quivering with violence at her side. "Release the Wardens from the binding and surrender." She didn't add 'or else'. That was a given. Also she wasn't quite sure what the 'else' would be.

Erimond snorted in disgust. "Were you hoping to garner sympathy? Maybe make the Wardens feel a bit of remorse?" Erimond turned to the Wardens with half a sneer. "Wardens, hands up!" He commanded.

In unison the Wardens raised their left. Meliana felt the tug in her own hand. Anger rose. So this again. Mages being stupid and then mages being to blame. To think that it was a Tevinter doing it.

"So what?" Her emotions got the better of her. Meliana balled her left to a fist, feeling the Veil eddy around it. "Hands up." She lifted her hand as if through acrylic.

Fear sparked through Erimond's eye when the demons hands jerked, even if just for a few inches. Meliana held his eyes, drilling her gaze into him. She could feel the demons, the bound spirits, straining and the veil so close by and so thin. She wouldn't be able to command anything here. But Erimond didn't have to know it.

Erimond reached out, his hand lighting up in a red glow. It called out to her mark. Pain shot through her hand, travelling up her arm. Meliana buckled. Her hand prickled in green and red, drawing at the green aura of the place. She felt nauseous. Clutching her left, she fought back.

"The Elder One showed me how to deal with you in the event you were foolish enough to interfere again," Erimond gloated. "The mark you bear? The Anchor that lets you pass safely through the Veil? You stole that from my Master. He's been forced to seek other way to access the Fade."

Meliana looked at her hand, blanking out the pain as well as she could. Passing safely through the Veil? Passing safely into the Fade? She closed her eyes, suppressing the sudden urge to just do that, drift off and look for Justice. Her heart hurt for him.

It took her a moment to realise that her heart was pretty much the only thing hurting. Erimond was still assaulting the mark, a red thread lancing from his hand to hers. But it was different now. Not turning murky where it meshed with the green. Lines of almost white writhed between the two, she could feel it crawl up her spine.

Meliana stood. She raised her hand at Erimond who was still sermonising. She would not back out. She would not vanish into the Fade in search of lost friends. She would stand with her friends here and now. With Carver.

The thought of her brother having to see his family like this. Meliana pushed the last images of her mother away. This was now and not fair. Pressing her lips together, she made a fist, drawing at every scrape of magic around her with all her will. The Veil twisted in her grip, tendrils of magic leaking, mingling with the world.

When she pulled, the link between her and Erimond exploded, throwing him to the ground. Blue and green crackled around her, a trippy dance she could not join. It slipped down her back cold and straightening.

But Erimond would not yield. The Wardens were his to command, so he did. "Kill them!"

Meliana closed her eyes shortly, then she glanced at Carver. His lips were set hard, eyes shuttered with cold distance. He tried an encouraging nod. Then the Wardens and their demons attacked. Hawke noticed Erimond fleeing in the ensuing battle.

Coward. But they would find him.

Fighting the Wardens was difficult. Meliana tried killing the demons first, but even their demise did not break Corypheus thrall. In the end, they had to kill them all. It was worse than usual. Those men and women were Carvers friends, family. How did he do it? But there was no time to watch.

The demons were all of rage and sloth. Meliana wondered shortly if they had been called on purpose or if the nature of the Grey Wardens attracted spirits that would naturally be twisted into those demons. She would ask Solas. Later.

When it was over, Erimond was long gone. Carver checked on the bodies, whispering a few words over each of them. She didn't know what to do. She had only buried, kind of, family twice and each time the reaction of the remaining family had been to shout at her. Meliana couldn't make herself do that. It was wrong.

She gave Carver space, feeling for the torn Veil instead. It was still thin, but without the blood sacrifices, it would hold. She ran her hand over the air like a scanner. Demons, spirits. She wished Justice was there. Even after a long time in this world their experience and insights into the fade and it's citizens had been invaluable. Her fingers traced invisible shapes. The Veil was so thin here, almost nothing but imaginary gauze.

"Do you want to burn the bodies?" Meliana asked her brother. He looked crestfallen. "It feels wrong to leave them out in the open."

Carver nodded and got up leaning on her arm. It was the least they could do.

Meliana didn't even feel the heat of the fire on her face. But they stood in silence for a long time. Hawke knew Solas and Hissrad were getting impatient. But this was her brother, broken and defeated. He deserved better. She pulled him a little closer and Carver put his head on her shoulder.

"There is only one structure worth mentioning the way Erimond fled," Carver said softly. "Adamant Fortress, an old Grey Warden stronghold. I guess we'll find the other Wardens there."

Probably bound and with demons. They didn't say it. Perhaps there were Grey Wardens left unbound. Perhaps there was a way to free them. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.

"I'll scout out Adamant and meet you back at Skyhold," Carver made up his mind.

"Hissrad?" Hawke looked at the Qunari.

"Got it, boss." He acknowledged. "I'll make sure he stays in one piece."

"I don't need-"

"Carver," Meliana pleaded. "You are one renegade Grey Warden. And they are an army with demons. Just promise me this and that you'll be careful."

Caver measured The Iron Bull and shrugged. "Okay, I'll take him."

"That's what I like to hear." The Qunari clapped his hand down on Carvers shoulder making him stumble. "I'll keep your spymaster informed."

"Good. If it's a fortress, we will need an army, I guess. And some war equipment." Hawke grimaced. "I'll talk to Valoraas about it."

"I'm sure he has both by now," The Iron Bull grinned.

He was probably right. Meliana watched him and her brother dwindle into the shimmering heat haze. Time to collect Cole and return to Skyhold. How long did it take to collect an army? And how long would it travel. She thought back at the excruciatingly slow progress of the Haven trek. If armies moved at a similar pace, there would not be a single Grey Warden unbound by the time they arrived at Adamant.

It occurred to her, that Carver probably knew exactly how fast armies travelled. There was nothing she could do about that. So she would do something else. Something sensible. Something that made the world better for Carver and maybe somebody else as well. But she knew her priorities.


	14. A Necessary Intermezzo

The return to Skyhold was uneventful. Solas had no idea if the type of demon the Wardens had summoned was linked to the values they believed in. He thought it possible. He would look into it.

"They are drawn to you," Cole observed. "Not because of the anchor. Of course because of the anchor, like a magnet, like light irresistible drawing, calling, like moths and flies, but not burning their wings. They don't understand you."

Cole reached out and touched her forehead. "You called out to what they wanted to be. But they were not and still they heard. They want to hear. Whispering, soft, silent, emptiness between words full of hope. They hear. They search. They want to go home and be themselves."

"Most spirits aren't the way you are," Solas chimed in. "Content to watch us through the veil, they feel no need to join this life. But pulled by force they can't resist, their essence twists when they arrive. You, my friend are quite extraordinary."

The weather got colder. The terrain began to slope up. The horses slowed down. Meliana watched her breath make little clouds. The last stretch was always the longest. Then Skyhold rose before them. The hooves clattered on the bridge; the portcullis rose and they were home.

Well, kinda. Somebody had decided that the best room for the Inquisitor was at the arse end of the castle, away from absolutely everything. Other than that it was fine. A bit on the big side. The bed looked all lost in the middle of the room despite its size. Somebody had draped a whole Great Bear pelt over it. With the head still on. Meliana dragged it to the floor next to the bed. Much better.

There was a desk and books and a balcony. Meliana looked out over the white landscape. Yeah, not her idea of fun. Her heart longed for the warm breeze of Kirkwall. She closed her eyes thinking of the beige stone burning golden in the setting sun, tinted pink during sunrise, the smell of salt and fish and leather.

When she opened her eyes, the gold faded back into cold blue. This was what she got. So this was what she'd take. And somewhere in this humongous castle was Valoraas. So it was not all bad. Also, the war room was not in the chantry any longer. Now that was an improvement. Hawke called a big council. Time to get up to speed.

"What did I miss?" Hawke looked at the map spread out on the war table. She was sure that it had new markers on it.

"I have found the Seekers in your absence," Cassandra pointed at one of them. "I faced Lord Seeker Lucius but he was too far gone to reason. He gave me a book that is handed down from Lord seeker to Lord Seeker. I am studying it now. There has to be something in it that made him crack. The influence of Corypheus alone would never have sufficed."

"We tried to approach the templars on several occasions, but they are blocking us completely," Leliana explained a few more markers. "Whatever Corypheus told them about us, they believe it. Or he has another thrall over them we have not discovered yet."

"The templar leader, Samson eluded us when we attacked his stronghold," Valoraas spoke up. "He had it burnt and though we found his Tranquil alive, Maddox would not help us."

Maybe Meliana was imagining things, but Valoraas had hesitated just a moment before saying Tranquil. It was not a pretty point in his past either.

"The Storm Coast is clear of darkspawn," Blackwall added.

"Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons has sent us an invitation to Empress Celene's ball in the Winter Palace," Josephine said after an appropriately dramatic pause. She sure had kept the worst for last.

"Oh great," Meliana muttered. "It will be full of people and politics and _things_! I am not going."

"You most definitely will be going, Inquisitor," Josephine insisted. "Duke de Chalons was generous with his invitation. It includes all advisors and three companions of your choice. To refuse would be an affront we can never repair."

"Three, huh?" Hawke shook her head. "That's like, my mum, my dad, and my brother. Great. I'll talk to Dorian about raising my parents."

"Meliana." Valoraas voice cut the bad jokes right out.

"Alright, alright," she admitted beat. "So, The Iron Bull is scouting Adamant Fortress. Who else? Vivienne is obviously coming, and Cassandra and Cole because he'll do such good spying. If he remembers. And you'll be there anyway, Valoraas so it will be safe."

"The attack on Adamant Fortress needs excellent preparation," Valoraas began. "It might be better-"

"Oh no." Meliana cut him off. "You are _definitely_ coming. I won't have you shirk the representing duties. This isn't Kirkwall. And no objections or I will write a complete list of every invitation you didn't attend there and nail it to portcullis. You know it'll reach down all the way to the valley floor!"

"I have already replied to the Duke that we gladly accept his invitation. All of it." Josephine looked pointedly at Valoraas. "Appropriate transportation has been secured. Formal wear has been ordered."

"That better be tricked out all the way." Hawke said. "If anything happens and who are we fooling, something will happen – I want my wear to be armour in disguise."

"Grand Duchess Florianne is pushing Celene to hold the ball," Leliana added. "The peace talks are supposed to conclude there but how that comes to pass is anybody's guess. The assassination you saw is most likely to happen on that evening."

Well, at least they'd be around to stop it. Or not. That seemed actually to be a point of debate. Hawke tried to listen to her arguing advisors. It seemed there were three parties that wanted their arse on the throne of Orlais. As far as she was concerned, they were all welcome to it. Maybe it would work nicely if you just stacked the three of them.

"I'll be ready to leave in the morning," Hawke talked over he advisors. "You know my drill. One night sleeping in my own bed. At least I guess that it is my bed?"

"It is," Leliana confirmed. "Is there a problem with your quarters?"

"It's," Hawke hesitated, "big and very far from everything?" It was also rather cold, but she had decided to have a few words with Grand Enchanter Fiona about that. What good was magic if you didn't put it to good use? Exactly.

"We wanted you to have a quiet place to retire to," Josephine explained. "Skyhold will be very noisy once the dignitaries and representatives arrive in number."

"Good thinking." Meliana wasn't keen on having dignitaries around all the time. To be able to flee would be worth something. Maybe she could get hold of a spell that allowed her to fly. Fastest way to get out of this mess.

She shook such thoughts away with a sigh. She was committed. This was her life now. Inquisitor of the Inquisition, lender of hands, giver of purpose, helper of everybody. There was no reason to be so cynical about it. It was her organisation. She could make it do something good. This time, she held the reigns. This time, it was not doomed to fail.

Meliana found Valoraas on the battlements. He leant on the wall, looking into the distance. She stood beside him, close enough to feel the subtle hum all living beings exuded. "Wondering if the list would really reach all the way down?"

"It certainly would," he replied without missing a beat.

"I wish you had accompanied me more often." Meliana sighed and leant onto the wall. "I really missed you."

"It was to be your city," Valoraas replied. "How would you learn to handle its people if I had come?"

Unfortunately, he was right. Meliana sighed again and pushed him gently with her shoulder. "Do you ever miss it? I don't mean the being stranded for years with no help and noway back-" she stopped herself. There was really nothing much to enjoy for him during his stay in Kirkwall.

"You were cute, pouting over all those invitations."

Meliana chuckled and when he did not push back, rested against his arm. The silence fell like snow and she was drifting in the moment. When Valoraas suddenly turned to face he, she jolted back into reality. But he steadied her with one hand, so all was fine.

“Considering everything, was it worth it?” Valoraas asked.

Meliana held very still as his finger traced the faint remnant of scars on her lips where they had been sewn together. It was a precious touch, light and easily scared away.

When he had finished, she allowed herself smile. “It was.”

“And because of that you believe it will?” His fingertips moved to the unrecognisable mark on her forehead.

Meliana’s eyes drilled holes into his chin in the effort not to close. Close and lean into the feeling of his finger against her skin. In the end, she had to capture his hand in hers, holding it fast between them.

“I do.” She looked into his eyes. “And I am sorry. Because you are everything and I have nothing to offer in return. I have no greater purpose to bestow. I am sorry.” She wiped her tear from his hand.

“Order is to be restored in Thedas.” His voice was low.

That was a purpose her role could bestow, not her person. Meliana wondered if the difference mattered to him. “It is an uphill battle against windmills. It will never end. Is that what you need?” She let the question hang.

“How can you live like that?” Valoraas asked. His thumb was running over her lips again. “Knowing what you want but not what you need.”

“As best as we can.” Meliana’s voice was strained. _Give him time,_ she told herself. Give him time. Give him time. Give him time. Give him time. It had taken long for him to accept her magic. And this aberrant affliction was something else entirely.

Leliana had not lied about transportation. They travelled in style. Not really Meliana's style by they did have to represent. Judging from the carriages, they represented the country of frilly fuck. Hawke had given up trying to watch the landscape. She shared the carriage with Josephine, Leliana, and Vivienne. Each had a lot to say about the situation in Orlais, the Grand game and everything in between.

"You know that you have a week to tell me everything?" She asked with little hope.

"You cannot make mistakes," Josephine insisted. "The Imperial Court is no place for amateurs. Repetition will help you, Inquisitor."

As it turned out that Grand Duke Gaspard de Chalons was actually supposed to sit on the throne. Bus his sister had outmanoeuvred him. She had put the case to the Council of Heralds which decided in case of doubt. Only there was no doubt at all where Gaspard was concerned?

So Celene became Empress and Gaspard became a Chevalier. He resorted to the most straightforward means to reclaim the crown: war.

In the meantime Celene empressed around and when the elves decided that being treated like persons was a good idea and rebelled, she crushed that rebellion hard. While bedding an elven lover. Who, unsurprisingly really, did not agree with this kind of hypocrisy and recruited her own army of spies.

During the ball all three would come together for peace talks. The civil war was to end. That at least was something Meliana could wholeheartedly support.

"So who's Corypheus' agent?" she asked.

Silence followed. There seemed to be none. Which was ridiculous. Corypheus had his podgy paws all over this. So who was his inside source and agent?

"Well, you said there was a third de Chalons, Josephine? Florianne? Not suspected of anything which is, if I may say so, highly suspicious in itself," Meliana asked.

"She is the youngest of the three and only a cousin," Josephine replied.

"Nothing to win by peace, no throne to lose anyways? Sounds perfect. Put her down as Corypheus agent, will you?"

"This is not how it works, Hawke," Leliana objected. "You need proof."

"I have seen almost none of that in the last week," Hawke pouted. "It all is hearsay and concoction to me. Might as well add my own spin."

Since her own spin was not welcome, Meliana resigned herself to listening and occasionally repeating the important bits. It was overall stupid. Who got the idea of peace talks during a ball? Orlesians obviously. Nobody else thought the combination strange.

They arrived and got a whole wing of the guest houses to themselves. A little overkill considering Meliana had packed little but her armour and some change knickers. The suite was as big as her room in Skyhold. It was a fantastic waste of space.

Especially since they'd only stay for one night. Josephine had timed their travel well. They arrived with enough time to rest and refresh themselves before the ball. Meliana looked at herself in the mirror. The dress uniform was nice enough, not quite her colour, that glaring red. But better than dresses. She shuddered remembering the dresses worn at Kirkwall events.

And the finery was fine indeed. It had improved resistance against all kinds of magic. Dagna had found way to weave very thin metal into a very strong net. So most knives and even a few arrows would be useless. Meliana hoped nobody brought a sword with them. Well, Valoraas was forbidden his axe, so.

"It would have passed as a part of his traditional costume but bringing him wearing Qunari garb would send a completely wrong signal," Josephine explained.

"Can Vivienne bring her staff?" Hawke wondered. "As official Enchanter of the Imperial court that does belong to her outfit, right?"

"Indeed, my dear," Vivienne replied. "That is exactly why I will be bringing your staff. In case-"

"No," Hawke interrupted. "Bring your own. I," she hesitated for a moment, "I don't need a staff."

"How very alarming," Vivienne said. "I did not know apostates were training themselves to hide like that."

"Oh, they don't." Meliana smiled grimly. "I was – taught how to do this much later and certainly not by apostates."

Well, probably not apostates. Were Saarebas apostates? Even if they still followed the Qun? They were certainly not part of any Circle. Not that it wouldn't be an improvement. Except for the Kirkwall Circle. Which was not a problem any longer. Which was a problem.

"Can you teach it to other mages?" Leliana wanted to know.

"Possible." Hawke hedged. "Though I never thought about it because I would sure have to revamp the whole process and methods. Didn't seem worth the bother."

"You are quite a dangerous woman, my dear," Vivienne gave her another once over.

"I am. You know what I can do. And you know what I will do. Make of that what you will." Meliana decided to change the topic. "So Vivienne with her staff and Cole with his daggers plus our hardened uniforms. Sounds good."

It would be difficult to completely hide Cole's daggers but seeing how most people forgot him a second late anyway, that shouldn't be a problem. Meliana ran a self-conscious hand through her hair. Nobody ever mentioned it and the buzz cut had only advantages. It felt somewhat out of place now, though. But hey, what was Valoraas going to say? As if eight feet of horned glory wouldn't stand out. Maybe he was used to it. Maybe so should she.

But as long as she could, Meliana Hawke would hide in her soldier escort. The intricately wrought gates of black metal opened as foreboding as any abyss. The dresses she could see so far were ridiculous. Not even hobnobbing in Kirkwall could have prepared her for this. But she had gotten a mask as well, so all might indeed be well. If she could snigger softly enough.

Gaspard was wearing a mask that left his mouth to be seen. Hawke had completely forgotten what that signified. She was happy to have her whole face hidden. Oh, the face she would be making! She practised a few of them at the surrounding shrubbery and tasteless fountains.

"Inquisitor Hawke," the Grand Duke welcomed her with grand gesture. "It is an honour to meet you at last."

Meliana hadn't known they had kept him waiting. Was that like an outstanding invitation they should have issued or something? He was fighting some civil war somewhere on Orlais, but the Inquisition hadn't been invited to that. Or had they? _Dear Inquisition, please come and meddle in my countr_ _y'_ _s affairs_. It did sound Orlesian.

"Bringing the rebel mages into the ranks of your army was a brilliant move," Gaspard went on and her senses began to tingle in alarm. "Imagine what the Inquisition could accomplish with the full support of the rightful emperor of Orlais."

Well, even Hawke saw that pitfall. "An Orlais united in peace is indeed a powerful ally." There, take that.

Gaspard wasn't fazed. He just nodded. "I cannot speak for Celene, but as soon as peace is restored, our forces can be deployed to other battles of which there are many."

"There's sure more demons and undead around than there used to," Meliana replied. "Help fighting those is always very welcome. And you being a Chevalier yourself, know best how to deploy your men."

"Keep that image firmly in mind," Gaspard said. "The empire needs stability and security, now more than ever and we may see it materialise by the end of the evening. I am not a man who forgets his friends, Inquisitor. You help me, and I'll help you."

Now that was frighteningly plain speech for the Imperial Court. Hawke didn't know what to think about it. Gaspard didn't strike her as a man to assassinate the Empress to take her throne. Start a war? Sure. But assassination? A little too much cloak and dagger to by his style. Or that was what he wanted everybody to think. Meliana was getting a headache already.

"If you have the safety of the Orlesian people at heart, Inquisitor, perhaps you will look into something for me," he continued after a short pause. "This elven woman, Briala – I suspect that she intends to disrupt the negotiations."

So that was where this went. Briala, the third party to this party. If Gaspard suspected she wanted to assassinate Celene, having Hawke investigate would keep his hands clean but the triumph his as he had given the word. And if she turned up nothing, he lost nothing. Everybody knew the Inquisitor was a bit strange, came from having a glowing hand.

"I'll see what crosses my path," Hawke replied cautiously. With luck that would be Briala and she's have her side of the story and then, all that was missing was a tête-à-tête with Celene to get all sides. Now that looked all very likely. Was she even invited to the peace talks. Hawke frowned. Hopefully not because it was terribly bad manners to forget about something like that.

"Are you prepared to shock the court by walking into the Grand ball with a hateful usurper?" Gaspard offered his arm. "Be as discreet as possible. I detest the game, but if we do not play it well, our enemies will make us look like villains."

"As is the prerogative of the victor." Hawke smiled as she took his arm. "Is it bad manners to ask you to reserve a dance already?"

"Terribly bad manners," he replied. "It amounts almost to a proposal."

"I am afraid, I'm already married," Hawke chuckled."

"Ah, but does that still count?" Gaspard asked. He glanced at Valoraas. "I doubt many will recognise him."

"My dear Grand Duke," she squeezed his arm gently, "knowing what I know about the Orlesian marriage market at the imperial Court, I am, most definitely, for all intents and purposes, very much married."

"I could duel him for that," he suggested. "I hear he is a formidable fighter. To test oneself against such prowess…"

"Only if you tell me the place and time so I can watch," Meliana replied. "I wouldn't want to miss that for the world."

Gaspard laughed out, a genuine laugh and Meliana feared she was actually beginning to like the man. Oh well, if he didn't try to kill anybody, she would not have to kill him. So far, so good.

Then the huge double doors before them opened and the general muttered outrage swallowed them whole.


	15. The Grand Game

The palace was worse than Meliana had imagined, worse than the Viscount's Keep in Kirkwall by far. There was excess marble, sloping stairs, heavy drapes, and the tassels! Not to mention statues, and chandeliers that consisted mostly of metal and whose few candles could impossibly be lighting up the towering hallways.

And then there were the people. The mask was a blessing. Hawke had enough political training not to show her feelings through posture. Murmurs rose and fell as they passed and despite the masks it was clear where all eyes lay. Valoraas walked behind them, cutting the line of vision quickly and soon most glances bounced off his broad back.

Hawke was certain that they proceeded slower than was polite. But being a hated usurper had to have some perks. It gave her time to assess the other guests. There was an assassin hiding somewhere in this place. She intended to find them.

What Hawke noticed first was that all servants were elves. Not a single human face to be seen. Now that had potential for trouble. But Hawke didn't see Ambassador Briala anywhere. More potential for trouble.

The ballroom had, quite fittingly, a pit for the dance floor. The Grand Duke left her side, walking towards the far end of it while his titles were recited. Oh dear. Unfortunately, Hawke knew that rushing to the other side before the emcee reached the last syllable of your surname was very bad manners indeed.

"Lady Inquisitor Meliana Hawke of House Amell, Peacemaker of the Qunari Uprising in Kirkwall, Member of the Kirkwall Triumvirate before its fall." The emcee paused as Empress Celene arrived on the other side of the dancing pit and waited until she had greeted her guests with polite bows and dainty gestures. It all looked very fake to Meliana.

"Vanquisher of the Rebel Mages of Ferelden, Crusher of the Vile Apostate Mage Underground, Champion of the Blessed Andraste herself."

Meliana wondered if it was alright to kill an emcee over slander. If this was how the world saw her, she had to hire a new PR team. She would not openly contest the Herald thing, after all it helped getting the job done. But the image of the mages needed to be painted a lot prettier. Like, a lot.

Cassandra did indeed interrupt the emcee and told him to get on with it while Leliana and Vivienne let him drone on. Josephine took it with her usual grace and Valoraas radiated impatience. Though his titles were by far the fewest with "Veteran of the Tevinter War and Leader of the Inquisition Forces." The Orlesians had probably felt embarrassed to grant him only one title and had quickly made up a second one that seemed likely.

Not surprisingly, Cole was not even mentioned. That was probably better. Scourge of the White Tower, Master Assassin, Mind Reader, and Spirit were not things Meliana needed to be announced publicly.

After dismissing Gaspard until the peace talks, Celene turned her attention to them. "Lady Inquisitor, we welcome you to the Winter Palace. Allow us to present our cousin, the Grand Duchess of Lydes, without whom this gathering would never have been possible."

"What an unexpected pleasure," Florianne greeted them in turn. "I was not aware the Inquisition would be part of our festivities."

And with that, Meliana had penned the assassination attempt firmly on her. A better politician would not have used that phrase. They would have been pleasantly surprised, delighted to find out or maybe happy to include them. This was bad politics. This was – she stopped herself. One, she was not in Kirkwall any longer. This was worse. Two – she had to answer.

"I am delighted to be here," Hawke unearthed her best manners. "I have never seen anything equal to the Winter palace."

"We hope you will find time to take in some of its beauties," Celene replied. "Feel free to enjoy the pleasures of the ballroom, Inquisitor. We look forward to watching you dance."

And with that, she was gone. Florianne had left her side already. Hawke wondered if that was an insult or a sign of intimate trust. Maybe both. Also, Hawke wouldn't have to bother with asking her Majesty for a dance. One less worry. It only left all others in the room, those in the foyer, and not to mention everybody in the gardens. Well.

But before there could be any dancing, there had to be socialising. Hawke straightened. At least she didn't have to put on her hobnobbing face. She tugged at the mask and went looking for Briala. Not obviously, though. Talking to everybody on her way looked like a good idea.

The elven ambassador was fortunately not far. She didn't deny her involvement with the Empress nor their falling out.

"Nobody harbours more resentment against Celene than I," Briala admitted. "But if she died after inviting me here, the court would certainly pin her death on me. An elf assassinating the Empress? Alienages across Orlais – across all Thedas – would be purged. That cannot happen."

Hawke was inclined to believe her. From what Leliana and Vivienne had told her, Briala's concern for her fellow elves was genuine. "So you have an eye out tonight."

"This evening gives me access to Duke Gaspard," Briala replied. "He is a simple man and simple men are easily manipulated. He has tried the one way to re-take the throne he can think of, but who knows if other sources have not influenced him to try something else? As I said, if Celene dies tonight, it _will_ be pinned on me."

So this was it. Gaspard suspected Briala to disrupt the negotiations while Briala suspected Gaspard as he could just blame her. They were very focussed on each other which left a lot of breathing space for anybody else wanting to play. Somebody who couldn't hope to gain the throne if the others didn't rip each other to shreds. Meliana didn't like the way she was thinking.

"I heard there was trouble in the servant's quarters?" she tried carefully.

"Yes, but I do not know more about it," Briala said. "If I was to be seen there..."

"I understand," Meliana agreed. "Would it be admissible for me to have a look? A neutral party?"

"You are hardly neutral, Lady Inquisitor," Briala scoffed. "But you are sympathetic enough to my people. Take this spare key. But it would be better if you were not seen entering or leaving."

"I can do that." Meliana grinned until she realised that Briala wouldn't be able to see that anyway. "Any other hints on Gaspard?"

Briala shook her head.

Right. Time to stir up the hornets' nest. Hawke collected her companions and set out for the servants' quarters. Its entrance was a little off the main party so getting in unseen was not a problem. For getting out – well, they had Cole.

Inside, things did not look pretty. You did not expect to find a dead elf in the servants' quarters. Finding many of them was even worse. Meliana knelt down to examine the wounds. It looked like knives.

"Breath painful, stabbing, and then real stabbing, lungs full, frothing, scent of apples as it all goes black," Cole kinda confirmed her suspicion.

"I don't think that this was Briala's work," Hawke said as she stood. "Though I am not all sure if she isn't ruthless enough to do it just to incriminate somebody else."

"That is always a possibility in the Game, my dear," Vivienne agreed.

A thorough search of the servants' quarters turned up no further clues, just more dead elves. Whoever had done this, didn't want anybody to breathe a word that was only slightly related to what they were doing here. When they entered the gardens, it became clear why. There was another body lying at the fountain. This one was dressed in fancy court apparel. Not a servant for sure.

"An emissary for the Council of Heralds, Vivienne identified the dead man. "And this dagger has the Chalons crest on it. A very convenient coincidence, don't you think, my dear?"

Hawke agreed. No noble worth anything would kill an enemy, or anybody really, with a weapon bearing their own crest. So either somebody tried to frame Gaspard, or Gaspard tried to look as if somebody was framing him. Meliana felt her headache return.

But there was no time to really grumble about it. Suddenly, they were surrounded by Venatori agents. Not much later, they were surrounded by dead Venatori agents. This did not look well, though it looked even worse for the Venatori.

There was a convenient trail of living agents. The small group followed it, leaving behind a trail of dead agents. It felt a little like revenge for the dead elves. Not that it did any good to anybody but Meliana.

At the end of the agents trail they encountered a Harlequin and ambassador Briala. Since they were fighting, Hawke was willing to put them on different sides of this conflict. On the other hand Briala was either ready to take the murder by Gaspard at face value or tried to convince them that it was genuine.

Hawke decided to talk to Gaspard again. A plan thwarted by Florianne who chose this exact same moment to ask her for a dance. If it wasn't highly suspicious, it was sure very inconvenient. But you didn't refuse the cousin of the Empress. So Hawke smiled – until she realised that Florianne couldn't see that – and followed her to the dance floor.

Naturally, the eyes of the whole court were on them. The ears of the court – not so much, which was exactly why Florianne had chosen it. "Nothing in Orlais happens by accident," the Grand Duchess said. "And tonight we are both concerned with the actions of a certain person. My brother and my dear cousin have been at each other's throats for too long. It took great effort to arrange tonight's negotiations. Yet one party would use this occasion for blackest treason."

So Florianne was painting Gaspard as the miscreant. Interesting. How likely was it that she had been told about the incriminating evidence found in the gardens already? Did she believe accusing Gaspard would make Hawke more amenable to follow that line of thought? Did she think her stupid? Well, yeah, she probably did. After all Hawke was not from Orlais.

"The security of the Empire is at stake," Florianne continued. "Neither one of us wishes to see it fall."

Hawke considered her options for a moment. But she could hardly ask the Grand Duchess what she gained from keeping her cousin alive if Gaspard was the easier target. She decided to be bold. Just a small stab. "Do we both want that, Lady Florianne?"

"I hope we are of one mind on this."

Not much luck. But then, Floianne played the Game day in and day out. Hawke decided to try again anyways. "In times like these, it's hard to tell friend from foe, is it not, your Grace?"

"You arrived as a guest of my brother," Florianne said. "But do you even know who is friend and who is foe? It cannot have escaped your notice that certain parties are engaged in dangerous machinations tonight. You have little time. The attack will come soon. You must stop Gaspard before he strikes."

Florianne suggested sorting through the mess by having a look at the sealed off Royal Wing. A suggestion that came with a key. Meliana was so over it. She had come to the decision that, unfortunately, Gaspard was indeed the most simple and straightforward player in this game.

That posed a lot of advantages, but to get to them, some unhappy decisions needed to be made. First of all, though, she had to find an assassin. And, if possible, their employer. Depending on how that turned out, there was still time to overthrow the Empress and put somebody else in her place. Maybe Vivienne advised by Leliana. Now that would work. Probably.

Meliana told her advisors about the incident. The Royal wing was off limits and going there was probably social suicide. Except if their ploy worked out. In which case they needed a ploy.

"This could be a trap," Valoraas warned. He turned the key over in his hands.

"It most likely is," Leliana agreed. "But knowing that will help you overcome it."

Hawke took the time to dance with a few more guests before making her way to the Royal Wing. Cole was scouting ahead and turned a few heads so nobody noticed them pass. The ball had been exhausting enough without all these complications. For the first time ever Meliana wished she was back in Kirkwall's high society. At least she had been able to terrify those with a Qunari attack. Maybe that would work for Orlais as well? It warranted thinking about.

The Royal Wing was deserted. The noise and music from the ball was muted. Only a few candles lit the halls. Meliana was surprised when she heard a scream, but her monkey brain took over and she rushed towards the sound. It turned out to be an elven servant getting attacked by an Orlesian rogue. Hawke made short work of the latter before turning to the former. "Are you alright?"

"I'm," the elf hesitated, "I don't think I'm hurt." Then she took in her surroundings, her glance catching at Valoraas imposing figure. "No one's supposed to be here. Briala said – I shouldn't have trusted her."

Now this was expected. After all Briala was the ambassador and leader of the elves. Still it was strange to send an elf into the deserted part of the castle. Whose room was this anyway?

"She's been watching the Grand Duke all night," the elven woman went on. "No surprise she wanted someone to search his sister's room."

Now that made less sense. Florianne and Gaspard didn't look as if they were close. The thought of Carver flitted through Meliana's mind. She just hoped he was safe. She had given him an excellent Qunari warrior. He should be safer than he had been otherwise. But how did you stop worrying about yor siblings?

A little poking at the elf revealed that anybody with a spy network could have sent the orders. Also everybody in among the elves. That was not good. There was usually at least one person bribable in any group. Didn't Meliana know that too well.

"What were you trying to find in Florianne's room?" Hawke asked. After all, Briala was looking into Gaspard officially, not his sister.

"The message didn't say," the elf replied. Her face scrunched up in thought. "I should have known it was a setup."

Now that was a good realisation, if a little late. "All sorts of people tonight are taking advantage of this wing being closed. Most of them will not want witnesses."

"Briala probably knew it was dangerous and sent me because of it," the woman mused. "One more embarrassing secret erased. I knew her, before she was Celene's pet. Now she wants to play revolution. But I remember. She was sleeping with the Empress who purged our alienage."

"Would you be willing to testify to that, if I asked?" Hawke knew that collecting cards was an important part of the game, Some of them might turn out to be unexpected trumps. She still needed more dirt on Celene and Florianne but this was a good beginning. Hawke sent the elf to Leliana to seek the protection of the Inquisition.

In the next room they found one of Gaspard's soldiers tied to Empress Celene's bed. He was not completely embarrassed and said he was led to believe Celene would grant him a very special reward if he betrayed Gaspard. The rest of the soldiers were in the garden, waiting for Gaspard's signal.

Of course now Celene knew everything about Gaspard's plan and was ready to counter it or nip it in the bud. So far she hadn't done anything, meaning Gaspard had not done anything either. Maybe because Gaspard was not actually waiting to attack the Empress any longer but protect her from an attack from Briala now. It would make his position much stronger.

At least they now knew where the soldiers were and could look into Gaspard's plan. The tied soldier didn't know much about it, only that it was to happen tonight and that he was supposed to keep people from entering the negotiations.

It was a trail of breadcrumbs. Hawke had no choice to follow it. But that didn't mean Meliana wouldn't complain about it in her head all the time. She had hated it in Kirkwall, she hated it now, and she would not stop hating it any time soon. Why did people always have to play games like that? It didn't help anybody.

When they reached the garden, there was closed rift hovering in it. Meliana's hand began to pulse immediately. But before she could decide what to do about it, the Grand Duchess Florianne appeared on a balcony while the assemble mercenaries pointed their weapons at them. Well, so much for that. It seemed they had found the employer before the assassin.

"Inquisitor." Florianne's tone was condescending. "What a pleasure! I wasn't certain you'd attend. You're such a challenge to read. I had no idea if you had taken my bait."

Taken note of it, certainly. But Hawke wasn't that stupid. Obvious information was obviously a trap or bait or both. What she really wanted to know was who would kill the Empress. Cole would certainly be able to slip away and tell Leliana.

"It was kind of you to walk into my trap so willingly. I was so tired of your meddling," Florianne continued. "Corypheus insisted that the Empress die tonight, and I would hate to disappoint him."

Meliana refrained from punching the air in victory. Had she not called it? She bloody well had. So that was that for Orlesian politics and drawing you information from hearsay. You had to look at the facts. Who had the most to gain? Who had no chance any other way? Who was the person nobody looked at. And there you had it, neat as a pin.

And from her ranting, Florianne had bought into Corypheus vision of a new world, mostly because she would be the one ruling Orlais and who knew what else. Meliana batted at the red images of a future. Whatever Florianne believed would happen, would certainly not happen. She had seen it. And now, Meliana took a deep breath, now she would prevent it.

"In their darkest dreams, no one imagines that I would assassinate Celene myself," Florianne concluded her little speech. "All I need to do is keep you out of the ballroom long enough to strike." She turned to the soldiers. "Kill her and bring me her marked hand."

As Florianne returned into the palace, the mercenaries opened battle. In return, Meliana opened the rift. Demons poured out causing chaos. A three-way fight ensued. It was just so horribly easy to lose sight of her friends. So it was an experiment. Meliana didn't really mean to do it. But the incident in the Western Approach was not letting go of her. Casting an invisible net, she called to the former spirits. The reaction was reluctant and sticky, but it was there.

Meliana reached for Justice but did not find them once again. Hope – it really died last. And the demons reacted. Called by their former forms they veered off, taking their twisted rage to the mercenaries. It was probably not a very nice move. Especially when she and her friends took out the demons in turn. It had to be her imagination that they fought back only pro forma.

As soon as all enemies were down, Hawke began the race to the ballroom. That also helped not to think about what she had just done. And Florianne had quite a headstart. The staircases and halls seemed to go on forever. Finally, they reached the vestibule. The doors to the ballroom opened showing Florianne and Celene at the far end of the room.

Hawke made it half way through the room when a clattering noise stopped her short. A dagger lay on the floor next to a surprised elf. Valoraas' arm was lowering slowly, his eyes strafing Meliana's body for wounds. She shook her head.

"The dagger is wrong," Cole murmured at her side. "She stole it months ago for justice and victory. But now it is the wrong dagger in the wrong back."

Meliana looked at Vivienne who immediately took hold of the befuddled elf. "Now, now, my dear. This is not the time or the place to have a break on the floor. Here, I'll get you somewhere safe..."

When Hawke was sure the enchanter was taking the would-be assassin to Leliana, she returned her attention back to Empress Celene. Gaspard was standing on the stairs before her, his eyes scanning the room for Briala. Florianne was at Celene's side, a triumphant smile on her face. And Celene was looking up in pained surprise, the tip of a dagger protruding from her chest.

"Florianne! What have you done?" Gaspard shouted. But he didn't move. His eyes could not leave the dead body of his cousin.

"Don't be coy," Florianne insisted. "It went just as we planned. I did this for you, brother."

"Me? Have you gone mad?" Gaspard shook. "I wanted to convince Celene to finally enter the marriage that would bring peace to this country!"

Of course he left out the means of conviction, namely his troops. Hawke didn't even care who he had wanted to threaten so Celene yielded. Maybe even Florianne. She ran towards the Grand Duchess, ready to detain her. But she fled into the adjoining garden. At least there would be no innocent bystanders there. If anybody in this bloody court was innocent.

Elite agents were already waiting in the garden to support Florianne. Not that it helped much. Meliana had too much experience fighting. It was violent. It was ugly. It was short. Her hand was throbbing, sending slivers of cold green up her arm. By the time reinforcements from Celene's and Gaspard's guards arrived it was all over. They had probably been unable to agree on whether or not they would work together.

In the ballroom the corpse of the Empress had already been removed. There was a hush over the guests. Meliana couldn't blame them. Gaspard and Briala came towards them, worry written across their faces. Hawke smiled politely. Yes, she held all the cards, thank you very much. It was a horrible game. But once you knew what to look for, it became a lot worse.

And Briala was a schemer just like Celene and Florianne. Gaspard was not the most successful player, but he had his own integrity. War, political marriage. There were worse things. Meliana smiled under her mask. There were much worse things. Thought this marriage would likely not have ended so well.

"Succession is clear," she announced. "The Inquisition will stand behind Grand Duke Gaspard."

And that was that. Briala might disapprove. But she knew that Hawke held enough dirt on her to remove her from the game entirely. She would stay and try to manipulate Gaspard. The Inquisition needed to leave an advisor. Leliana would have ideas. So would Vivienne. That would be one unhappy discussion. But it had to wait.

"We need to address the guests," Gaspard said. "Stand with me."

Hawke followed him to the gallery where Empress Celene had stood only a little while ago. The guests assembled, turning masked faces towards them, But the masks could not hide their uncertainty. The Empress had been assassinated. The future stood on shaky legs.

"And so the crown falls to me," Gaspard took the greatest uncertainty from them. "This is not the victory I hoped for. I wanted this moment filled with song of union, not with sorrow and loss. But I have always been a soldier. And every soldier knows-"

Meliana felt the draught of air at her side, a cold ripple down her throat. Before she could react, something silver ripped through the air between her and Gaspard, making an ugly wet sound behind them. The crowd gasped and Meliana was sure there was a little retching as well.

She turned around slowly. Another eleven servant lay on the floor. A silver tray was embedded in his head. Trays shouldn't do that. Meliana shuddered thinking of the force it would take to throw – she looked into the crowd. Valoraas was already striding towards her, his eyes dark.

"Are you hurt?" His voice carried through the whole room despite it being growled rather softly.

"I am fine," Meliana assured him. "Emperor?"

"I am unhurt." If the incident had made any impression on Gaspard, he did not show it. "We owe you our lives. We will not forget it."

Valoraas nodded, and dragged the body out of sight as Gaspard took up his speech again. "An enemy hast struck at the Empire in its very heart. As your Emperor, I promise justice. But tonight, be at ease. Celebrate this evening in remembrance of our beloved Empress."

The ball was a sombre affair after the speech. The music was muted, the dances slow and heavy. Still, Hawke danced. She danced with Gaspard. She danced with the members of the Council of Heralds. She danced with counts and dukes, duchesses alressas. She danced with Leliana who laughed and Vivienne who was delighted. She did not dance with Valoraas who refused.

That was probably a wise decision. Meliana might have decided to spend the rest of the ball glued to his person. Anyway, he claimed he could not dance. Who was she to argue?

Finally, it was a polite time to leave. As soon as they reached the guest wing Meliana pulled her mask off, taking a deep breath. This was so much better. As long as Valoraas had walked behind her, she had felt almost safe. But only almost.

"The second assassin…?" She looked at him.

"His knife was directed at you," Valoraas confirmed her suspicion.

"Great." Meliana pinched the bridge off her nose. "Can we leave early and avoid sleeping here at all?"

"Impossible," Josephine declared. "It would be most suspicious."

"Can I swap rmy room with one of you at least?" This suggestion was not taken any better. The scandal if the Inquisitor should be found in a room not hers. Even if the occupant had moved, especially if they had moved into her quarter.

"But what about Valoraas?" Meliana wanted to know.

A silence followed until Valoraas spoke up. "We are not married, Hawke."

"You might be interested to know, that we are," Meliana replied. "You have no idea how many offers I will get otherwise and you know what? Just no. I would lose patience way to soon and Orlais would lose half its nobility. So married we are."

She tried to stare him down. Then something occurred to her. "Unless you want to marry somebody else, I mean. In that case," she swallowed the pain, "just-"

"I do not," Valoraas interrupted her.

Meliana came up for air, trying not to show her relief. "Alright, alright. Okay."

"I will search your room and make sure it is safe." his eyes did not leave her face.

That was deemed an acceptable solution. Meliana would take anything that kept him in her company a little longer. She hugged herself, shivering in the middle of the room while he made his circuit. Nothing in this place was homely. The lush carpet, the huge bed, the thick drapes. It was a pity Valoraas didn't have his coat on him. It was probably the one item able to warm her this night.

"All is well," Valoraas declared when he had finished. He looked down at her as if he wanted to say something else. He didn't. "Good night, Inquisitor."

He made it almost all the was to the door.

"Please, don't go!" It was out and the tone was a lot higher and squeakier than she thought herself capable of.

Valoraas turned around.

"I can't be alone now," Meliana went on. "I just can't. This, all of this," she waved vaguely. "I am so scared. Please, don't leave me."

He did not reply for a long time. Then he just turned and sat down on one of the chairs at the fireplace.

Meliana cried with relief. Still she somehow managed to get ready to sleep and climb into the oversized bed. It was cold. The fine sheets slipped over her skin like water. Pulling the blanket over her head did little to appease her fears. She curled up tightly. But she was still too much of a target. It was irrational. Meliana thought it through. It was most definitely irrational fear. It was also not going anywhere.

"Could you maybe sit down on the bed?" Meliana asked after tossing and turning for a felt eternity.

Valoraas gave her a long look but acquiesced.

She felt the mattress yield under his weight. Meliana took a few breaths, then she curled up tightly, putting as much of her back against the small of his as she could.

He was grumbling, of course he was. And it was certainly pure imagination that some of the words resembled 'oh Meliana'.

It was not perfect. But it was enough to sleep.


End file.
